Manners and Rules of Good Society; Or, Solecisms to be Avoided - Anonymous

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indispensable to the smooth working of society at large. Take, for example, the etiquette of precedency, in force both in public and in private: on every public occasion, and in every private circle, precedency steps in to render assistance, and is as necessary in the smallest private circle as in the largest public gathering, because it assigns to every one his or her place as far as claim can be laid to place. Mistakes in the matter of precedency are not only committed by those who have enjoyed few social advantages, but by those also who have had everything in their favour. Young ladies, for instance, when married from the schoolroom, as it were, often make grave mistakes on the question of precedency, if they do not ignore it altogether.

      The etiquette of card leaving and that of paying calls are indisputably necessary and only the very ignorant would attempt to gainsay their utility; without these aids to order and method all intercourse between friends and acquaintances would be uncertain and chaotic; as it is there is little excuse when the right thing is not done, and any departure from the simple rules laid down on these heads, is the best possible proof of the standing, position, and associations of the one at fault.

      Any one point of etiquette if brought to the bar of common-sense would be pronounced reasonable, proper, and sensible; and there is strictly speaking no question of etiquette that cannot be thus judged and upon which a like verdict would not be given. There is no one rule of etiquette that can be described as absurd or ridiculous, arbitrary or tyrannical, and taken collectively the rules are but social obligations due from one person to another. Why should we not be a well-mannered people? Why should we not be refined, cultivated, and polished in our demeanour and bearing? Why should we not seek to charm if we can? Why should we not cultivate and encourage in ourselves consideration, thoughtfulness, and graciousness towards others in the smallest details of daily life?

       Table of Contents

       Table of Contents

      There are ceremonious introductions and unceremonious introductions, premeditated introductions and unpremeditated introductions; but, in all cases, introductions should never be indiscriminately made—that is to say, without a previous knowledge on the part of those making them as to whether the persons thus introduced will be likely to appreciate each other, or the reverse, or unless they have expressed a desire to become acquainted. For instance, a lady should not introduce two of her acquaintances residing in a country town or watering-place, moving in different circles, unless they have each expressed such a desire.

      An Undesired Introduction, if made, compels the one to whom it is the most unwelcome, to treat the other with marked coldness, or to continue an acquaintance that is distasteful.

      Should the slightest doubt exist as to how an introduction will be received—whether the meditated introduction is a spontaneous desire on the part of a lady or gentleman, or whether one person expressed a wish to make the acquaintance of another person and expressed that wish to a mutual friend—the received rule is to consult the wishes of both persons on the subject before making the introduction.

      When a Difference of Rank exists between two persons, it would be sufficient to ascertain the wishes of the person of highest rank alone.

      A person about to make an introduction, should say to the one lady, but not in the hearing of the other, "Mrs. A——, may I introduce Mrs. B—— to you?" or some such formula, according to the degree of intimacy existing between herself and Mrs. A. (See "The Art of Conversing.")

      When two ladies are of equal rank, the wishes of the person with whom the person making the introduction is least intimate should be consulted.

      In the case of one person having expressed a wish to make the acquaintance of another, there remains but the wishes of one person to ascertain.

      Acquiescence having been given, the introduction should be made.

      In making an introduction, the lady of lowest rank should be introduced to the lady of highest rank; in no case should the lady of highest rank be introduced to the lady of lowest rank. This point of etiquette should always be strictly observed.

      A Gentleman should always be introduced to a Lady, whatever his rank may be, without reference to her rank, whatever it may be. This rule is invariable, and is based upon the privilege of the sex—"place aux dames."

      It is not usual to ascertain a gentleman's wishes as to whether he will be introduced to a lady or not, although at a ball it is usual to do so when the introduction is made for a special object, viz., that of obtaining a partner for a lady; and as a gentleman may be either unable or unwilling to ask the lady to dance, it is incumbent to ascertain beforehand whether the introduction is desired or not, otherwise the introduction would be of no avail for the purpose, and prove a disappointment to the lady.

      "Would you like to be introduced to Miss A——?" or some such polite phrase (see "The Art of Conversing"), is the sort of formula by which to ascertain a gentleman's wishes as to an introduction in the ball-room; as ball-room introductions are understood to mean an intention on the part of a gentleman to ask a lady to dance or to take her in to supper.

      In general society, gentlemen are supposed to seek, rather than to avoid the acquaintance of ladies, irrespective of whatever sets in society to which they belong. It is immaterial to a gentleman in which set in society his acquaintances move, and he can be polite to all without offending any in their several circles.

      With regard to his own sex a gentleman is generally as exclusive as to the acquaintanceships which he forms, as is a lady with regard to the acquaintanceships which she forms. Reciprocity of taste is the basis on which acquaintanceships between men are established, subject, in a certain measure, to social position; though this rule is itself subject to wide exceptions.

      It is the rule for a gentleman to ask a mutual friend, or an acquaintance, for an introduction to a lady, and it is the received rule to do so when a gentleman desires to be introduced to any lady in particular; but gentlemen do not ask to be introduced to each other, unless some special reason exists for so doing—some reason that would commend itself to the person whose acquaintance was desired, as well as to the person making the introduction; otherwise, such a wish would appear to be either puerile or sycophantic, thus the request might meet with a refusal, and the proffered acquaintanceship be declined.

      When Introductions are made between Ladies, an unmarried lady should be introduced to a married lady, unless the unmarried lady is of a higher rank than the married lady, when the rule is reversed.

      The correct formula in use when making introductions is "Mrs. X——, Lady Z.," thus mentioning the name of the lady of lowest rank first, as she is the person introduced to the lady of highest rank, "Mrs. X——, Lady Z.," is all that need be said on the occasion by the person making the introduction. When the ladies are of equal rank it is immaterial which name is mentioned first; but there generally exists sufficient difference in the social position of the two ladies to give a slight distinction in favour of the one or of the other, which the person making the introduction should take into consideration.

      When the introduction has been made, the ladies should bow to each other, and either lady should make a slight remark.

      It is not usual for ladies on being first introduced to each other to shake hands, but only to bow; but there are very many exceptions to this rule.

      When one lady is of higher rank than the other, should she offer to shake hands, it would be a compliment and a mark of friendliness on her part.

      When a person introduces two intimate friends of his or hers to each other, they would be expected to shake hands, instead of bowing only.

      The relations of an engaged couple should, on being introduced, shake hands with both bride and bridegroom elect, as should the intimate friends of an

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