Lost - Amber Plum

Скачать книгу

twinkled at her and invited her in and she accepted his hand. The music instantly changed at their touch.

      They began to dance the Tango. He executed it with great skill as she kept pace to his lead. It should have been the most amazing and seductive dance she had ever danced. But no matter how perfect he was, she could feel the evil penetrate her through his touch. It was hard to ignore how beautiful this man was but the way he made her feel turned her away from his perfection.

      She felt as if there were spiders crawling in her hair, and tiny maggots crackling like pop rocks under her flesh. When she looked down at her arm it looked the same as it always had. She felt like there were fire ants in her throat and parasitic worms in her stomach. He made her sick and he disgusted her more than she knew to be disgusted.

      She managed to keep her composure through their dance but at the end he kissed her hand as many gentlemen may do. She threw up in her mouth as he placed one more kiss on her cheek causing her to projectile vomit off to the side. In an evil voice he said “Be kind little Bitzy, be kind.” He glared at her and she shook her head at him. “I don’t know who you are, but I know I do not want to be near you.”

      He stepped a step back from her, and she grew fonder of him. His scent took over the feeling he gave her and his charming appearance erased the disgust she had just seconds ago. It made no sense at all. She knew that she loved him and feared him equally the same. “I am the man you dream for Bitzy, the man who will love you. Stick with me, my prize, and you will want for nothing.”

      “I already have all that I want,” she said it with confidence and he nodded with a devilish grin. He swiped his arm from left to right at the scene and it changed to darkness. He left her and his scent had gone too. That is when she awoke.

      We compared the difference between who Abaddon was to us. I understood that Bitzy did not have the gift I had, to see him for what he was. He could fool her with his charms, but she could feel his evil. He made her physically sick at his touch. A gift I did not have. We talked about all the things that enticed us about him. It was amazing that the very thing he could not hide from me was the thing that drew her into him. It was the same for her. She could not even fathom his beastly appearance next to the beauty she saw.

      We had talked about Abaddon for what seemed like a long time. This is what he wanted. I felt it in me. I felt wrong to carry on about my lust for him. I stopped Bitzy as she went on about how beautiful his eyes were. “We need to remember he is evil Bitzy, it is wrong to want him.” She nodded and looked ashamed of herself too. “Let’s get ready and head over to my house.” We still had to celebrate my birthday with my mom, Tom, Dustin and Destiny.

      We got up and I walked to the upstairs bathroom to brush my teeth with my finger. I really need to leave a toothbrush in my purse for impromptu sleepovers. When I walked in, Linden was standing at the sink in just his pajama pants. Shikes he’s so hot! His skin was tight around his muscles and his muscles, well they were great! Crap this is so wrong. I went to turn around and head back out to Bitzy’s room.

      “It’s ok Selene, I don’t bite.” I looked back at him and he gave me one of those debonair smiles that made me melt. No! I do not need this right now. “It’s ok I can wait,” I was walking away and felt Linden grab the back of my shoulder. My heart skipped a beat and I wanted to be near him. “I am family remember, I promise I won’t try anything.” I wasn’t worried about him as much as my attraction to him.

      I didn’t want to be so attracted to him. Not Linden. It just isn’t right, okay, he is my brother, I have to keep telling myself that. Family. Bleh he can’t be my brother, this is not going to work. Ok, chill. I turned back around and ignored his perfect bare chest and beautiful smile. I grabbed for the toothpaste and did my thing. We both finished awkwardly and walked out to different rooms.

      I shut Bitzy’s door and leaned my back up against it and banged my head back. I took in a deep breath. Man, Linden is F.I.N.E. fine, but all wrong. There were not many hot older guys waiting for me to just say yes, but I know now more than ever, I never can. It was a shame too. I trust him and feel safe around him, which added to my attraction to him. He is like the good, bad boy. You just don’t find many of those. I made an oath to myself, as Bitzy’s friend, to never cross that line. Bitzy has told me before she wouldn’t mind, but we both know it would interfere with our friendship. She is all I really have so I will not risk it for anything.

      Zwei

      Bitzy and I went to my mom and Tom’s and did the big celebration of my sixteenth birthday. It actually was really nice. Tom got me a mechanic special and fixed it up. It was a navy blue Buick. I could look past the fact that it was big and boat-like because it was mine. The next step would be getting my driver’s license. They had a big bow on top of it. They hid the car out behind the house. Everyone said “surprise!” when they took me out back.

      My mom had made my favorite banana cream pie with candles in it. Dustin and Destiny colored me a handcrafted card. I was glad to be back home and with my family. As much as D and D can drive me crazy they were part of me and I liked knowing they were there. Bitzy felt a part of it all too. She was family now. She joined in with them when they sang the treacherous birthday song completely out of key. It felt almost normal until I missed one voice. That one voice made all the difference in the world to me and it would never sing out of key again.

      I missed Levi so much. The void in my life would never fill because of that pain. What God put in my heart was just not enough to drown it out. It chimed with every heart beat of mine. It was painful and unfair. I realized that Levi would never come back. I even missed him in my dreams. He was no longer dying each night in different ways. Abaddon took that from me too. Why couldn’t this all just end? I was so tired. I just wanted Levi here, I wanted things back to how they used to be.

      I zombied out to the rest of my celebration, it was all I had left in me. I smiled when I was to smile and I ate when I was supposed to eat. That little bit of warmth God placed in my heart seemed so hard to locate. I didn’t deny that it was there, I just couldn’t feel it. I only feel the emptiness. I only saw my soul in my mind, in the glass room; still unable to break free.

      When the day had ended, I was happy to be alone. Bitzy went home and I lay in my bed. I yearned to feel just a bit of peace before I slept, before I had to see my most hated love. I did all I could think to do, I prayed……..Lord, it’s me Selene. Of course you know who it is. Sorry. Umm, well. I don’t really know what to say… (I began to cry)…I am scared Lord. I am nothing and useless. I am weak, I am broken and I have no idea what I am doing……. I trust you but I don’t get it. I don’t like it and I am not too happy about all this…. Lord, it is just so hard. I don’t know why you are making me do this… Who am I but an invisible girl…? Who would ever listen to me? I have never been popular, I have never been too good at the whole friend thing, and boys just hurt me… Why can’t I have that one thing Lord? Give me love, with all that I will have to do to become this prophet. Don’t I at least deserve love? Why do I always have to be so alone? I hate being alone yet it is all I know. Where are MY blessings Lord. I hear about all these people who talk about being blessed. I see crooks get all the fortune, yet here I stand alone with everything I desire most, stripped away. You tell me I matter and that I am important, but I sure don’t feel that way! Why God? Why must I suffer, if you love me so much why won’t you make it stop? I know not to curse you so I won’t and I cannot deny you so I won’t do that either, but know I am mad Lord. I am hurt and heartbroken. There is not a whole lot left of my heart. I need to have love Lord, you should understand. I need it to heal, I need it to breathe. Please, I beg of you to just give me that one thing. Give me a guy to love me. I need someone (I sobbed into my pillow).

      Oh also Lord, please be with Bitzy, don’t let Abaddon hurt her like he did me. I am already broken, Abaddon messing with me is painful but I am already here in the darkness. Poor Bitzy is a delightful ray of sunshine, don’t let that be destroyed. Ok Lord, I love you… Amen….. I continued to sob until I fell asleep.

      *

      I was at Northpoint High, home of the Bullfrogs. Everyone was standing in the commons area and I was in the corner crying.

Скачать книгу