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tail is of the reptile sort.

      Their chests are broad, their stomachs' small,

      They barely have a waist at all.

      Their spines are long and shiny black

      And run right down the creature's back.

      They're covered head to toe with lots

      Of large and tiny purple spots.

      So if you do one thing today,

      Make yourself this beast's salvation;

      All you have to do is pay

      A rather hefty cash donation.

      One last thing I'll say before

      You walk away at lightning pace;

      My pleas for cash you might ignore,

      But could you say "no" to that face?

      Elephant, Elephant by Brian

      Elephant, Elephant, where have you been?

      “I’ve been to London to visit the queen.”

      Elephant, Elephant, what did she say?

      “Get out of my palace. Get Out! Go away.”

      Elephant, Elephant, where did you go?

      “I rushed to the garden, and ran to and fro.”

      Elephant, Elephant, where did you hide?

      “I was too tall and too long and too wide.”

      Elephant, Elephant, what happened next?

      “She called for some soldiers, she sent them a text.”

      Elephant, Elephant, did you get hurt?

      “The soldiers were busy, (eating dessert).”

      Elephant, Elephant, what happened then?

      “Teatime was struck on the bell at Big Ben.”

      Elephant, Elephant, what did you do?

      “I had to give up, and return to the zoo.”

      Elephant, elephant, please tell me more.

      No….. I’m afraid you’re becoming a bore.

      I Don’t Want a Bath by Bowen

      Once upon a time there was a little pig called Bo. His mum was called Sniffer because she sniffs everything.

      Sniffer said, "Bath Time!"

      But when Sniffer looked for Bo he wasn't there.

      "Oh no!" shouted Sniffer. But Bo was under a branch oinking at Sniffer.

      Sniffer said, “BAD BOY! You should never oink at me like that.”

      But Bo said, “There is a lion and two bears and a tiger behind you.”

      The bear kicked Bo in his bath. And then the lion growled at Bo, and bit Sniffer on her bum.

      Bo likes the bath now.

      And now Sniffer listens when Bo oinks a warning.

      Scruffy Scumbags by Brian

      Once, twice, and occasionally thrice upon a time, in the faraway land of Aghadowey, there lived a very hairy boy called Scruffy Scumbags.

      Scruffy Scumbags didn’t have any friends because he was so hairy and smelly and dirty. Everyone just thought he was just another talking pile of Aghadowey rubbish.

      And he smelled awful. Scruffy Scumbags smelled of old socks and drain water, in fact if your washed your dad’s old socks in a drain and smelt them, they would smell exactly the same as Scruffy Scumbags smells.

      One day Scruffy Scumbags was a bit hungry. “Gggggggrrrruuuummmmbbbbllllllle,” said his rumbly tumbly.

      “Doooe!” complained Scruffy Scumbags, I better get on my bicycle and go to Tescos. So off he went.

      But, Uh-Oh! Because Scruffy Scumbags was so hairy and so smelly, the police thought that a wild and smelly animal was on the rampage.

      So the police shot Scruffy Scumbags with a big dart full of sleepy medicine, and sent him to live at Belfast Zoo.

      So Scruffy Scumbags didn’t live happily ever after (except on Tuesdays when his mummy brought him extra bananas).

      Please don’t be like Scruffy Scumbags. Go and have a bath, and get a hair cut (or even better, get lots of hairs cut), or else you might end up eating bananas in Belfast Zoo too.

      The Crazy Gun by Bowen

      Once upon a time there was a very clever man called Sam. A very crazy man gave Sam a gun and said, "This gun I gave you is very special, it can do what ever you ask it to do."

      Sam was always happy, but his mother wasn't very happy.

      Sam told his mum that he had a new gun, but his mum didn't care.

      Sam said to his gun, “Shoot a nice potion at my mother”, and the potion worked.

      Sam's mum got very nice… but she ended up looking like a monkey.

      Sam wasn't very happy.

      Sam tried shooting his bed and it ended up like a bomb.

      Sam ran away and his house went BOOOOOOM!

      All Sam’s family ended up living in a hotel… and Sam’s dad ended up looking like a dinosaur.

      The man who gave Sam the gun came back.

      And the man said, "Why are you living in a hotel with a monkey and a dinosaur?”

      Sam took the gun and shot the crazy man in the bum, and the crazy man turned into a jelly trifle. So Sam and the monkey and the dinosaur had jelly trifle for tea, and lived very happily ever after.

      My Education by Blair

      In English classes back in School

      You'd think that I was dead;

      My eyes would glaze, my mouth would drool

      While poetry was read.

      Though often I would sit and draw

      On the blank side of my page,

      Until my English teacher saw

      And erupted into rage:

      “YOU WRETCHED CHILD! YOU SILLY NOODLE!

      SIT UP AND PAY ATTENTION!

      IF YOU DON'T STOP THAT STUPID DOODLE

      I'LL THROW YOU IN DETENTION!”

      My teacher could write a better poem

      Than this, with his education,

      But I'd ashame him if I show him

      That mine has an illustration.

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