Building Bridges - Don Parker

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the rule of the King of Castile in the early 16th century. “Burn the ship” was born from an idea that originated in 1519 during the battle at Tlaxcala, where Cortés’s army subdued the Tlaxcalans. That year, Cortés set sail to Veracruz, Mexico, with his crew. Upon arrival, Cortés’s men became weary and scared, with hopes of retreating home.

      As legend has it, Cortés had the men burn their ships, leaving no option but to fight for their lives. Their ability to retreat to safety and their previous way of life was gone; their safety net had been removed. They fought with all they had to win the battle because their lives depended on it. This victory eventually led to the fall of the Aztec Empire and Cortés established himself as the absolute ruler of a huge territory extending from the Caribbean Sea to the Pacific Ocean (Innes, n.d.).

      After my uncle shared this inspiring and heartfelt story with me, I buckled down. I told myself that I would not, and could not, give up! I put any thoughts and ideas about returning home out of my mind; I “burned my ship.” I started attending tutoring sessions. I stayed up late to study and complete assignments. I taught myself how to type. I made sure that I was never absent from class. I participated more frequently in class and in group work. Instead of partying every weekend, I went to the library or the computer lab. I applied myself, my grades improved, and my momentum built. I started believing in myself. When I finally earned my college degree, I felt a huge sense of accomplishment and developed a determined mindset: if it is worth having, then it is worth working for.

      This is the type of mindset educators must bring to the challenge of building trusting relationships with students at risk. We do not always know the right answers, but we have to persevere. Just as students in the classroom need to work to learn new concepts and master new skills, educators must work to understand students and figure out how to support and connect with them. We may not know what difficulty a particular student has, or what happened to the student, but we know that we have the power to make a difference. The reward is greater than the challenge. Realizing the goal means feeling that tremendous sense of accomplishment while enhancing students’ lives. Our lives and the students’ lives will mutually benefit as we forge and develop relationships that are worth every ounce of work that goes into them.

      To develop a relationship-building mindset, think about how your relationships with your students can be enhanced. Picture the ones who are at risk academically or display challenging behaviors and have avoided your previous attempts to establish a trusting relationship with them. Imagine how their achievement or behavior would improve if you had a connection with them. Now set a goal of establishing a relationship with these students, allowing reasonable time for this to be accomplished.

      As you set this goal for yourself, reflect on a time in your life when you set a goal that would take a considerable amount of time and effort to accomplish. Think about how determined you were to achieve this goal and the sense of accomplishment you felt when it was met. Recall some of the challenges or roadblocks that you had to overcome in order to meet your goal. Think about the strength, mental fortitude, or resources you enlisted to overcome these obstacles. Remember the time it took, and remember how you got through it by anticipating both the reward of finishing what you started and the ways in which your life would be enhanced as a result.

      Now picture the students you have difficulty with, and use this same mindset of determination to forge positive and trusting relationships with them. Parallel the goal of establishing a relationship with them to the goal you have already brought to fruition through your hard work and willpower. Tell yourself that since you were capable of investing the necessary amount of time, energy, physical effort, and mental effort into that goal, you are also capable of investing what is necessary to build a positive and trusting relationship with your students who may be at risk. This is how you develop a relationship-building mindset.

      Because this is not easy, remember the resources and supports that were available to you when you were going through the process of accomplishing your previous goal. Think of any resources or supports that are available as you face challenges building relationships with challenging students. As you set out to do this, you may also draw motivation from the feelings of elation that you experienced when you met your previous goal. Envision the mutual benefits as the reward of building those relationships, and use that anticipation of the end result to keep working, despite the difficulty or challenges that will arise. Do not allow yourself to give up!

      Once you have developed the mindset, then you must put it into action by showing students that you truly care about them. The next chapter covers this crucial aspect of engaging with students at risk.

Questions for Reflection

      Use the following four questions to reflect on what you have learned in this chapter. You may choose to journal about them or discuss them with a partner or small group to gain further insights.

      1. Think about a big accomplishment that you achieved. What were some of the difficulties you had to endure or some of the challenges you had to overcome? What made it worth it to keep going?

      2. Ask yourself if you are interested in or committed to building relationships with your challenging students. Think about a student you have had difficulty connecting with. What makes it difficult to build a relationship with him or her? What are some of the challenges?

      3. What are some of the benefits that you would like to see as a result of developing trusting relationships with your students?

      4. After developing a relationship-building mindset, how will you stay committed to connecting with your challenging students?

Action Steps

      Following are four action steps you can take right now to apply what you have learned and help students at risk in your classroom.

      1. Identify one of your students at risk and tell him or her that you are going to commit to helping him or her be successful this school year.

      2. Ask the student for three ways in which you can help him or her succeed in your class.

      3. Based on the response, list several things that you may have to sacrifice to support the student. For example, you may have to sacrifice eating lunch with your colleagues once per week to eat lunch with the student to get to know him or her better. Or, you may have to come in to work a half hour early or stay late once a week to tutor the student. Sometimes, to truly commit to a goal means making sacrifices in other areas.

      4. Based on your knowledge of your challenging students, anticipate several barriers they may put up to avoid building a positive relationship with you. To prevent giving up on these students, reflect on difficult times you have endured. Use the reproducible “Developing a Relationship-Building Mindset” to help you through the process of changing your mindset.

      Respond to the following prompts to help you discover how to develop a relationship-building mindset.

      1. Write down two of the most difficult or challenging goals you have accomplished so far in your life. Who helped or supported you, and how did that relationship help you accomplish your goals?

      A.

      B.

      2. Identify a student who is facing challenges or difficulties and how building a relationship with him or her might help this student succeed.

      3. What “ships” would you need to burn or excuses would you need to eliminate in order to develop a relationship-building mindset so you can be a more positive influence on students at risk in your classroom?

      Building Bridges © 2019 Solution Tree Press • SolutionTree.com Visit go.SolutionTree.com/behavior to download this free reproducible.

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