LITMIR.BIZ

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still feel Blake’s eyes on her.

      “Ladies first.” Johnny handed her a ball.

      She tossed it at the triangle of red Solo cups. It bounced off a rim and into the water. She’d played enough that she should be good.

      Out of the corner of her eye, she saw Blake shake her head and interrupt Cam and Max’s conversation. Becca wished she could hear it.

      Johnny took his shot, and made it, too. “Ha! That’s both, we go again.”

      Blake finished what she was telling Max, and he looked at her.

      “It’s your shot, babe.”

      Becca took the ball. Max walked toward her.

      “Let me talk to you for a second,” he said, walking right past Becca, and out the door.

      She rolled her eyes. “Here—um, Susan, come play for me.”

      The next second, she was out the door.

      Max jumped in, without preamble. “Do you have a thing with Johnny?”

      She stood, feeling shocked. No words came to her.

      “Just fucking tell me, Becca. I do not have any patience right now for this.”

      “Wow, you are so untrusting it’s unbelievable.”

      “If you are? If you’ve been hooking up with my best friend all along, I just need to know.”

      She smiled. “Let me guess, Blake told you that?”

      His expression told her she was right.

      “Okay, well, you know what? That’s because Cam has been coming on to me since day one.” She held up a finger.

      “Oh, shut up, that’s not true.”

      “I don’t care if you believe me. It’s just the explanation. If you want to feel like your best friend and I have been lying to you, then fine. Makes no difference to me.”

      And she went back inside. Max never followed. She marched up to Dana. She wanted to be around someone she knew liked her.

      An hour later, Becca was buckled over with her hand on her knees. She could see her breath in the air. “That was so … funny!”

      Dana was laughing, too. “Not that funny, just.” She fell into giggles.

      They walked down to the dock. “If you fall,” said Becca, “I’m going to freak out. I can’t swim, and so I can’t save you.”

      Dana waved her hand. “I’ll be fine.” But then she stumbled, almost doing exactly what they were afraid of. Becca caught her by the shoulder.

      “Oh, my God, see? You almost died!”

      They got to the end, still laughing, and sat to dangle their feet over the edge.

      “I’m … so drunk.” Dana took a swig of Coke.

      “I’m not drunk enough,” Becca responded with a sip of her bottle, which was filled with rum. “I can tell because I’m cold.”

      They laughed, and then fell silent.

      “So,” said Becca, “tell me a secret.” She loved saying this to people. They almost always had something to tell her.

      Dana squinted out into the darkness, her face lit only by the safety lights at the end of the dock. She sighed and closed her eyes. “I’m in love with Johnny Parker.”

      Becca froze, her smile falling, and then took a burning gulp of the rum. “Really.”

      Dana nodded, swaying a little in her drunken dizziness. “He’s … strong and … I don’t know, I guess I feel safe around him.” She laughed and looked down at her knees. “It’s probably stupid.”

      “N-no, it’s not.” It wasn’t stupid at all. Becca had thought the same thing.

      “I haven’t really ever … liked a guy like I like him. I’ve … It’s been since I got here. Ninth grade. That’s when I first had a crush on him.” She looked to Becca. “And you know, I don’t think I ever would have really talked to him if it wasn’t for you. You kept throwing us together. It wasn’t on purpose?”

      “No.”

      She nodded. “I thought it was just psychic of—” she hiccupped “—of you.”

      “Nope. Luck.”

      “I couldn’t even believe he knew my name or anything. But he did.” She shook her head, and furrowed her brows at a spot off in the distance. “Can I trust you, Becca?”

      She’d been asked that before. She couldn’t say for sure that she was trustworthy. She’d only ever been out for herself. Even when that messed up everything.

      But she wanted to be better than that. She had to be. If she wasn’t, if she didn’t try to change in some way, then what was the point in running away and coming here at all?

      Woo, thought Becca, this rum is working now.

      “Of course you can trust me.”

      Dana took a few deep breaths and then took the bottle from Becca’s hands. She took another swig and then said, “I’ve never told anyone this.”

      “Okay.”

      “I … When I was in eighth grade, something happened. It’s why—it’s why I’m here at all. I didn’t tell my parents the extent of it. Just said I didn’t want to be in my town anymore. They’d always wanted me to come here anyway, so they didn’t have a problem with it.” She took another deep breath. “I was actually very popular back at home. I was the girl with the squad of girlfriends and boys being all about me. Yeah, we were all like thirteen, but whatever. I was voted Most Likely to be Prom Queen.”

      Becca listened intently. “Wow, that’s.”

      “Yeah, so … I was popular or whatever. I was happy.”

      “I’m trying to figure out how this has a bad ending.” Becca laughed, even though she knew it was headed somewhere not funny at all.

      “I was at my friend Hannah’s for a sleepover one night. She was asleep. We’d hung out with her parents and their family friend, Tom, who was like … I don’t know, late twenties maybe. It was one of the first times I ever got drunk.” She held up the bottle. “And I had a little too much. Everyone was drinking, and everyone was having fun before bed. It was a good night. I got pretty dizzy and then fell asleep. Um. When I woke up, I was in the guest bedroom, which was barely lit, and Tom was on … top of me. It took me a few seconds to realize what was happening, but … then I realized I was naked. I tried to push him off, but he wouldn’t stop. Then he put it in, or whatever. And it was … I don’t know that anything has ever hurt so badly.”

      Becca’s heart was pounding. She was in shock.

      Dana continued. “Finally he was done, and all I could do was go back into Hannah’s room and try to sleep. I woke up the next morning and he was in bed with us, with his hand on my leg.” She shook her head and chewed the inside of her lip. “The insult on top of injury was that Hannah had been all casual like, ‘Did you guys hook up?’“

      “Jesus.”

      “Yeah. So then she told everyone I’d had sex with this older guy, and I couldn’t bring myself to tell anyone the truth. I felt embarrassed or something. Which is so stupid, because it wasn’t my fault. But I just couldn’t. And then time passed and there wouldn’t be any way to prove it anyway. So I just gave up.”

      Becca’s breath was caught in her throat.

      “I’m so sorry.” It came out as a whisper.

      Becca didn’t even know if it was just Dana she was talking to.

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