LITMIR.BIZ

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I had been sure that when I came home I’d never want to leave again. But instead it just felt like exactly what it was: a week back at my house, before I’d return to my new life. Back to my roommate. Back to my routine. Back to my … well … back to Max.

      I watched the movie, before finally falling asleep with my arm around Jasper.

       New Year’s Eve

      “Another glass?” My dad, as flushed in the cheeks as I was, handed me a glass of champagne.

      “Sure!” I took it, and had a bubbly sip.

      Our house was buzzing. Every year, my parents invited over their oldest friends, Rick and Sarah, with their dalmatian, Pongo, a few of my friends, and my aunt Tammy and her husband, George. This year Lily got to have a friend sleep over, so the two of them were running rampant through the house with Pongo and Jasper. Everyone in charge of them was too tipsy to do anything but make sure they didn’t topple down any stairs or anything.

      Leah was paying me a little more attention this time, probably since Emma was here. Emma kept smacking her on the arm and holding out a finger to reprimand her every time she and Michael got too intimate. I asked her if this was something that happened often. Emma rolled her eyes and mouthed, Oh, my God, yes.

      Then we’d laughed, and I was glad to find that I wasn’t the only one who thought Leah was being annoying.

      I finally felt at home. I felt warmly toward everyone who walked in the door and everything was ten times funnier. I was really at home again, and happy to be there. I’d gotten over everything I’d felt on Christmas Eve.

      Just in time to leave.

      “Come take a picture!” Leah pulled on my arm. “We’ve been calling you!”

      “Okay, I’m coming!” I laughed.

      My mom ushered us over. She was wearing black leggings and a cowl-neck sweater. She had on the pearl earrings my dad had given her for Christmas. Dad had also gotten her a brand-new camera, and she’d been shutter-happy ever since she got it. On Christmas morning, she’d photographed every present being opened, and every reaction—slowing down the process considerably. Though hers when she’d actually opened the camera had been the one really worth recording. Up until then, she’d been using a camera that still took double As and made every picture so pixilated it looked like a mosaic.

      She’d used her new camera to document almost everything. I even walked past her room and spotted a weary-looking Jasper sitting on the couch in my parents’ room with a Santa hat on, and my mother—wielding the camera—saying, “Assieds-tu! Stay … sta—stay, Jasper!”

      “Get together, ladies!” she said now, throwing her head back and standing an unfamiliar-with-newfangled-camera distance away from the screen. “Okay, one, two …”

      Jasper jumped up and barked, as if he wanted to be in another picture. The flash caught us reacting down at the dog, and the next picture was of us laughing about it. I couldn’t remember the last time I’d felt like this. I was surrounded by people who used my name, who liked me, and who never compared me to Becca Normandy.

      “You, too, Barbara,” my dad said, taking the camera from her.

      “Oh, I can’t, I’ll look even older next to these,” she said, gesturing at Emma, Leah and me, “beautiful, young, faces!”

      “You look gorgeous,” Leah said, putting an arm around her and pulling her in for the picture.

      My dad smiled. “One, two, three, say New Year’s Eve!”

      “New Year’s Eve!” we all said together.

      “Me, too!” Lily said, and then stood in front of us, hands on her hips.

      It carried on like this for most of the night, everyone taking turns with the new camera. At some point during the evening, Lily and her friend had paraded in Jasper and Pongo. The dogs were wearing some of Lily’s princess dresses from her dress-up trunk, panting wildly and obliviously.

      A game of charades was attempted, but could not be taken seriously by anyone, and no one seemed to notice or mind. When it came time for the ball to drop, we all counted down from ten together, and had the ceremonial hugs and kisses to celebrate midnight.

      Michael and Leah kissed well into the New Year. Emma and I squeezed each other and gave a quick peck before blowing into and rattling our noisemakers.

      A few minutes later, I was coming out of the bathroom in the upstairs hallway and I ran into Michael.

      “God, Michael, don’t just lurk around like that. It’s creepy.”

      He shrugged. “How are you doing up at Manderley?”

      I straightened up, surprised at what seemed to be a genuine interest in my life. “Um … pretty good. It’s hard being new. But I expected that.”

      “Yeah, but you’re probably popular.”

      I scoffed and wavered a little in my heels. “Oh, yeah? Is that what you see when you see me? Popularity material?”

      He looked me up and down and then pushed himself off the wall he’d been leaning on. “You’re hot as shit. That usually does it for girls.”

      It was dark, so I couldn’t totally see his face, but he didn’t sound like he was kidding.

      “Ha,” I said anyway, “right, well. Yeah, thanks, Michael.”

      I started to walk down the hallway, but he grabbed me by the elbow. I tried to shake him off.

      “Please don’t make this weird, Mike.”

      He pulled me toward him and kissed me. I pushed him back, pulling my mouth away and finally stomping on his foot with my heel.

      “What the hell is your problem?” he asked.

      “My problem? You’re kidding me!”

      I stormed off, and down the steps. I walked up to Leah. “I need to talk to you.”

      “Why’s your lipstick so smeared?” She looked over my shoulder. I followed her eye line to see Michael limping and pink in the face. Not just from blushing, but from my lipstick.

      “I need to talk to you,” I repeated. But she didn’t look like she was going to listen. She was angry and ready to yell.

      “Leah, calm down, you don’t know—” Emma tried to reach for her, but Leah shrugged out of her grip.

      “Please—” I started, but she put a hand in my face.

      “Do not,” she said, “talk to me.”

      I swatted at her hand. “Are you joking? You really think—are you fucking kidding me?”

      She stormed out of the house, Michael on her heels. I followed them both.

      “Leah!” I shouted. “You cannot seriously think what you seem to be thinking.”

      “I don’t know what to expect from you anymore!” She cracked her knuckles like she did when she was nervous. “You know, Michael said you always seemed to want him, but I thought that couldn’t possibly be true. Yeah, you always seemed to like him, but I didn’t think you’d ever try anything. Frankly, I didn’t think you’d have the guts.”

      “If by that you mean that I can’t even stomach the thought of it, then no, I do not have the guts.”

      “Whatever, it just figures that you’d do it and immediately come to talk to me about it. You are such a coward.”

      I was baffled. I shook my head in disbelief. “What exactly are you criticizing me for? The fact that you think your best friend betrayed you, the fact that I’m too big a wimp to do that or the fact that I’m a little bitch

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