LITMIR.BIZ

CHAPTER II

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      About this period (1797) the three experimental regiments[3] were ordered to be formed, viz., the 22nd, 34th, and 65th regiments; the former at Colchester. I was, one morning in that year, about the month of January or February, busily employed in a field close by my master's house, when, who should I see but one of the parish officers making towards me, with a large paper in his hand. I began to muster and parade my crimes, but found, on a fair review, that I had done nothing that merited the interference of an officer; so I stood up boldly till he approached me, and smilingly said, "Shipp, I have frequently heard of, and observed your great wish to go for a soldier." He then read the paragraph, and asked me if I was willing to go; for that, if I was, the parish would rig me out decently, and that he would take me to Colchester. My little heart was in my mouth; I repeated his words, "Willing to go!" and eagerly assured him of the rapture with which I accepted his offer. The affair was soon concluded; so down went my shovel, and off I marched, whistling, "See, the conquering hero comes." By four o'clock of the same day, to the honour and praise of the parish be it spoken, I was rigged out in my new leather tights, new coat, new hat, new shoes, new everything—of which I was not a little proud. I begged, as a particular favour, that I might sport colours in my hat; and even this was permitted to my vanity, as long as I remained in the town. I took an affectionate leave of all my old playfellows and my good mistress; and even my cruel master was not neglected by me, for I never had malice or unforgiveness in my disposition.

      The next day, by seven o'clock in the morning, I was on my way to Colchester; and, when I was seated on the front seat of the coach, I would not have exchanged situations with the grand pasha of Egypt, or the king upon the throne of that land of which I was a native. Scarcely had I seated myself, and adjusted my feet in a safe situation, than I indulged my coach companions by whistling several martial airs; but, coming to a well-known turn of the road, from which you take the farewell peep at Saxmundham, as much as I loved my king, I stopped short in the middle of the national anthem, and my eye bent its way instinctively towards my native village, where I first saw the light of heaven, and rested on the little village spire, which reared its Gothic head over the remains of my poor mother. Towards this painfully interesting object I looked and looked, till the place of my nativity was buried from my sight by the surrounding trees. When bereft of this view, I felt pensive and sad, and could only console myself by reflecting, that I did not fly from my parental roof; nor was I deserting aged parents, or unprotected sisters, for I had no one to bewail my departure. Yet I could not help feeling that I left something behind me that hung like a magnet to my heart; with all my misfortunes, all my cares and troubles, still I could not quit, without a pang, the place of my birth, and the tomb of my beloved mother. At last, three gentlemen on the coach, having heard my history from the person who accompanied me, cheered me up by saying, that they knew the corps I was going to, and that they were all lads like myself. This notice from strangers so enlivened me, that I began to regard myself as no small personage, and I talked as much as any of them, until we arrived at an inn in Colchester, where we dined. Here I was marched off to the colonel of the corps in which I was to serve; from the colonel to the adjutant; from the adjutant to the sergeant-major; from the sergeant-major to the drum-major; and thence to his wife, an old drunken Irish woman, but as good a creature as ever drank whisky. In the custody of this lady, the friend who came with me left me, first giving me a hearty shake of the hand, and wishing me every happiness. I must confess I felt now quite deserted: about twenty boys gathered round me, and I soon found that my fine leathers were the subject of their ridicule and laughter; some of them crying out, "Bill, twig his leathers!"—"Smoke his new coat!"—"My eye! what a buck!"—"Some gemman's son, I suppose, run away from his daddy!"—"Never mind," said another, "we'll soon drill his leathers into hot rolls and butter." Here my friend Maggy, the Irish woman, interposed her aid in my behalf. "Arrah!" said she, "what are you gazing at, you set of spalpeens, you? Be off, you set of thaves, or I will be after breaking some of your nasty dirty mugs for you. Arrah! don't mind them; sure they are nothing at all but a set of monkeys just catched. Come here, honey, and let me see who will be after laying a finger on you." Here she seated me by her side, rubbed my chin, patted my back, eyed my coat and breeches, and asked me if I had got any pence in my pocket, with which she should get me some hot rolls and butter, for ta. I gave her a shilling, and she brought two rolls and butter. The residue I suppose she spent in gin, for she began to give me some of her Irish hugs; so much so, that I wished myself at a greater distance. One of the boys cried out, "Ask for the change—ask her for the change, or she will do you." At this imputation Maggy got on her legs, and, seizing a large trencher, tottered, or rather staggered, towards the boy, and exclaimed, "You great big blackguard, you, do you want to rob me of my name? Take that, and bad luck to you!" Here she hurled the trencher at him, but the effort carried old Maggy off her legs, and she exhibited her gigantic figure on the floor, to the amusement of all the barrack. I could not help laughing heartily, though I found I had got among a queer set; when the drum-major entering, and seeing his wife on the floor, vociferated, "Get up, you old drunken hag; or, by St. Patrick! and that's no small oath, but I'll pay you off." Here Maggy made an effort to rise, but the drop had done her up; and I was obliged to give her a helping hand, and she was put to bed, clothes and all.

      On the following morning I was taken to a barber's, and deprived of my curly brown locks. My hair curled beautifully, but in a minute my poor little head was nearly bald, except a small patch behind, which was reserved for a future operation. I was then paraded to the tailor's shop, and deprived of my new clothes—coat, leathers, and hat—for which I received, in exchange, red jacket, red waistcoat, red pantaloons, and red foraging-cap. The change, or metamorphosis, was so complete, that I could hardly imagine it to be the same dapper little fellow. I was exceedingly tall for a boy of ten years of age; but, notwithstanding this, my clothes were much too large: my sleeves were two or three inches over my hands, or rather longer than my fingers; and the whole hung on me, to use a well-known expression, like a purser's shirt on a hand-spike. My pride was humbled, my spirits drooped, and I followed the drum-major, hanging my head like a felon going to the place of execution. I cut such a queer figure, that all who met me turned round and stared at me. At last, I mustered up courage enough to ask one little chap what he was staring at, when he replied, "Ask my eye, Johnny Raw;" at the same time adding his extended fingers and thumb to the length of his nose. Passing some drummers on their way to practice, I got finely roasted. "Twig the raw-skin!"—"Smoke his pantaloons!"—"Them there trousers is what I calls a knowing cut!"—"Look at the sign of the Red Man!" &c., &c. Under this kind of file-firing I reached my barrack, where I was doomed to undergo the same routine of quizzing, till at length I got nettled, and told one of the boys, if he did not let me alone, I should

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