LITMIR.BIZ

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Twain aptly put it this way: “The two most important days of your life are the day you are born and the day you find out why.” Knowing your mission has two components: the specific and the general. An elderly lady I knew, Thelma Clark, was well regarded at the church I attended. She had gone through a lot growing up as an African-American in the segregated South and would share her wisdom with those in need. One young man called and confided nearly in tears that he had just lost his job. Thelma’s reply stayed with me and I am sure with that young man. “What do you mean you lost your job?” she retorted. “Your only job is to grow.”

       The Use of Self and Self-awareness

      We all have a self that we can’t help but use no matter what role we take on in the workplace. The question to ask yourself is this: “How skillfully am I using my ‘self’?” The parts of us that limit our effectiveness are usually hidden from us. It’s those aspects of our own self we don’t know about or deny in some way that are most likely to trip us up. We tend to see ourselves as we would like to be. The phenomenon of favorable self-deception is called the self-serving bias or the Lake Woebegone effect, in that all the children are considered above average.

      Skillful leaders are self-aware. They learn from their experiences. They know that denial or overconfidence blocks the ability to learn. Self-awareness comes from self-observation. The quiet, nonverbal part of the mind is the home of your inner observer. This is where you let go of ideologies and preconceptions about what should be. From this quiet place you can see “what is” and respond intelligently. Meditation strengthens this inner observer that silently notices what is going on with the rest of you. Instead of mindlessly acting and reacting, self-observation enables you to stop, reflect, and choose the optimal way forward. Be your own detective. Notice patterns or overreactions you typically have with others. Give each of those patterns or reactions a name. Explore the underlying causes. Working with them in this manner will free you from their grip. As you learn how to gain insights to foster your own transformation, you will be better able to help others do the same. The verbal thinking mind fills up the space between the ears with chatter about the past or the future. Creativity starts when you break this endless inner loop of recycled, often negative, thoughts. The science fiction writer Ray Bradbury gave similar advice. “Don’t think. Thinking is the enemy of creativity. It’s self-conscious and anything self-conscious is lousy.”

      One way to strengthen the inner observer is through the simple activity of walking. Whenever you go for a walk outdoors, even if it is only for a city block or two, ask your verbal mind to take a short break. Notice your surroundings with just your nonverbal mind. When your verbal mind interjects, usually with recycled chatter about the past or the future, come back to the quiet now of the nonverbal mind. This practice frees up your brainpower to respond intelligently to the present moment. If this brainpower, like the RAM of a computer, is mostly busy rehashing the past or worrying about the future, it will lack the resources to focus effectively on what life offers in the now.

       More Use of Self

      The systemic use of self requires that you put some inner space between you, the observer, and you, the doer. Observing the group as a leader or a facilitator is part of your job. Getting yourself out of the way so you see with objective clarity requires a degree of self-confrontation. Everything that happens becomes a data point that informs your assessment of what else needs to happen. The following case study provides insight into how the “self” can be used as a change management tool.

      Ron was asked to facilitate an office retreat off-site. It was supposed to be a straightforward one-day event. The organization was looking to move from one-off projects to conducting capacity building at the national or transnational level. The purpose of the retreat was to discuss this significant change in mission and the strategy needed to achieve it.

      The leader for this group seemed unusually nervous that the retreat would devolve into a free for all of complaints and accusations. His concern, while extreme, was not unfounded. Morale was low and frustrations high, given the uncertainty people were experiencing. Ron tried to assure the manager that discontent would not morph into rabid rebellion. A better decision is reached when people can disagree openly with each other and their leader in a professional manner.

      The leader seemed mollified at first, but he continued to voice his criticism and displeasure as the date for the retreat drew closer. These expressions were easier for Ron to take when he reflected that he only had to deal with the manager for a few weeks. The staff, however, faced their manager’s moods every day. He was treating Ron like he treated others, so from a data collection perspective there was no reason to take this personally. He was demanding a guarantee of safety, yet a sense of safety is ultimately an inside job. His hypervigilance ironically made people feel less secure. The day before the retreat the manager demanded that Ron not allow any “wallowing” by staff in self-pity or blame. Ron countered that if people were forced to be relentlessly positive they would be convinced that the retreat was a failure. The manager nodded but did not look convinced.

      Ron left the meeting feeling uneasy. Would the manager ask people to be frank and then chastise the first person who spoke up? Would he let others give voice to their views or would he impose his own version of reality? If it were the latter, the retreat would be long, dull, and unproductive.

      Taking responsibility for his part, Ron asked himself where he might have sent mixed messages during the planning meetings, putting one foot on the gas and the other on the brakes. He was not the uber-leader type who could not tolerate dissent, right? A lengthy conversation with his wife followed. She pointed out how he also acted in ways that were driven by fear. Ron realized he had his own inner tyrant that could come down hard on others. Wholeness comes from embracing each and every part of oneself. As Ron connected with his own hypervigilant self, something relaxed within. The sense of resistance he felt toward the manager faded. If he represented some aspect of Ron’s self, then who or what was there to resist or resent? He could appreciate the perspective that it made no sense to discuss how people felt about difficult issues that were a fait accompli. No matter how the manager showed up Ron felt ready to respond with clarity and compassion.

      The next morning the staff arrived at the conference center in a relatively good mood, given the severity of their survey and interview feedback. The manager wanted to give a presentation but agreed to see what staff could come up with first. Through a structured exercise, people came to realize that the drivers of change were external; clients, partners, and current events put new demands on their organization. Change was being driven by environmental factors, not by an uncaring leader. Throughout the day the manager encouraged others to air their concerns. At the close of the day, he acknowledged that he had been worried the off-site would be a gripe session. Now he had a sense of great optimism about their future. He wanted everyone to know there were no taboos in raising a topic or asking a question. His apparent willingness to hear dissent and concerns set a new tone of openness in the organization.

      Reflections: While no one should claim Ron’s shift in attitude led to the shift in his client’s leadership style, it does suggest that synchronicity underlies the consultant/ client or leader/group relationship. What we resist in others or our group, however justified, says more about us than we realize. The door to self-awareness and the use of self is humility. Humility enables us to see the connection between our judgments and our own limitations. It takes a strong and confident leader to ensure that speaking truth to power is part of the corporate culture. Just one sharp rebuke over someone’s “inconvenient truth” could reinstate the attitude of cynicism and the norm of caution. In their interactions before the retreat, the facilitator, in his use of self, modeled for the manager a more productive way to engage with his staff around controversial topics. The off-site demonstrated in real time that disagreement can be done in a manner that safeguards the dignity of all concerned.

       Chapter 3

      Second Pillar:

      Systems Thinking

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