LITMIR.BIZ

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      Sir Sim. No, I'll spare your wine, if you will spare me Dapperwit's company; I came for that.

      Vin. You do us a double favour, to take him and leave the wine.

      Sir Sim. Come, come, Dapperwit.

      Ran. Do not go, unless he will suffer us to see his mistress too. [Aside to Dapperwit.

      Sir Sim. Come, come, man.

      Dap. Would you have me so uncivil as to leave my company?—they'll take it ill.

      Sir Sim. I cannot find her talk without thee.—Pray, gentlemen, persuade Mr. Dapperwit to go with me.

      Ran. We will not hinder him of better company.

      Dap. Yours is too good to be left rudely.

      Sir Sim. Nay, gentlemen, I would desire your company too, if you knew the lady.

      Dap. They know her as well as I; you say I know her not.

      Sir Sim. You are not everybody.

      Ran. Perhaps we do know the lady, Sir Simon.

      Sir Sim. You do not, you do not: none of you ever saw her in your lives;—but if you could be secret, and civil—

      Ran. We have drunk yet but our bottle a-piece.

      Sir Sim. But will you be civil, Mr. Vincent?

      Ran. He dares not look a woman in the face under three bottles.

      Sir Sim. Come along then. But can you be civil, gentlemen? will you be civil, gentlemen? pray be civil if you can, and you shall see her.

      [Exit, and returns with Lady Flippant and Mrs. Joyner.

      Dap. How, has he got his jilt here! [Aside.

      Ran. The widow Flippant! [Aside.

      Vin. Is this the woman that we never saw! [Aside.

      L. Flip. Does he bring us into company!—and Dapperwit one! Though I had married the fool, I thought to have reserved the wit as well as other ladies. [Aside.

      Sir Sim. Nay, look as long as you will, madam, you will find them civil gentlemen, and good company.

      L. Flip. I am not in doubt of their civility, but yours.

      Mrs. Joyn. You'll never leave snubbing your servants! Did you not promise to use him kindly? [Aside to Lady Flippant.

      L. Flip. [Aside to Mrs. Joyner.] 'Tis true.—[Aloud.] We wanted no good company, Sir Simon, as long as we had yours.

      Sir Sim. But they wanted good company, therefore I forced 'em to accept of yours.

      L. Flip. They will not think the company good they were forced into, certainly.

      Sir Sim. A pox! I must be using the words in fashion, though I never have any luck with 'em. Mrs. Joyner, help me off.

      Mrs. Joyn. I suppose, madam, he means the gentlemen wanted not inclination to your company, but confidence to desire so great an honour; therefore he forced 'em.

      Dap. What makes this bawd here? Sure, mistress, you bawds should be like the small cards, though at first you make up a pack, yet, when the play begins, you should be put out as useless.

      Mrs. Joyn. Well, well, gibing companion: you would have the pimps kept in only? you would so?

      Vin. What, they are quarrelling!

      Ran. Pimp and bawd agree now-a-days like doctor and apothecary.

      Sir Sim. Try, madam, if they are not civil gentlemen; talk with 'em, while I go lay the cloth—no waiter comes here.—[Aside.] My mother used to tell me, I should avoid all occasions of talking before my mistress, because silence is a sign of love as well as prudence. [Lays the cloth.

      L. Flip. Methinks you look a little yellow on't, Mr. Dapperwit. I hope you do not censure me because you find me passing away a night with this fool:—he is not a man to be jealous of, sure.

      Dap. You are not a lady to be jealous of, sure.

      L. Flip. No, certainly.—But why do you look as if you were jealous then?

      Dap. If I had met you in Whetstone's park,[30] with a drunken foot-soldier, I should not have been jealous of you.

      L. Flip. Fy, fy! now you are jealous, certainly; for people always, when they grow jealous, grow rude:—but I can pardon it since it proceeds from love certainly.

      Dap. I am out of all hopes to be rid of this eternal old acquaintance: when I jeer her, she thinks herself praised; now I call her whore in plain English she thinks I am jealous. [Aside.

      L. Flip. Sweet Mr. Dapperwit, be not so censorious, (I speak for your sake, not my own,) for jealousy is a great torment, but my honour cannot suffer certainly.

      Dap. No, certainly; but the greatest torment I have is—your love.

      L. Flip. Alas! sweet Mr. Dapperwit, indeed love is a torment: but 'tis a sweet torment; but jealousy is a bitter torment.—I do not go about to cure you of the torment of my love.

      Dap. 'Tis a sign so.

      L. Flip. Come, come, look up, man; is that a rival to contest with you?

      Dap. I will contest with no rival, not with my old rival your coachman; but they have heartily my resignation; and, to do you a favour, but myself a greater, I will help to tie the knot you are fumbling for now, betwixt your cully here and you.

      L. Flip. Go, go, I take that kind of jealousy worst of all, to suspect I would be debauched to beastly matrimony.—But who are those gentlemen, pray? are they men of fortunes, Mrs. Joyner?

      Mrs. Joyn. I believe so.

      L. Flip. Do you believe so, indeed?—Gentlemen—[Advancing towards Ranger and Vincent.

      Ran. If the civility we owe to ladies had not controlled our envy to Mr. Dapperwit, we had interrupted ere this your private conversation.

      L. Flip. Your interruption, sir, had been most civil and obliging;—for our discourse was of marriage.

      Ran. That is a subject, madam, as grateful as common.

      L. Flip. O fy, fy! are you of that opinion too? I cannot suffer any to talk of it in my company.

      Ran. Are you married then, madam?

      L. Flip. No, certainly.

      Ran. I am sure so much beauty cannot despair of it.

      L. Flip. Despair of it!—

      Ran. Only those that are married, or cannot be married, hate to hear of marriage.

      L. Flip. Yet you must know, sir, my aversion to marriage is such, that you, nor no man breathing, shall ever persuade me to it.

      Ran. Cursed be the man should do so rude a thing as to persuade you to anything against your inclination! I would not do it for the world, madam.

      L. Flip. Come, come, though you seem to be a civil gentleman, I think you no better than your neighbours. I do not know a man of you all that will not thrust a woman up into a corner, and then talk an hour to her impertinently of marriage.

      Ran. You would find me another man in a corner, I assure you, madam; for you should not have a word of marriage from me, whatsoever you might find in my actions of it; I hate talking as much as you.

      L.

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