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Lost. Amber Plum
Читать онлайн.Название Lost
Год выпуска 0
isbn 9781607466086
Автор произведения Amber Plum
Жанр Учебная литература
Издательство Ingram
I caught him off guard and for some reason I found myself laughing hysterically.I was way more twisted than I gave myself credit for. Ross bit at his lip and looked uneasy. He leaned close to me and whispered “suspended.” He pursed his lips and raised his eyebrow. It reminded me of a little kid telling someone a big secret. I laughed again. Ross was shaking his head at me and rolling his eyes.
“Sorry, really it’s not that, it’s just, your face.” I kept laughing. “You don’t get it, your cute ok. Plus I rarely laugh so this is a good thing” I pointed to myself as I said the last part. It felt like forever since I laughed like that, it felt good.
Ross’s cocky grin shined so brightly. His eyes sparkled and the boyish beauty he had in that moment gave me hope of being able to like him. It made me think of Brice. How he betrayed me. If I really let myself like Ross or even Linden for that matter there was no guarantee. Could I really put my heart out there again? I withdrew my laughter and my smile. My mood changed instantly and my face went straight.
“What is the deal with you Selene?”I could tell Ross was trying to make sense of me but the truth was he never could.
“Nothing” I looked away and buried my pain. Brice never even got me, he just accepted me. Acceptance didn’t really pull me out of my loneliness. It only helped me lie to myself. If only Ross could lie to me. If only he could tell me he would be the one to understand me, and knew me deeply. I wanted to escape into that pretend world that I created in my mind. Nothing would be real in that fantasy but I would be happy. Ross could tell me it would be alright and I would believe him. I let out a large sigh. Ross was still studying me as I was trapped in my thoughts. “Just leave me alone, okay?”
His eyes narrowed but not a full glare and his lips lightly pursed together. “I can’t do that.” His words lingered as he held an intense stare.I felt like he was trying to intimidate me. The bus stopped and I heard the doors opening. Ross’s face tensed up and I could see his jaws tense too. He sucked in a deep breath and stood up still locked on me and our stare. All the other kids were spilling out of the bus but Ross paid them no mind. His lips rose to a small yet sexy smile. “You are beautiful and stubborn.” He winked and then walked down the aisle and off the bus.
There was one thing I knew for sure, this guy was trouble. I could smell the danger on him yet I knew he could love me. That last smile struck a chord in me and I found him enticing. Losing my virginity wasn’t helping me either. My hormones seemed to be even more out of whack. As much as I would love to say I would do the right thing next time, I sadly knew the love sex made me feel. I was ashamed of my weakness and feared what would happen if I had a boyfriend again.
Brice changed me. I could never take back what I had done with him and what it had meant to me at the time. I loved that moment with him; the intimacy that we shared made me feel complete and loved, even if it was a lie. I hated that I could not turn off the desire to have that again. I also knew what I was; an object to men. I feared that I would never be anything more. The guys who wanted me wanted one thing above all other things. I felt I was no better than them at this point but I wanted to do right by God. This is where things became complicated for me.
I could easily become weak and driven to sin in a relationship. But without fulfillment during the day I would eventually become weak during the night making things more complicated with Abaddon. So which was worse? Giving into sin or giving into evil. I was not even sure what separated the two?
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