LITMIR.BIZ

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      I participated in communion at two United Church of Christ congregations. At the second church, we would use a sandwich bun for the Bread. At the conclusion of one service, I found one of the parishioners in the kitchen, turning over the silver plate to dump "the Body of Christ" into the garbage can! I was horrified. He was like, "Whaaat. . . wuzza matter?" He had not been taught and/or did not grasp what we had just done collectively: we had made something sacred by our intention, prayer, and sharing.

      I rescued that Bread and every other piece thereafter. I took it home for the animals. Shades of St. Francis!

      The lack of religious understanding on the part of children is not the fault of the religion. Children are. . . well, children. Most of these developing minds are too immature to grasp or process Numinous concepts. Even if they are precocious enough to ask, children usually get watered down, reified answers. And if they don't like the answers, children are often subtly (or not-so-subtly) punished. In my experience, if you want a cogent explanation and a sincere and deep appreciation of a religion or body of spiritual thought—find a convert!

      Having said that, I agree with Jesus: the so-called simple minds of children can come to God and stay there!

      * * * *

      On the practical level, Judaism has contributed to my growth as a human being; if I may be so bold, a mensch. Judaism has been fundamental to my spiritual growth. My drive to read and to study; my desire and capability to question (when you have two Jews together you have at least three opinions!); my appreciation of service—they each had their birth and were nurtured through Judaism. Look at every field of human endeavor; for such a small number, Jews have contributed much to the forward (spiritual) progress of Humankind. Surely this religion played a profound and probably non-conscious role in these people's lives. It must be so for me. I have known plenty of Real Deals who just happened to be Jews. And I have met or on hotline, spoken to others for whom participation in Judaism was transformative; even life-saving.

      I am grateful to Judaism, even for its challenges. Feeling like a stranger in my home religion provided me with important tools for discerning my participation in a technology or a community. My "God-ar" goes up whenever a technology differentiates between people. For example: saved vs. condemned, lost vs. found, sinful vs. righteous. Even those who say they are spiritual, not religious! If any community claims to have the only right way, whether it is its concept of God or the need or right way to practice something to gain His favor or receive Grace, count me out! And quelle suprise—I developed a profound skepticism of rite and ritual. I learned to question whether the energy spent on a service, rite, or ritual actually achieved the higher Goal for which it was intended. If I couldn't make the connection, I refused to participate. A different version of a stiff necked Jew!

      * * * *

      My mother and sister speak of how comforting and grounding Judaism is for them. But in my humble opinion, that is not the goal of religion. I believe the job of religion—any religion—is to remind the person that there is something greater than themselves; Something greater than their own mind. Religion should inspire and support that person to leave their thinking mind; to join with that Something. Religion should bring that person to awe. Awe is "a strong feeling of fear, respect and also wonder."¹⁸ And those are words that in my experience are aspects of Grace.

      I don't believe religion should be a comforting activity. If the technology in which I participate isn't shining light on the boogeymen that hold me back from true love; if I am not moving ahead into uncharted territory with faith; if I am not excited (joyful and scared) on my spiritual journey, then I am not on a journey to Grace.

      My ego is just looking for a place to hide.

      TWELVE STEPS, THREE PROGRAMS

      I came to Al-Anon about two and a half years after I started counseling; two years after starting yoga. I sought Al-Anon because as I put it in leads¹⁹: "I couldn't keep it up." As useful as hotline, counseling, and yoga proved to my uncovery, my ego was firmly in control. The pain-avoider and people-pleaser drivers in my mind kept beating up on me, terrifying and exhausting me with thoughts of being a failure—and later, becoming a success.

      I first learned about Twelve Step programs through the Free Clinic hotline. As with so many of my issues, I had recommended it to a host of clients by then! One of my hotline partners was an adult child and once in between callers, that person shared with me the characteristics of an "ACA" (adult child of an alcoholic). Bells went off—that's too mild a figure of speech—add in a brass band and flags a-flying! I wanted to attend a meeting, but the person told me that you had to be the child of an alcoholic. Because neither of my parents drank, I dropped the idea. Five more years elapsed before I got to my first meeting. . .

      That person's statement was not correct, but oh well. While my father was not an alcoholic, he was a nicotine and sugar addict. (I am too.) Given how my dad and my uncles turned out, I would bet that my grandfather had some addiction; alcohol seems the likely, affordable substance. And while my mother and her parents were not alcoholic, there was plenty of substance abuse in the family. . . four of my grandfather's siblings for a start. In my generation? Yeah, there's addiction! Think I "qualified"? Leave out the addiction—there is mental illness on both sides of my family and that takes a toll on families, over generations. Here's the "I statement": it did in mine!

      My ticket in was ostensibly the spouse of a good friend who declared they were an alcoholic. I was now officially "a family or friend of an alcoholic". On May 27, 1987, I attempted to sneak into my first meeting. It wasn't that admission was restricted. I just didn't want anyone to know I was there! Someone would say something to my family. My attendance would be in the paper. Hell, it would be broadcast to the entire world! I soon learned this was an example of "terminal uniqueness"; thinking I am different from everyone else when I share the same issues and face the same challenges.

      I deliberately came in late and tried to take a seat in the very back of the room. But I stepped on a chair holder in front of me. It popped up and then slammed on the floor. . . BANG! Fifty pairs of eyes turned towards me. I used to say in leads this was proof that my Higher Power had a sense of humor. Today I see this as one of many synchronicities that just happen in my life. (Sorry theists/deists, this does not make me believe in a Creator/Daddy/Planner God; check out Jung on this.) I don't remember the content of that meeting, but I do remember trying to get out quickly when it was over. But before I could, I was met with hugs from one past co-worker and two other acquaintances. They knew I needed a program!

      * * * *

      My favorite Al-Anon aphorism is: "A journey of a thousand miles begins with a single step." Bill W. and Dr. Bob, the receivers of Alcoholics Anonymous (AA), didn't come up with that. It's attributed to Lao-Tse, the Tao philosopher. I love the breadth of wisdom that Program is willing to embrace!

      For the past 27 years, the steps, slogans, sharing, sponsorship, and support I have gained through Al-Anon have seen me through journey after journey. These include: coming out (at 38), dating (men!), a 13-year partnership and the dissolution of that partnership, innumerable (inter)personal crises and job stresses, unemployment, and starting my own business. Al-Anon has meaningfully helped me cope with those issues for which no human being can offer a definitive answer—growing older, sickness, dying and death of those I love. . . facing my own mortality.

      Al-Anon has given me a gentle but powerful forum for developing my concept of a Higher Power, as well as providing me with maps and natives to save time and effort on my journey to a humble, healthy relationship with a God of my understanding. It has proved to be excellent mind training; it has stretched my natural talents of honesty, openness, and willingness.²⁰ Al-Anon has taught me to forgive—not only those who hurt me but myself. I have learned to "not regret the past nor wish to shut the door on it".²¹ Al-Anon has gifted me with a family of amazing souls with whom I have learned healthy intimacy and true friendship. It has given me a loving family of blessing with whom I can share, refresh, and celebrate on my journey.

      Oh yeah. . . it has helped me to live successfully and lovingly with the many addicts in my family and my life!

      Being an anonymous program

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