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      I have shared this imagery with thousands of people in my workshops, and many people have said to me that the image of me standing there using my hands to represent the ‘asking’ by drawing out knowledge, wisdom and expertise was so profound that they remembered it years later. Let’s hope it stays with you as a powerful reminder of the importance of enabling people by asking them questions. Indeed, you will note that in the ‘asking’ space you bring a different belief about the other person. May I suggest that you see them as being resourceful, creative, knowledgeable and wise, with expertise that is far more amazing than even they realise. Remember, when you are at the ‘telling’ end of our line you don’t believe any of these things about the other person – in fact, you probably believe (or at least infer) that they know nothing. Wow – how powerful it is to remember these things!

      Now let’s look at the second thing that is different at the ‘asking’ end of the line. In theory, I don’t need a solution to the problem or issue, because the assumption is made that the other person has the answer and therefore my role is just to draw it out. Now, I know many of you are saying: ‘But what if the other person doesn’t know the answer?’ In that case, asking would be a waste of time; it may be true that they don’t know, in which case you can revert to ‘telling’. However, in many instances they do have some ideas, and the very fact that we automatically go to the ‘telling’ space means that their ideas never see the light of day! So, asking must be the best first response. Later in the book we will explore the way you can respond to various scenarios, such as when someone appears not to know something, but I felt I had to address this point early on as I know objections come up quickly in people’s minds that are best dealt with straight away.

      So, if in theory I accept that I don’t need to have the answer but that the other person does have the answer (or at least some ideas to bring to the table), then I hope it makes it easier to step into a ‘questioning’ mode because you recognise that you are there to draw out wisdom rather than to convey information. If you see this ‘drawing out’ as the way to approach your role, rather than being the fountain of all knowledge, you will immediately start to tap into the potential of your team and the dynamics of your relationship will shift to a more positive, empowering and engaging one.

      It will be good to explore the ‘asking’ space a little further, so let me share a non-work-related example of when I was able to support a client with a problem she had. In this example, you will see that I had no idea how to help her in a traditional ‘telling’ sense, but by asking her Better Questions she was able to be resourceful and find the answers herself. This particular client had come to me because she wanted to make a number of changes in her life – and one of these changes was that she wanted to give up smoking. What was interesting for me to acknowledge was that I was unable to stand in the ‘telling’ space because I had never been a smoker; I had no personal experience of having to give up smoking, and I also couldn’t draw on expertise from experiences of friends or family as they had never given up smoking either. I hope you can see that I couldn’t be teacher, trainer, educator, expert or mentor – I could only be an ‘asker’.

      This was one of my first conscious experiences of being an ‘asker’ rather than a ‘teller’, and whilst I confess to feeling a little apprehensive because I wasn’t able to help in the traditional way by giving advice, I stuck to the principles I knew about asking Better Questions. I have to say that I was amazed by how resourceful my client was and how she was able to find her own answer to her problem. It wasn’t that she was incapable of finding answers to the problem of successfully giving up smoking, it was that she had not given herself enough focused time (and the right questions) to enable her to find the strategy that was going to work for her. Using the skills that I am going to share with you throughout this book, she was not only able to identify her success strategy, but within a matter of weeks she was able to put it into place to successfully become a non-smoker.

      I share this story so that you can see that when we don’t provide answers to problems, we can still help people to find answers themselves by asking Better Questions. Indeed, I will make the point that we will revisit later: when we don’t have the answer to something, it is often easier to be an ‘asker’ because then we cannot be tempted to jump in and give the other person advice that inhibits their resourcefulness.

      It’s not often that we can make a case for not having all the answers, but in my experience being an ‘asker’ rather than a ‘teller’ frequently enables us to be better leaders. When we always have an answer to something we are often tempted to be ‘tellers’, and it is this issue that will be your greatest challenge to becoming more of an ‘asker’, a true Potentialiser, and using those Better Questions.

CHAPTER SUMMARY

As leaders we wear many hats. Many of these hats sit traditionally and comfortably in the ‘telling’ space. When we are in the ‘asking’ space we accept that the other person is resourceful and that we don’t need to come up with an answer. When we don’t have an answer to something it is easier to be an ‘asker’, and when we do have an answer it makes ‘asking’ all the more challenging.

      Chapter 2

      The way we do things around here

      As managers, our greatest challenges nearly always relate to people, and in particular being able to motivate, engage and get the most out of our teams. Over the years, I have learnt that there is no magic wand that you can wave to achieve these outcomes, although managers and leaders who are able to build their skills to get these outcomes are the ones everyone loves to work for, and are the ones who achieve amazing results with their teams.

      So whilst I cannot promise you that magic wand, after you have read this book I can promise that if you put the techniques into practice you will certainly be a better leader than most, and undoubtedly one who people enjoy working with. You will also have a team that is empowered, engaged and achieves great results.

      Research carried out a number of years ago suggests that in a typical workplace up to 60 per cent of people’s potential is not used. The main reason for this is the inability of managers, through lack of awareness and skills, to create a culture that values people using more of their potential in the workplace, and typically these managers adopt a ‘telling’ style. Indeed, most managers adopt this style because it is what is passed on to them by their peers and it is what they think is required of them in their role.

      In my experience in typical workplace cultures years ago, ‘telling’ people what to do was the norm and I see little evidence to suggest that this is not commonplace in many workplaces today – and I have worked with a lot of organisations! In fact, whenever I share this opinion in workshops I have never had anyone disagree with me, and they invariably confirm that this is standard practice in their own workplaces. On a positive note, I am going to suggest that by creating a culture where asking Better Questions is the norm, we will tap into the potential of our teams and the 60 per cent of unused potential will be an historical statistic.

      Beliefs

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