LITMIR.BIZ

      "If you have finished your ovation, young ladies, I will proceed with my lecture. When, as I say, you are out in the wide, wide world, making five-o'clock tea some afternoon for one of the young men popularly supposed to be there, who have dropped in to make an afternoon call—Do you follow me, young ladies, or do I speak too fast? If, while you are engaged in conversation, the kettle should become too hot, do not put your finger in your mouth and shriek 'Ouch!' and coquettishly say to the young man, 'You take it off,' as might a young woman who has not enjoyed your advantages; but, rather, rise to the emergency; say to him calmly, 'This kettle has become over-heated; may I trouble you to go into the hall and bring an umbrella?' and when he returns you can hook it off gracefully and expeditiously as you have seen me do, young ladies, and the young—"

      "Patty, take care!" This from Priscilla.

      "O-u-c-h!" in a long-drawn wail. This from Georgie.

      Patty hastily set the kettle down on the floor. "I'm awfully sorry, Georgie. Does it hurt?"

      "Not in the least. It's really a pleasant sensation to have boiling water poured over you."

      The Bartlet Twin sniffed. "I smell burning rug."

      Patty groaned. "I resign, Pris; I resign. Here, you preside. I'll never ask to make it again."

      "I should like," observed the Twin, "to see Patty entertaining a young man."

      "It's not such an unprecedented event," said Patty, with some warmth. "You can watch me to-morrow night if it will give you so much pleasure."

      "To-morrow night? Are you going to have a man for the Prom?"

      "That," said Patty, "is my intention."

      "And you haven't asked me for a dance!" This in an aggrieved chorus from the entire room.

      "I haven't asked any one," said Patty, with dignity.

      "Do you mean you're going to have all of the twenty dances with him yourself?"

      "Oh, no; I don't expect to dance more than ten with him myself—I haven't made out his card yet," she added.

      "Why not?"

      "I never do."

      "Has he been here before, then?"

      "No; that's the reason."

      "The reason for what?"

      "Well," Patty deigned to explain, "I've invited him for every party since freshman year."

      "And did he decline?"

      "No; he accepted, but he never came."

      "Why not?"

      "He was scared."

      "Scared? Of the girls?"

      "Yes," said Patty, "partly—but mostly of the faculty."

      "The faculty wouldn't hurt him."

      "Of course not; but he couldn't understand that. You see, he had a fright when he was young."

      "A fright? What was it?"

      "Well," said Patty, "it happened this way: It was while I was at boarding-school. He was at Andover then, and his home was in the South; and one time when he went through Washington he stopped off to call on me. As it happened, the butler had left two days before, and had taken with him all the knives and forks, and all the money he could find, and Nancy Lee's gold watch and two hat-pins, and my silver hair-brush, and a bottle of brandy, and a pie," she enumerated with a conscientious regard for details; "and Mrs. Trent—that's the principal—had advertised for a new butler."

      "I should have thought the old one would have discouraged her from keeping butlers," said Georgie.

      "You would think so," said Patty; "but she was a very persevering woman. On the day that Raoul—that's his name—came to call, nineteen people had applied for the place, and Mrs. Trent was worn out from interviewing them. So she told Miss Sarah—that's her daughter—to attend to those who came in the evening. Miss Sarah was tall and wore spectacles, and was—was—"

      "A good disciplinarian," suggested the Twin.

      "Yes," said Patty, feelingly, "an awfully good disciplinarian. Well, when Raoul got there he gave his card to Ellen and asked for me; but Ellen didn't understand, and she called Miss Sarah, and when Miss Sarah saw him in his evening clothes she—"

      "Took him for a butler," put in Georgie.

      "Yes, she took him for a butler; and she looked at the card he'd given Ellen, and said icily, 'What does this mean?'

      "'It's—it's my name,' he stammered.

      "'I see,' said Miss Sarah; 'but where is your recommendation?'

      "'I didn't know it was necessary,' he said, terribly scared.

      "'Of course it's necessary,' Miss Sarah returned. 'I can't allow you to come into the house unless I have letters from the places where you've been before.'

      "'I didn't suppose you were so strict,' he said.

      "'We have to be strict,' Miss Sarah answered firmly. 'Have you had much experience?'

      "He didn't know what she meant, but he thought it would be safest to say he hadn't.

      "'Then of course you won't do,' she replied. 'How old are you?'

      "He was so frightened by this time that he couldn't remember. 'Nineteen,' he gasped—'I mean twenty.'

      "Miss Sarah saw his confusion, and thought he had designs on some of the heiresses intrusted to her care. 'I don't see how you dared to come here,' she said severely. 'I should not think of having you in the house for a moment. You're altogether too young and too good-looking.' And with that Raoul got up and bolted.

      "When Ellen told Miss Sarah the next day that he'd asked for me, she was terribly mortified, and she made me write and explain, and invite him to dinner; but wild horses couldn't have dragged him into the house again. He's been afraid to stop off in Washington ever since. He always goes straight through on a sleeper, and says he has nightmares even then."

      "And is that why he won't come to the college?"

      "Yes," said Patty; "that's the reason. I told him we didn't have any butlers here; but he said we had lady faculty, and that's as bad."

      "But I thought you said he was coming to the Prom."

      "He is this time."

      "Are you

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