LITMIR.BIZ

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when she decided to walk around her house for a few days solely in a handstand position, just to change things up.

      During her senior year in high school, Morgan got tired of sitting at a desk all day, so rather than the usual curriculum, she enrolled in an outdoor wilderness program. This was not an extended field trip for wimps. It was the kind where they dropped you off—Bear Grylls style—with nothing but a compass and a jackknife, and you had to use survival skills to get back to base camp. To complicate matters, it was February in Saskatchewan, Canada. Temperatures of 20 degrees below zero and three inches of snow didn’t stop her from finding her way back to civilization—more specifically, to the nearest shopping mall.

      Cousin Morgan loves fashion, food, books, driving a quad, snowboarding, playing the guitar, climbing up things, jumping off things, rappelling down things, and making artistic creations. To pay her way through college, Morgan is presently a fruit sculptor at a trendy local brunch bistro. She can make a watermelon look like a rose. She also does stints as the mascot at local sporting events. When she’s not creating edible art, she is working with children in Mexico or taking surfing lessons in Hawaii. She recently returned from a 40-day whirlwind tour of 19 countries in Europe, which she paid for through her various unusual jobs.

      Morgan’s family moved to a different city when she was entering her senior year of high school. For most of us, that would be traumatic. Not for her. She walked into the cafeteria on the first day and announced, “I’m new here. Anyone else new too?” She had an instant circle of friends. Morgan inspires me to try new things and to laugh at myself.

       3. Equip your child to go for it!

      The only thing worse than not knowing what to do with your life is to know but lack the courage or the resources to go for it. It’s common today for parents to praise their children for being one-of-a-kind. There are books, poems, and bumper stickers galore expressing the benefits of chasing your dream. But all that rhetoric is meaningless if parents aren’t willing to help their children make those dreams a reality.

      When Mike and Daniel were in their early teens, they wanted to form a rock band with their two best friends (another set of brothers) and become famous. I (Richard) knew that eventually they would probably choose other careers—at least I hoped they would. Still, I admired them for being visionaries. Lisa and I bought them a drum set and a guitar. We found a music school and drove them to and from lessons. We replaced broken drumsticks and lost guitar picks. We also bought ample supplies of earplugs so we were prepared for their practice sessions.

      They poured themselves into their band. It was called Val Veeda (the name was loosely based on a cheese brand). They practiced loudly for hours in our basement. One thing led to another, and ultimately, they formed a new band with a more sophisticated sound (and a female vocalist who could actually sing).

      The new band was called Fading Rebel. Their signature song was entitled “Strength to Stand,” and was about having the courage to stand up for your faith. The band even toured for a while in neighboring cities with some better-known bands and played in some pretty sketchy venues. They made a CD and printed t-shirts with their logo emblazoned on them.

      I recall attending one of the boys’ performances. I was the president of a theological seminary at the time and a (somewhat) respected Christian leader in our community. I assumed I had a certain image to uphold. But there on stage were my two teenage boys. Both had hair that was way past due for a visit to the hair salon. Both sported piercings. Both were jumping all over the stage, headbanging, and doing acrobatic leaps off their amps. There were other adults from our church in attendance. I admit that I began to worry about what they would think (or tell others) about my children’s behavior. Surely the teenage sons of a Christian author and speaker like myself should be occupying themselves ministering to the homeless or studying the Bible in the original Hebrew and Greek.

      As I began to worry that perhaps I had been a bit too lenient in the standards I had enforced in our home, I suddenly felt a frantic tap on my arm. It was Lisa. She informed me that the crowd needed to get more involved in the music. And, as she often did on such occasions, she had a plan.

      “Richard, get all the adults we know to join us, and let’s charge the stage and start a mosh pit!” Gulp. Now my dear wife has had some pretty “out there” ideas before (like suggesting I quit my job and move our family to a small northern town where we could run a coffee shop and sell homemade snacks and crafts), but this was really pushing my envelope! The next thing I knew, I was timidly running up to the stage, jumping up and down and waving my hands. I had no idea what proper moshing etiquette involved.

      What happened next surprised the life out of me. Teenagers from all over the auditorium spied the awkward, middle-aged adults pathetically trying to mosh to the music. Suddenly, the young people eagerly raced to join the fogies. Teenagers were hurling themselves against me, laughing, and urging me not to quit. I have thanked God every day since that no one caught that spectacle on camera. The next day, I was in so much pain I could barely crawl out of bed. But do you know what? Our kids couldn’t believe it. They knew we supported them, but to launch a mosh pit that left people in our town still buzzing days later? That was epic!

      Eventually, our boys outgrew their fixation with stardom. Now they both play regularly on the worship band at church. Are they rock stars? No. But they wouldn’t trade the experience for anything. They learned much more than how to play an instrument. They made some terrific memories while they pursued their dreams. They also have a great deal on a t-shirt if you’re interested…

      It’s not enough to spout motivational platitudes to your children about chasing their dream. They need you to do more than sit in your armchair and cheer them on. They need you to support them in visible ways: with your time, presence, and money.

       The Cost of Following the Formula

      My (Carrie) childhood friend Lacey was mercilessly bullied at school. She wanted to transfer to another school where many of her church friends were enrolled, or perhaps attend a Christian institution. Most of all, she longed to try homeschooling. While sympathetic, her parents told her she had to press on because 1) there was no bus service to the other school, 2) they couldn’t afford private school, 3) her siblings were doing fine in the same circumstances, and 4) her mom didn’t want to be tied down at home now that her children were school-aged.

      So Lacey, a compliant child, trudged off to a school she despised. She often expressed resentment that her family didn’t take her concerns seriously. Her school experience was miserable. She finally graduated and couldn’t leave home fast enough. Free at last, she launched into a lifestyle that summarily rejected her parents’ Christian beliefs and values.

      Lacey’s parents realized their daughter was struggling, but they failed to make the necessary modifications to their parenting practices so she could succeed. They felt bound to the only model of parenting they knew. Unfortunately, that model contributed to their daughter’s downfall.

       Mom: If children never see their parents challenge prevailing customs, then they also may be ill-equipped to do so.

       Challenge

      For as long as I can remember, my (Carrie) parents encouraged my brothers and me to seek God’s direction for our lives. I grew up knowing that our best interests were not always achieved by following the lead of our friends. We also learned that mimicking what our parents had done at our age wouldn’t necessarily be right for us either (not to mention, my dad’s scraggly, lopsided 70s afro is a little difficult to replicate). Though we made some mistakes along the way, each of us developed a unique life that, so far, has been extremely rewarding.

      Mom: Parenting is tough. But the good news is, we can learn from each other’s successes and mistakes.

      A few years ago for Christmas, my mom bought me a t-shirt bearing a quote from my favorite author, Mark Twain (who was many things,

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