TROILUS & CRESSIDA - William Shakespeare

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behind her father. Let her to the Greeks; and so I’ll tell her the next time I see her. For my part, I’ll meddle nor make no more i’ the matter.

       TROILUS.

       Pandarus

       PANDARUS.

       Not I.

       TROILUS.

       Sweet Pandarus—

       PANDARUS. Pray you, speak no more to me: I will leave all as I found it, and there an end.

       [Exit PANDARUS. An alarum.]

       TROILUS.

       Peace, you ungracious clamours! Peace, rude sounds!

       Fools on both sides! Helen must needs be fair,

       When with your blood you daily paint her thus.

       I cannot fight upon this argument;

       It is too starv’d a subject for my sword.

       But Pandarus, O gods! how do you plague me!

       I cannot come to Cressid but by Pandar;

       And he’s as tetchy to be woo’d to woo

       As she is stubborn-chaste against all suit.

       Tell me, Apollo, for thy Daphne’s love,

       What Cressid is, what Pandar, and what we?

       Her bed is India; there she lies, a pearl;

       Between our Ilium and where she resides

       Let it be call’d the wild and wandering flood;

       Ourself the merchant, and this sailing Pandar

       Our doubtful hope, our convoy, and our bark.

       [Alarum. Enter AENEAS.]

       AENEAS.

       How now, Prince Troilus! Wherefore not afield?

       TROILUS.

       Because not there. This woman’s answer sorts,

       For womanish it is to be from thence.

       What news, Aeneas, from the field to-day?

       AENEAS.

       That Paris is returned home, and hurt.

       TROILUS.

       By whom, Aeneas?

       AENEAS.

       Troilus, by Menelaus.

       TROILUS.

       Let Paris bleed: ‘tis but a scar to scorn;

       Paris is gor’d with Menelaus’ horn.

       [Alarum.]

       AENEAS.

       Hark what good sport is out of town to-day!

       TROILUS.

       Better at home, if ‘would I might’ were ‘may.’

       But to the sport abroad. Are you bound thither?

       AENEAS.

       In all swift haste.

       TROILUS.

       Come, go we then together. [Exeunt.]

      SCENE 2. Troy. A street

       [Enter CRESSIDA and her man ALEXANDER.]

       CRESSIDA.

       Who were those went by?

       ALEXANDER.

       Queen Hecuba and Helen.

       CRESSIDA.

       And whither go they?

       ALEXANDER.

       Up to the eastern tower,

       Whose height commands as subject all the vale,

       To see the battle. Hector, whose patience

       Is as a virtue fix’d, to-day was mov’d.

       He chid Andromache, and struck his armourer;

       And, like as there were husbandry in war,

       Before the sun rose he was harness’d light,

       And to the field goes he; where every flower

       Did as a prophet weep what it foresaw

       In Hector’s wrath.

       CRESSIDA.

       What was his cause of anger?

       ALEXANDER.

       The noise goes, this: there is among the Greeks

       A lord of Troyan blood, nephew to Hector;

       They call him Ajax.

       CRESSIDA.

       Good; and what of him?

       ALEXANDER.

       They say he is a very man per se,

       And stands alone.

       CRESSIDA.

       So do all men, unless they are drunk, sick, or have no legs.

       ALEXANDER. This man, lady, hath robb’d many beasts of their particular additions: he is as valiant as a lion, churlish as the bear, slow as the elephant—a man into whom nature hath so crowded humours that his valour is crush’d into folly, his folly sauced with discretion. There is no man hath a virtue that he hath not a glimpse of, nor any man an attaint but he carries some stain of it; he is melancholy without cause and merry against the hair; he hath the joints of every thing; but everything so out of joint that he is a gouty Briareus, many hands and no use, or purblind Argus, all eyes and no sight.

       CRESSIDA. But how should this man, that makes me smile, make Hector angry?

       ALEXANDER. They say he yesterday cop’d Hector in the battle and struck him down, the disdain and shame whereof hath ever since kept Hector fasting and waking.

       [Enter PANDARUS.]

       CRESSIDA.

       Who comes here?

       ALEXANDER.

       Madam, your uncle Pandarus.

       CRESSIDA.

       Hector’s a gallant man.

       ALEXANDER.

       As may be in the world, lady.

       PANDARUS.

       What’s that? What’s that?

       CRESSIDA.

       Good morrow, uncle Pandarus.

       PANDARUS. Good morrow, cousin Cressid. What do you talk of?—Good morrow, Alexander.—How do you, cousin? When were you at Ilium?

       CRESSIDA.

       This morning, uncle.

       PANDARUS. What were you talking of when I came? Was Hector arm’d and gone ere you came to Ilium? Helen was not up, was she?

       CRESSIDA.

       Hector was gone; but Helen was not up.

       PANDARUS.

       E’en so. Hector was stirring early.

       CRESSIDA.

       That were we talking of, and of his anger.

       PANDARUS.

       Was he angry?

       CRESSIDA.

       So he says here.

       PANDARUS. True, he was so; I know the cause too; he’ll lay about him today, I can tell them that. And there’s Troilus will not come far behind him; let them take heed of Troilus, I can tell them that too.

       CRESSIDA.

       What, is he angry too?

       PANDARUS.

       Who, Troilus? Troilus is the better man of the two.

       CRESSIDA.

       O Jupiter! there’s no comparison.

       PANDARUS. What,

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