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a care, friend, thou mayest run thy face against my fist."

      XLIII.—UP IN THE WORLD.

      A fellow boasting in company of his family, declared even his own father died in an exalted situation. Some of the company looking incredulous, another observed, "I can bear testimony to the gentleman's veracity, as my father was sheriff for the county when his was hanged for horse-stealing."

      XLIV.—REVERSE OF CIRCUMSTANCES.

      When General V—— was quartered in a small town in Ireland, he and his lady were regularly besieged as they got into their carriage by an old beggar-woman, who kept her post at the door, assailing them daily with fresh importunities. One morning, as Mrs. V. stepped into the carriage, the woman began: "Oh, my lady! success to your ladyship, and success to your honor's honor: for sure I did not dream last night that her ladyship gave me a pound of tea, and your honor gave me a pound of tobacco."—"My good woman," said the general, "dreams go by the rule of contrary."—"Do they so?" rejoined the old woman; "then it must mean, that your honor will give me the tea, and her ladyship the tobacco."

      XLV.—A DOGGED ANSWER.

      Boswell, dining one day with Dr. Johnson, asked him if he did not think that a good cook was more essential to the community than a good poet. "I don't suppose," said the doctor, "that there's a dog in the town but what thinks so."

      XLVI.—VISIBLE DARKNESS.

      A gentleman at an inn, seeing that the lights were so dim as only to render the darkness visible, called out, "Here, waiter, let me have a couple of decent candles to see how these others burn."

      XLVII.—HIC-CUPPING.

      A gentleman, at whose house Swift was dining in Ireland, after dinner introduced remarkably small hock-glasses, and at length turning to Swift addressed him: "Mr. Dean, I shall be happy to take a glass of hic, hæc, hoc, with you."—"Sir," rejoined the doctor, "I shall be happy to comply, but it must be out of a hujus glass."

      XLVIII.—WORDS THAT BURN.

      Dr. Robertson observed, that Johnson's jokes were the rebukes of the righteous, described in Scripture as being like excellent oil. "Yes," exclaimed Burke, "oil of vitriol!"

      XLIX.—PASSING THE BOTTLE.

      Foote being in company, and the wine producing more riot than concord, he observed one gentleman so far gone in debate as to throw the bottle at his antagonist's head; upon which, catching the missile in his hand, he restored the harmony of the company by observing, that "if the bottle was passed so quickly, not one of them would be able to stand out the evening."

      L.—"JUNIUS" DISCOVERED.

      Mr. Rogers was requested by Lady Holland to ask Sir Philip Francis whether he was the author of Junius. The poet approached the knight, "Will you, Sir Philip—will your kindness excuse my addressing to you a single question?"—"At your peril, sir!" was the harsh and the laconic answer. The intimidated bard retreated to his friends, who eagerly asked him the result of his application. "I don't know," he answered, "whether he is Junius; but, if he be, he is certainly Junius Brutus."

      LI.—A WEAK WOMAN.

      A loving husband once waited on a physician to request him to prescribe for his wife's eyes, which were very sore. "Let her wash them," said the doctor, "every morning with a small glass of brandy." A few weeks after, the doctor chanced to meet the husband. "Well, my friend, has your wife followed my advice?"—"She has done everything in her power to do it, doctor"; said the spouse, "but she never could get the glass higher than her mouth."

      LII.—TOO MANY COOKS.

      Elwes, the noted miser, used to say, "If you keep one servant, your work is done; if you keep two, it is half done; and if you keep three, you may do it yourself."

      LIII.—LOOK IN HIS FACE.

      Admiral Lord Howe, when a captain, was once hastily awakened in the middle of the night by the lieutenant of the watch, who informed him with great agitation that the ship was on fire near the magazine. "If that be the case," said he, rising leisurely to put on his clothes, "we shall soon know it." The lieutenant flew back to the scene of danger, and almost instantly returning, exclaimed, "You need not, sir, be afraid, the fire is extinguished."—"Afraid!" exclaimed Howe, "what do you mean by that, sir? I never was afraid in my life"; and looking the lieutenant full in the face, he added, "Pray, how does a man feel, sir, when he is afraid? I need not ask how he looks."

      LIV.—NOTHING BUT THE "BILL."

      John Horne Tooke's opinion upon the subject of law was admirable. "Law," he said, "ought to be, not a luxury for the rich, but a remedy, to be easily, cheaply, and speedily obtained by the poor." A person observed to him, how excellent are the English laws, because they are impartial, and our courts of justice are open to all persons without distinction. "And so," said Tooke, "is the London Tavern, to such as can afford to pay for their entertainment."

      LV.—AN EXTINGUISHER.

      While Commodore Anson's ship, the Centurion, was engaged in close fight, with the rich Spanish galleon, which he afterwards took, a sailor came running to him, and cried out, "Sir, our ship is on fire very near the powder magazine."—"Then pray, friend," said the commodore, not in the least degree discomposed, "run back and assist in putting it out."

      LVI.—A BAD SHOT.

      A cockney being out one day amusing himself with shooting, happened to fire through a hedge, on the other side of which was a man standing. The shot passed through the man's hat, but missed the bird. "Did you fire at me, sir?" he hastily asked. "O! no, sir," said the shrewd sportsman, "I never hit what I fire at."

      LVII.—WISE PRECAUTION.

      It is related of the great Dr. Clarke, that when in one of his leisure hours he was unbending himself with a few friends in the most playful and frolicsome manner, he observed Beau Nash approaching; upon which he suddenly stopped: "My boys," said he, "let us be grave: here comes a fool."

      LVIII.—A TRUMP CARD.

      At one of the Holland-house Sunday dinner-parties, a year or two ago, Crockford's Club, then forming, was talked of; and the noble hostess observed, that the female passion for diamonds was surely less ruinous than the rage for play among men. "In short, you think," said Mr. Rogers, "that clubs are worse than diamonds." This joke excited a laugh; and when it had subsided, Sydney Smith wrote the following impromptu sermonet—most appropriately on a card:—

      Thoughtless that "all that's brightest fades,"

       Unmindful of that Knave of Spades, The Sexton and his Subs: How foolishly we play our parts! Our wives on diamonds set their hearts, We set our hearts on clubs!

      LIX.—MISTAKEN IDENTITY.

      A physician attending a lady several times, had received a couple of guineas each visit; at last, when he was going away, she gave him but one; at which he was surprised, and looking on the floor, "I believe, madam," said he, "I have dropt a guinea."—"No, sir," replied the lady, "it is I that have dropt it."

      LX.—ALONE IN

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