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symptoms. They have a cause, which needs to be identified and addressed. Knowing this, you conduct interviews, run surveys, and review data that might reveal the contributing factors behind the symptoms. Some consulting is straightforward. The cause is right there. It just takes the fresh eyes or the “beginner’s mind” of an outsider to see it. Other causes are not so visible. The ambiguity and smoke of the past test your diagnostic skills. Seeing through the haze depends upon the clarity of the “self” you bring to the task.

      The old saying that “You teach what you most need to learn” also applies. Figure 2-2 shows this second part of the model.

       Figure 2-2

      No matter where you go, there you are—along with your personal baggage and insecurities. Your issues show up as charged feelings and overreactions. It takes a fearless look within oneself to find the source of those issues. Some of the source might be in your conscious awareness. More often it is hidden in your subconscious. Since the subconscious is unconscious, finding any resolution without a tool like constellations is daunting. Courage and curiousity are required to do your inner work.

      There is a natural resonance between your issue and your team’s or client’s issue. That resonance is one reason you are both drawn to work with each other. Clients know they have a problem and just want your help with finding the solution. Long explanations about the theories and tools you use won’t hold their interest. If you have confronted your own similar issue and have consciously addressed its source in a constructive manner, then odds are you won’t get in your own way or the client’s. If you have not, then your ability to help or lead will be less than optimal.

      In Figure 2-3 you can see how the two parts of the use of self as a model come together.

       Figure 2-3

      In situations where the group is your client, you may not know in advance what their issue is and how your own is related to it. Just being alert to this possibility supports the process of finding out. The first step of an engagement is to connect with the group, as is shown in the bent arrow in the illustration above. You learn about them as individuals and as an organization. What do you observe in their interactions? Do you notice certain patterns of behavior? How the client group treats you is typical of the way they treat each other. There is no reason to take any of this personally because it is just data. In Figure 2-4 the top four circles are mostly at the level of conscious awareness. What is hidden in the subconscious is at the source level. At that same source level is the solution or the insight as well. Change is problematic unless you consider the subconscious realm where the potential for change resides. Ask yourself, “How does this group’s issue relate to my own?” Are strong feelings bubbling up in you in reaction to the way the group behaves? If so, then it’s wise to hold up a mirror and consider whether your reaction might have something to do with your own related issues and behaviors. The path of the arrows in this figure illustrates this process of going from the client issue to your issue and then to your source. This side step is not about being self-absorbed. It is about marshaling all your resources so you can be more fully present with your client or group.

       Figure 2-4

      Even if you believe the precept behavior is data, you might still notice that certain behaviors toward you or toward others triggers reactions within you. Instead of ignoring or denying those reactions or passing judgment on what you observe, try making the connection back to some disowned part of yourself. That part could resemble what you are judging in the group. Taking responsibility also will take you to your resourceful self. Start by noticing “what is” in the present moment without the impulse to lecture, defend, fix, or avoid. Working with a sense of calm objectivity and acceptance gives space for your genius to emerge (Figure 2-5).

       Figure 2-5

      Once we can see clearly “what is” from a resourceful state, then questions such as “What is needed in this moment?” will help reveal the relevant answers.

      Overcoming your group’s resistances and defenses is a lot easier if you first overcome your own. Before you intervene with the group, especially one prone to expressing intense emotions, you may need to intervene with yourself. The biggest obstacle to your own resourcefulness is the belief that others are putting you in a non-resourceful state. In actuality, they are handing you a gift that enhances how you show up in the world. Once you find the resolution you need, you can guide others to find what they need. Your ability to facilitate breakthroughs is strengthened when you remove the blocks to your own resourcefulness.

      A recent example of use of self played out for a consultant who had started working with a family-owned business. She had conducted her assessment and the situation looked dire. The managing director who hired her seemed adept at avoiding a focused discussion on issues that were urgent and sizable. The business had been started by his parents. It did well until competition, fueled by globalization, began to erode market share. Family conflicts—between the parents, with the father, with his sister, who was one of the managers too—had turned toxic. The employees complained relentlessly but no one in charge could or would listen and respond. The consultant was at a loss as to how to proceed since her client, the managing director, never seemed to have time to discuss her findings and recommendations. As I heard the consultant’s story, it struck me that it might not be just by chance she ended up with this particular client. I asked her about her own family. She paused in thought and then confessed her family had similar dysfunctions: siblings who were not talking to each other; parents and grown children who were at odds because of past hurts. I suggested that if she found a way to reopen communication and find reconciliation with her own family it was more likely she could do the same for her client. The first step was coming to terms with her own painful past. Once she shifted, then she would help her client shift into a space of more peace and possibilities.

       The Model

      The use of self model described above came out of my own phenomenological experiences. I’ve worked with hundreds of teams since 1988; some of the engagements lasted several years, but most were a few weeks or months long. Looking back I wonder why it took so long for me to see this use of self. It might not have been noticeable to others, but it was noticeable to me that my insecurities, hiding comfortably in the shadow of the subconscious, habitually showed up in certain group settings. I kept reliving the same reality until I took responsibility for and addressed those insecurities. Taking responsibility enables “your ability to respond.” Letting go of perfectionism and acknowledging the limits of one’s ability is the essence of an empowered humility. Shortcomings, like stray cats, are bound to show up, so it’s best to treat those parts of one’s own self with compassion. Your sense of purpose may come from the early, often difficult, experiences that shaped who you are. According to the myth of the hero’s journey, your wounds determine your gifts.¹

      Not so long ago I was working with an organization that seemed hyper-dysfunctional. They were in the middle of planning and launching a national program that was focused on improving public health in a critical area. The manager was capable and smart but had numerous constraints to deal with. It did not seem they could,

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