LITMIR.BIZ

       Mom: “The best way to give advice to your children is to find out what they want and then advise them to do it.”

       — Harry Truman

      Then we went to our first parent/teacher interview. The teacher described watching Mike squirm in his desk chair as if his pants were infested by a colony of fire ants.

       Oh, well. Massachusetts has harsh winters anyway…

      At least Daniel, our second born, knew how to sit still. He progressed nicely until First Grade “show and tell.” That wasn’t in Daniel’s contract. So, our cherub became an escape artist, running away from school every time his teacher appeared less interesting than the Mario Kart Nintendo game waiting for him at home.

      At least he is showing initiative, we rationalized…

      Hope resurfaced when our daughter, Carrie, was born. She was our overachiever. I knew she wouldn’t let me down. I wrote a form letter we could send to the colleges we would have to regretfully decline, despite the impressive, full-ride scholarships they were offering.…

      Carrie’s kindergarten teacher was a seasoned veteran. She made appointments the week before school started and visited the children in their homes to help alleviate any first-year jitters. To me, that seemed appropriate for other kids, but entirely unnecessary in Carrie’s case. But, to set a good example for Carrie’s classmates, we scheduled a home visit. Lisa arranged a child’s tea table in Carrie’s bedroom. A dish of dainties was tastefully laid out with child-appropriate beverages. Mrs. Wilson, a pleasant, motherly type, arrived on schedule and made her way to Carrie’s room for some private time. We assumed she would probe Carrie’s thoughts on the nation’s abysmal educational record or perhaps ask her opinion on current trends among preschoolers.

      Moments later, Carrie emerged from the room and abruptly closed the door behind her, leaving Mrs. Wilson to sip her tea in solitude. Carrie slumped dramatically against the closed door. “I just had to get out of that room!” she announced, rolling her eyes. “I could hardly breathe!”

       Well, perhaps our grandchildren…

      Like most parents, Lisa and I eventually adjusted our expectations to correspond with reality.

       It’s in the Bible

      Today, if you mention the Bible in certain circles, you will be labeled an out-of-date traditionalist. Nevertheless, the Bible continues to be the most revolutionary book in print.

      The apostle Paul was indoctrinated in the prevailing values and customs of his day. The most prestigious group in his nation was a political organization called the Sanhedrin. Paul aspired to enter into its esteemed ranks in record time. The most popular religious group was known as the Pharisees. Paul strove to outdo them in fervency. He zealously embraced his generation’s trending values and wholly bought into his culture’s measures of success.

      Then he had a life-changing meeting with Christ. The encounter left him blind for three days (Acts 9:9). When the scales fell from his eyes, Paul saw his life accurately for the first time. He immediately cast aside his former customs and habits and began living the life God had always intended for him. Paul formerly embodied everything his society cherished, but Christ transformed him into a revolutionary.

      Paul joined a movement so dynamic that 2,000 years later, we still experience its repercussions. Christianity turned popular views on marriage, child-rearing, and life in general upside down. One of the most profound pieces of advice Paul wrote was this:

      “And do not be conformed to this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind, that you may prove what is that good and acceptable and perfect will of God.” (Rom. 12:2)

      After years of getting it wrong, Paul realized that you can’t let mainstream society dictate your life; instead, you must embrace who God created you to be.

       What’s a Parent to Do?

      Many parents know their children are struggling or could be doing better, but fail to act in ways that help their child succeed. We contend that one of the primary reasons for this is because modern society inundates families with misguided solutions to their problems.

      In our frenzied culture, we can tap in to a steady stream of bite-sized phrases on social media. We simply scroll down and snatch up what appeals to us. There are potluck-styled sites that circulate inspirational quotes and maxims so everyone can partake. It’s a motivational smorgasbord.

      Mom: Sometimes we should doubt the benefits of giving others the benefit of the doubt.

      However, just because an opinion is widely publicized doesn’t make it wise or even true. Faulty thinking presented in a touching video or written in calligraphy and illustrated with rainbows is still faulty. It’s up to us to discern between wisdom and fallacy. Here are a few examples of pithy quotes on social media right now:

      Get lost finding yourself.

      If you can dream it, you can do it.

      Create your happy, whatever that means to you.

      Trust your instinct.

      Dream big.

      The only failure is not trying.

      Life is 10 percent inspiration and 90 percent perspiration.

      It’s easier now than ever before to let others do our thinking for us. Society brims with advice and opinions for how you should parent your child. Unfortunately, modern society is becoming increasingly intolerant of people who don’t follow its politically correct approach. Ironically, in an age when advice is more available than ever before, families continue to struggle. The challenge for parents is to discern what, if anything, in conventional wisdom is best for their child. It could be that what seems to be working for other children simply isn’t the best option for everyone.

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