Not pregnant yet? You bet! - Rimma Efimkina

Скачать книгу

respect towards you for saying this.

      “Receive the package earlier”: commentary

      Oxana walks into a room escorted by police,

      Un-plugged detector shows her conscience is in grease.

Internet meme by Karim-Abdul

      At first glance, Kseniya’s question about conceiving, bearing a child and giving birth has nothing to do with the session she had. But this only seems so. The inability to become a mother shows that a woman has a problem in her relationships. In Kseniya’s case there were several problems, and during her session we solved them all one by one.

      Firstly, from the very beginning it was clear that she is pressured by her husband, who, in his turn, was the prisoner of his mother’s influence. In Kseniya’s first dream such treatment on the young couple was metaphorically shown like two chimpanzees – male and female – being used to entertain tourists.

      Then the story that haunted Kseniya for ten years came up. It was her first love that ended in her being used by her lover and his wife. One can only feel sympathy towards a seventeen year old girl who practically still was a child and who was involved in this ambiguous situation where she gained no support.

      The third conflict the girl had was with her father. A man of loose morals, he had double standards: a woman cannot do what a man can. Her husband behaved the same way – he couldn’t even stand the thought that Kseniya had been involved with another man before marriage.

      It is worth noting that all the three “deceptions” come from men in Kseniya’s life: her father, her first man, her husband. And it is the father who set the primary pattern for all the following misrepresentations.

      All these misinterpretations in the mind of the client were revealed during the session and this allowed Kseniya to change the way she saw herself. The message of her second dream, where a post-officer tells her she could have received this package earlier if she hadn’t been lied to, also became clear. If receiving a package means having a baby, then, yes, it could have happened earlier, if it weren’t for the “deception”. Now that the deception is revealed, there is hope that the next pregnancy will make Kseniya a happy mother.

      “Rice on the inside of a pot”

      My destiny forced me down the wrong path again. I’m looking forward to the journey. I like traveling.

Internet meme

      Here is yet another story of infertility with the bright metaphor for codependent relationships with one’s father. Nastya is my student, she is thirty. She heard during one of my lectures that some incurable diseases could be treated by psychosomatic therapy and decided to give a try to this method. I invited her to my psychosomatic group, but she refused, as it was hard for her to share the intimate details of her family life with strangers.

      I agreed to work individually. I don’t think it’s a good idea, as healing the soul in solitude encourages isolation. I often witness how members of a group share their stories about similar problems and are relieved when they hear they are not alone. Nevertheless, after sharing their problem with one person (therapist) some women agree to go to the group.

      Nastya said nervously:

      – I have been married for two years and I cannot get pregnant. I have a rare condition – polycystic ovaries.

      – It will be more clear for me if you tell about the disease in your own words. Polycystic ovaries – how is that?

      Although, I do have medical training (when I was in Teacher-Training Institute, I studied medicine, was an intern at several hospitals, passed exams and got a nurses certificate, as it was required by law back then). However, I prefer listening to my clients when they describe their disease. I guess, the medic in me was beaten by philologist, I can diagnose a person’s strategies in relationships with other people by what he/she is saying. So I was prepared to listed to Nastya:

      – Polycystic ovaries prevent the eggs from maturing. They stay in the ovaries and grow into the walls. It’s like when you cook rice and it burns and sticks to the inside of the pot and you can’t tear it away.

      – Let’s go on with this metaphor. I have Tefal pot, nothing sticks to the inside. What do you do with your pot?

      – I pour some water in, the rice becomes soft and it’s easier to get it out.

      – How does this remind you of your life? Who are you so “stuck” with that it is necessary “soak” to become “soft”.

      – My father, I guess. But its him who is stuck with me and won’t get away.

      – Tell me more about your relationships.

      – My mother and he have been separated for a long time, and I’m his favorite daughter. He drinks, I feel pity for him, I either visit him or call him every day, I cannot do this anymore, I have a job, I have my own family…

      – What will happen if you stop visiting him and get down to your own business?

      – In this case he comes to the firm I work for and sits in the hall until I come out. I’m ashamed of him for doing this, and I’m mad at him.

      – Here is a chair. Imagine your father sits on it and tell him these words.

      – I can’t tell him!

      – Start with these very words: “I can’t tell you….”

      Nastya gathers her strength, looks at the chair imagining her father and says agitated:

      – I can’t tell you that I’m ashamed of you, because you are my father and I feel pity for you…

      – You are crying. What is going on with you?

      – What do I do? I’m desperate… Should I live with him all my life?

      – Tell this to your father?

      – Father, I’m desperate! I’m thirty, I want to have kids, I want to live my own life with my husband. I can’t be your nurse, I have my own life! I can’t give you so much of my time…

      – What would he answer to these words? Sit on his chair and listen to yourself.

      Nastay sits on the other chair, putting on the role of her father and answers:

      – You are right. I feel awkward for using you like this. But I have nothing else in my life… I drink, I missed out on my own family. I don’t know what i live for, I wish God took me…

      – Sit on your own chair, be Nastya again. What do you feel when you hear these words from your father? Tell him.

      – I feel so much pity for you! I will do anything to make you feel good!

      – Do you see now how strongly the metaphor of pot and rice reminds of your relationships with your father?

      – So what do I do?

      – I have already asked you what you did when the rice burns and sticks to the pot. You said you needed to soften it and it will go away. Now I see that you have softened, you heard your father’s feelings and you feel pity for him. Now it’s time to go away.

      – How?

      – I don’t know. It’s your life, you are the one to change it if it doesn’t suit you.

      – Of course, it doesn’t suit me.

      – Change

Скачать книгу