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all ran out of juices

      When the onion made them cry.

      So next time you have salad,

      A picnic or a stew

      EAT YOUR FRUIT AND VEGETABLES

      Before they pick on you!

      A Bear’s Tale by Brian

      Long ago and far, far away in the magical mountains of Magherafelt there lived two lovely princesses. Their names were Bluebelle, and Annabelle.

      Together they lived in a spectacular palace that was made entirely from Tyrone Crystal, which made it sparkle all the colours of the rainbow in the occasional Magherafelt sunshine.

      Bluebelle had a teddy called Mr Bear (so called because he had no clothes). Mr Bear had a best friend called Mrs Ted (so called because she once had a friend called Ted, but he had been buried in the garden by a bad dog. And she misses Ted). Mrs Ted was Annabelle’s teddy.

      The teddies’ worst enemy was the palace dog, and I’m sure you can guess why: because dogs smell like little boys who need a bath, and when the dog played with the teddies they always seemed to end up in the dog’s basket covered in slobber, lying in bits of old bone, chewed slippers, and the postman’s trousers. And then the teddies smelt like little boys who need a bath - phew!

      The teddies were both golden brown, and very soft and fluffy. Their favourite food was kipper and marmalade trifle. This was not because they liked to eat kipper and marmalade trifle (because teddies do not have a digestive system, and therefore they cannot eat), they loved kipper and marmalade trifle because it looked so beautiful, and the horrible smell kept the slobbery palace dog away.

      Mr Bear’s favourite day of the week was Monday. On Mondays he travelled to Lisburn Swimming Pool to meet his friends for a lovely swim, and then some ice-cream and pizza (which they all liked to look at).

      However, one Monday afternoon Mr Bear arrived home from his swim to discover Bluebelle and Annabelle’s suitcases being packed into an Ulsterbus. Puzzled, Mr Bear asked Mrs Ted if she knew where the princesses were going to.

      “They are going to the beautiful island of Tobago, where the sky is always blue, and the sea is always warm.” replied Mrs Ted.

      Mr Bear gasped in shock and ran up stairs to find Bluebelle to ask her what in the name of all that is pink and fluffy did she think she was doing. Bluebelle was in the small drawing-room on the fifty-third floor. She turned to the door as Mr Bear collapsed exhausted into the room. “What in the name of everything that is pink and fluffy do you think you’re doing?” he panted. Bluebelle’s eyes were filled with guilt and sadness, and she began to cry. Mr Bear raced across the room towards Bluebelle; Bluebelle raced towards Mr Bear; they greeted each other with a great big cuddly hug.

      Bluebelle whispered softly into Mr Bear’s fluffy little ear, “I’m only going to the beautiful island of Tobago, where the skies are always blue, and the sea is always warm.” And then she pressed the button to call the elevator.

      As Mr Bear wiped his shiney little nose and soaked up his tears, Bluebelle stepped into the elevator, and the doors closed between them.

      Frantically Mr Bear pressed the call button to bring the elevator back, but Bluebelle was gone.

      Mr Bear was as mad as two ferrets in a bag of very stingy bees. He was going to show little miss princess smarty-pants a thing or two.

      Mr Bear sent a text message to Mrs Ted, asking her to meet him in one hour at the front door of the palace. This gave Mr Bear enough time to order all of Bluebelle’s three-hundred and forty-two cars to be sent to the short-stay carpark at Belfast International Airport; then he phoned up the estate agents and put the palace up for sale for 50p; and then he told all the palace servants that Bluebelle had ordered them all to take early retirement, and that they should help themselves to whatever they liked in the palace, to sell on eBay.

      Next, Mr Bear phoned up Rent A Magic Horse Limited, and ordered a magic horse to be sent round immediately, (and paid for it in advance with Bluebelle’s credit card).

      At two o’clock precisely, Mr Bear and Mrs Ted met at the top of the steps at the front door of the palace, just as the magic horse was delivered.

      The magic horse was called Smelly. They were given an instruction manual, safety helmets, comprehensive insurance, and a bag of magic carrots.

      Mr Bear and Mrs Ted climbed onto the magic horse, punched the coordinates into Smelly’s saddle sat-nav, pushed a magic carrot into each of Smelly’s ears, and sang the magic words: “AWAY, Y’BOY-YA.” And with a hoof and a poof, and a wiggle and a waggle, and a puff of smoke from Smelly’s bottom (which explained why he was called Smelly), they roared off into the west, narrowly missing the palace flagpole (which now had a big For Sale sign nailed to it).

      Well, before they could say “Deoxyribonucleic Acid” they had arrived in Tobago, and sure enough the sky was blue and the sea was lovely and warm. Mr Bear told Smelly to gallop to the best hotel on the island, and when they arrived Mr Bear purchased all the rooms in the hotel, leaving only the broom cupboard under the stairs.

      Bluebelle arrived the very next day in her Ulsterbus, and she was not very impressed with her room. It was very small, it had no windows, and it smelt of cleaning products. Bluebelle immediately complained, and asked for another room, but unfortunately Mr Bear had already overspent Bluebelle’s credit limit on her credit card, so Bluebelle was really stuck. She wearily moved into the broom cupboard, and tried to cry herself to sleep standing up beside the vacuum cleaner.

      Mr Bear and Mrs Ted knocked on Bluebelle’s door. When she answered, she could hardly believe her sore and swollen little eyes (Bluebelle was allergic to cleaning products). “Mr Bear, Mrs Ted! How did you get here? I thought I left you at home in the magical mountains of Magherafelt.” she exclaimed.

      Mr Bear raised himself up to his full height of 32.5 centimetres (he was wearing his extra-high-heeled shoes), and peering into the room he quickly realised exactly what was going on....

      “Ha-Ha!” he scoffed, “Just as I suspected, you, you, you.......” he struggled to find a suitably unpleasant word to describe Bluebelle, “You indescribably unpleasant person.”

      Mr Bear pushed past Bluebelle into the darkness of the broom cupboard, and grasped another teddy by his little washing instruction label. “Uh-Huh! So who is THIS?”

      Bluebelle was lost for words. She had been found out, and she was so ashamed. “This is Mr Cuddles, my new teddy,” she blurted.

      “But,..... WHY?” cried Mr Bear, distinctly disappointed by Bluebelle’s deceptive dishonesty, disloyalty, (and strong smell of disinfectants).

      “Well,” explained Bluebelle, “Mr Cuddles comes with washable acrylic fur, CE approved glass eyes, and a hot water bottle compartment. I didn’t want to upset you, Mr Bear, but Mr Cuddles is much better than you are,….. and he comes with a ten year warranty.”

      “And what am I to do?” Mr Bear asked with a broken heart, “Am I destined to dig ditches in Dundonald?”

      “NO!” boomed a voice from the corridor. Mr Bear and Mrs Ted spun round to see who was there. A tall policeman with fancy reflective sunglasses stood blocking their escape, “No, Mr Bear. I expect you to go to prison for a very long time, you wicked little furball,” he continued, “And anything you say will be taken down and used in evidence against you.”

      “Trousers!” shouted Mrs Ted, and the pair of bears ran past the fumbling policeman as his trousers slipped to his ankles.

      But it was no use, Mr Bear realised that even if he did escape, things would never be the same, ever again.

      Needless to say, nobody lived happily ever after. Mr Bear was locked

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