LITMIR.BIZ

      This edition first published 2017

      © 2017 Gill Hasson

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      INTRODUCTION

      It is very important to understand that emotional intelligence is not the opposite of intelligence, it is not the triumph of head over heart – it is the unique intersection of both. – David Caruso

      What’s emotional intelligence about? Emotional intelligence is about using your emotions to inform your thinking and using your thinking to understand and manage your emotions.

      For many of us, with so many competing demands, concerns and commitments in our lives, it’s easy to feel overwhelmed and stressed, to become unsure and confused, to misunderstand or be misunderstood by others.

      With emotional intelligence, by understanding your emotions and how to manage them, you’re better able to express how you feel, what you want and don’t want, while at the same time acknowledging and understanding how others are feeling and behaving.

      It’s a dynamic process; the extent to which you can understand and manage your own emotions influences your ability to understand and manage other people’s emotions. And the more you understand other people’s emotions, their intentions, motivations and behaviour, the more appropriately you can respond and the more effectively you can interact with them.

      Emotional intelligence can help you to live and work with others more easily; forge stronger relationships, both in your personal life and at work. You’re more able to sense and manage the emotional needs of others. You’re more able to think before responding and know to give yourself and others time to calm down if emotions become overwhelming.

      Developing your emotional intelligence can help you to lead a happier life because thinking and behaving rationally and calmly in difficult situations puts you in a better position to handle feelings and situations that you may have found difficult and challenging in the past.

      But emotional intelligence is not only about understanding and managing difficult situations and emotions. It’s also about knowing how to engage the ‘feel good’ emotions that can give you and other people positivity, confidence, support, motivation and inspiration.

      HOW TO USE THIS BOOK

      Life will continue to throw us the same lessons until we learn from them. – Rachel Woods

      There are four parts to this book:

      1. Understanding emotions.

      2. Managing emotions.

      3. Developing your emotional intelligence.

      4. Developing your social intelligence.

      Within each part you’ll find particular situations or circumstances and for each situation or circumstance you will find practical ways – ideas, advice, tips and techniques – to help you to understand and apply emotional intelligence.

      If you want to understand what emotions are, where they come from and why we have them, read the chapters in Part 1, ‘Understanding emotions’. If you want to develop your emotional intelligence and learn how to manage emotions – yours or other people’s – Parts 2, 3 and 4 of this book will help you. Whether you want to learn how to manage difficult emotions such as anger and disappointment, build your courage and confidence or motivate and inspire others, whatever the issue, simply pick out a few ideas, tips and techniques that appeal to you and give them a try.

      Some of the tips and advice will be particularly comfortable and helpful to you in certain situations and with particular people. Use them. The more often you use them, the more you’ll know that events, feelings, other people and yourself can be managed better with emotional intelligence.

      If you feel that difficult emotions – stress, sadness, loneliness, guilt, regret, disappointment, anxiety, depression or anger – are overwhelming you and you’re really struggling to cope, do turn to the back of this book where you’ll find a list of organisations that can give you information and advice online or via their helpline.

      But for everyday situations, do keep this book in your bag or your pocket whenever or wherever you need emotional intelligence. You’ll find that the tips, techniques, ideas and suggestions in this book really can help provide you with a sense of calm control, perspective and understanding.

      PART 1

      UNDERSTANDING EMOTIONS KNOWING WHY WE HAVE EMOTIONS

      Everyone knows what an emotion is until asked to give a definition. Then it seems, nobody knows. – B. Fehr and J. Russell

      Emotions play an important role in how we think and behave. Emotions help protect you and keep you physically safe by prompting you to react to the threat of danger. Basic emotions such as fear, anger and disgust don’t wait for you to think, to reason and process what’s going on. In circumstances where rational thinking is too slow, these emotions instantly warn you of danger and get you to react – through fight or flight – immediately.

      Other emotions – social emotions – enable people to live and work with

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