LITMIR.BIZ

Скачать книгу

Sun

      A man who broke a tooth filling telephoned the NHS Dentaline, in Medway, Kent, and was told he was not in enough pain to justify an out-of-hours consultation. Use Blu-tack as a temporary filling, they said. A spokesman explained later: ‘Chewing gum is also acceptable as a temporary filling.’

       Daily Mail

       ‘We have black cabinet ministers, judges and doctors, but apparently only false limbs for white people.’ Black woman Ingrid Nicholls who was offered a white artificial leg because black ones were not available on the NHS,

       The Times

      Warning on an over-the-counter medicine: ‘Do not take this medicine if you suffer from kidney disease or have difficulty urinating unless advised to do so by your doctor.’

      Keith Griffiths, Wakefield, West Yorkshire, Daily Mail

       A Times reader suffering from slight tendonitis of the upper arm reports that the leaflet accompanying his prescription painkillers warns that possible side-effects might include: ‘Blood disorders, bronchospasms, chest pain, congestive heart failure, constipation, diarrhoea, dizziness, double vision, drowsiness, faintness, fits, fluid retention, giddiness, hair loss, headaches, hearing loss, heartburn, hepatitis, hypertension, hypotension, impotence, inflammation of the colon, inflammation of the pancreas, inflammation of the tongue, jaundice, loss of appetite, loss of memory, loss of weight, mood changes, mouth ulcers, nightmares, palpitations, pneumonitis, skin rashes, sleeplessness, stiff neck, stomach ulcers, swollen ankles, tinnitus, vasculitis and vertigo.’

       Still, writes Bob Papworth, of Berkshire, my arm should get better.

       The Times

      Readers’ letters in The Times told of worrying warnings of possible side-effects that came with their medicines.

      One – on quinine sulphur tablets for night cramp – ‘concludes with the somewhat alarming possibilities of “kidney damage, changes to blood cells, low blood pressure, coma and death”.’

      Another, prescribed for a persistent sore throat and cough, lists possible side-effects that include: ‘a mild sore throat, coughing and hoarseness.’ The reader writes that her condition did not improve ‘and I am at a loss to know whether the prescription is not working or I am now suffering the side-effects’.

       A nurse celebrated New Year’s Day 2004 locked in a lavatory at a nursing home near Bury St Edmunds, Suffolk. Friends passed a straw through the keyhole of the lavatory door to allow her to celebrate with a drink as the chimes of midnight struck. Then firemen arrived to rescue her.

       Western Morning News

      When Dorothy Fletcher from Liverpool had a heart attack while flying to America for her daughter’s wedding a stewardess asked: ‘Is there a doctor on board?’ Fifteen overhead lights went on – because the flight was full of cardiologists on their way to a conference. ‘They saved my life,’ said Mrs Fletcher. After three days convalescing she was up and about in time for the wedding.

       Daily Mirror

       Gardening is the ultimate danger sport. One in five of all accidents occur in or around the garden. In 2002, 62,500 adults needed hospital treatment following a gardening mishap. The Prince of Wales needed a hernia operation after injuring himself at Highgrove.

       Daily Telegraph

      On Christmas Day, a Hampshire GP got a call from a patient: ‘I’m on antibiotics. Can I wash my hair?’

      This was among a collection of witless out-of-hours calls collected by Pulse magazine. Others included:

       ‘Can the dog be treated on the NHS?’

       ‘I’m doing a crossword. How do you spell eczema?’

       ‘How many calories are there in prawns?’ Independent on Sunday

       When a patient in a specialist ward in Wakefield, Yorkshire, fell ill with a chest infection, nurses had to dial 999 for an ambulance to take him to the Accident and Emergency Ward – 150 yards away. Routine procedure made it necessary to get the 80-year-old readmitted as a new patient. A hospital spokeswoman said: ‘I accept it must seem quite odd, but the doctors in A&E are trained to find out what’s wrong. We apologise.’

       Sun

      A 19-year-old asylum seeker facing deportation was granted a reprieve after claiming that he will fall victim to a witch doctor’s spell if returned to Africa.

       Daily Mail

       A faith healer targeted his powers on a deaf woman during a ‘miracle healing crusade’ at Brampton Speke, Devon. Afterwards he had to shout at her repeatedly to ask if she could hear better.

       Exeter Express and Echo

      Twenty-six-year-old Becky Nyang from Reading almost died when lightning hit metal studs in her mouth. She reported getting blisters on her feet where the lightning bolt exited.

       Daily Mail

       When old soldier Bill Edwards sent his artificial leg to the repairers … the Post Office lost it. A search through undelivered parcels unearthed two false legs. Neither of them were Bill’s.

       Sunday Express

      A Scarborough schoolteacher went to hospital for treatment after being hit by a boot thrown by a pupil during a welly-throwing contest.

       Yorkshire Evening Post

       When I saw a man collapse in the street I stopped my car and ran to give him cardio-pulmonary resuscitation. A traffic warden approached and I asked him to call an ambulance – but he said that wasn’t his job and gave me a ticket.

       Debra Selinger W1, London, Daily Mail

      An Essex hospital put both the arms of a two-year-old boy in plaster – because they forgot which one he had broken.

       News of the World

       DIY is deadly dangerous. Every year there are around 70 deaths and 250,000 serious accidents involving DIY, reports a survey. And one in ten of us has to spend over £1,000 rectifying bodged efforts.

      One man dislodged guttering when retrieving his son’s kite. He climbed a ladder to fix the guttering. While he was up there the family budgie escaped through a bedroom window and distracted the DIY enthusiast. He ended up as part of the hapless 250,000.

       The Times

       Chapter 3

       Politics: Order, Order

      Meet Miranda, Lionel and Smiling Boy – your Prime

       Minister. Or is he just a cult?

      When Peter Mandelson asked Gordon Brown for 10p to phone a friend, the Chancellor replied: ‘Here’s 20p – phone all of them.’

       The Times

       Peter Rushton, of Hyde, Cheshire, recalled

Скачать книгу