LITMIR.BIZ

Скачать книгу

wrote, it lets my ego off the hook from doing the work. Why bother if I can't possibly obtain the state of Grace that Jesus did?

      Like the subject of God, what one believes about Jesus and how important that belief is to that person tells me more about the person than Jesus. It's how one thinks and acts in this world holding his/her beliefs that is important to me.

      * * * *

      It didn't take me long to see and have problems with Unity and the congregation. Unity emphasizes spiritual healing and prosperity in its teachings. While I agree with the concept "thoughts in the mind produce their kind", I have come to understand that shit happens and this is not necessarily or primarily of my own creation. The emphasis on prosperity seemed blasphemous to me even then. There was most certainly hero worship by this congregation of their reverend, a best-selling author. I believe J. reveled in this attention. There was a tight inner circle—and I was not in it. Finally, the reverend was unhappy preaching in a school auditorium. It seemed to me that she cajoled the congregation at every possible forum to find, purchase, or build a building.

      I am not unique in asking this question: Is the church, synagogue, mosque, sangha, etc. the building or the congregation of souls who seek Grace? I come down firmly on the latter.

      I have seen—and suffered through—more than one fight over a building. It serves as a lightning rod that attracts the misunderstood and usually denied dark sides of its members. J. did get her church home. And a few years later, I saw the "for rent" sign on the building. I don't have all the exact details, but here is what I heard. The building was a practical and spiritual strain. That and responses to the reverend's personal and professional style split the congregation.

      * * * *

      My personal dealings with J. were mixed. She was very patient with me as I struggled with "the Jesus thing". But like the rabbis, I was unable to develop a Trinity in her presence. I blush to write this but I think it apt—she and her husband, also a reverend, morphed into my parents; the other congregants, my siblings. As one of the "runts" I was fighting too hard and usually, unsuccessfully to gain their attention. I can't remember what the final straw was and, I left that congregation.

      I started attending the other Unity congregation on the east side of Cleveland. This congregation was mostly African-American. I have to admit that being in the minority was uncomfortable for me at first. My stuff, not theirs; this was a welcoming congregation.

      Here, Jesus was front and center. The reverend was given due reverence but not hero-worshipped for his knowledge of the Bible. (I had no personal contact with him during my sojourn in that community.) I gained more knowledge of and comfort with Jesus and the Gospels. I joined the choir, giving me the first exposure to hymns and gospels I was to hear over the next decade of my search and having some funny experiences in the process:

      •The choir was very small but with excellent voices. I was the only white member and certainly, the only (former) Jew. On more than one occasion, we would sing a Gospel standard. In practice, a member would say: "Oh, this one will be easy—you know it backwards!" To which I would reply: "Try me!"

      •One year, we participated in a community church sing. The choir director wanted to make sure we all dressed the same; she wanted the men to wear white shirts and black pants. I only had a pair of blue pants, so I asked her if that would work. One of the other members broke in: "No way; you'll stand out!" I replied: "Excuse me, but I am the only white guy here and I am a foot taller than all of you. Believe me—I stand out!" But I felt really good about her comment. Race was not an issue. . . for either of us!

      Sadly, this congregation split over ritual. As time went on, I realized that there were two factions in the church: those that wanted services to be more reminiscent of their upbringing, and those who wanted to move beyond what one member called: "Tam-bour-eenes of Glo-ree!" (I wish I could give you the rhythm and emphasis of how that was said!) The music sung by the choir turned out to be a focal point for the controversy. One week, we sang a beautiful, Medieval English hymn. I am not sure why this touched off the "traditionalists", but at the next mid-week practice, the choir director tearfully informed us she had been fired. This led to bad feelings, both within the choir and the congregation. I can't remember at what point and with what words, but I Heard my time with this congregation and Unity Church was over.

      "THIS IS A COURSE IN MIRACLES"

      The major gift I gained from the first Unity Church I attended was my introduction to A Course in Miracles ("the Course"). The Course has proven to be a watershed—the watershed?—of my spiritual life. It seems to me that whatever technologies I explored going forward were informed, sifted, and measured by the Knowledge I hold from the Course. Writing this document has shown me how much it has affected me as I look back. Here is its own summary:

      "This is a course in miracles. It is a required course. Only the time you take it is voluntary… it aims at removing the blocks to the awareness of love's presence which is your natural inheritance... the opposite of love is fear, but what is all encompassing has no opposite.

      This course can be summed up very simply in this way: Nothing real can be threatened. Nothing unreal exists. This is the peace of God."²⁴

      The rest of the Text is merely theme and variation on these concepts.

      The Course is a channeled work. The author is Jesus. The Text is not an easy read, either in content or style. It is written in iambic pentameter²⁵; if you don't get the rhythm, a sentence can sound like gibberish. The Course's channel²⁶ used to say in jest that the Course was probably meant for five, maybe six people at the most. If so, it appears that I was the latecomer to the sextet!

      It seems to me that in terms of natural gifts and my path to date, I was perfectly attuned to resonate with the Course. I am a mystic. Judaism had taught me to appreciate study and good works. Yoga had allowed me to quiet my mind and to focus my attention. Counseling had shown me how the ego could and had tripped me up. Unity Church had introduced me to Jesus and forced me to develop a relationship with him, however rudimentary or confused at the time; to put his example into in my life. And all this training had taught me to be comfortable with cognitive dissonance!²⁷ I myself had done some pretty dissonant things by then, so the upset factor on that score was nil. So this woman "channeled a spirit she called Jesus". That was as close to the truth of the Course's birth as I could manage at the time. I resisted for some time the fact that Jesus is the author; even though that is quite clear from the Text. (I am so good at denial!)

      Any qualms I had about the Course were soothed when I read it. From the very first time I read the Course, I knew I was reading The Real Thing. I felt immediate kinship with the content. Something inside me said: "YES!" It is not uncommon for me to be moved to tears when I read the Course.

      I clearly recall my first lesson. It was February 1991. The group was reading the Workbook for Students, Lesson Two: "I have given everything I see in this room (on this street, from this window, in this place) all the meaning it has for me." I did not have a book when we started, so I read along with someone else. You can bet I bought the book that day!

      Another mystery in my life…The Workbook has 365 lessons. Although certainly not required, my guess is that most individuals would start the Workbook on January 1^st, so the class would have been on a much later lesson. I might have been lost that early on in my introduction to the Course.

      I remember looking up and out the window. It was one of those very cold days when it was sunny, yet gentle wisps of snow were falling. Winter is my favorite season and I appreciate scenes like this. And at that moment, I suddenly "got" that it was I who endowed the pleasure to this view. I remember that someone had complained about the cold before we started. He might not have liked the scene so much!

      * * * *

      I read the Workbook with this study group and I began reading the Text at home. But on my own, I screeched to a stop when I started reading words like "atonement"—they pushed my "Jesus died for your sins" button. Once I left Unity Church, I was on my own with the Course and being stuck, I did not read it much. Fortuitously, my friend Leila knew of a study group, not part of any church,

Скачать книгу