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crackers

       tuna salad on whole wheat sandwich

       tofu stir-fry with hazelnuts

       scrambled eggs and cheese

       meats or poultry with veggies

       hummus with whole-wheat pita bread

       seafood, pasta, and cottage cheese

       whole grain pasta with parmesan cheese

faqs about toddler sleep

      You’ll run into many detours on the road to getting your toddler to sleep. Some of them can exhaust your patience. If you can manage to hang on to your sense of humour, some are actually pretty funny. Here are the most common questions we get asked in our medical practice and on our website:

       Bedtime procrastinator

       We begin putting our 2½-year-old to bed at 8pm, but he has a load of excuses that prolong the routine: he needs a drink of water, he has to go to the toilet, he asks us to ‘read again (and again)’ … Sometimes it takes me an hour to an hour and a half to get him to sleep. We’re tired after a day’s work, and we often could fall asleep before he does. Where should we draw the line?

      The main reason kids procrastinate at bedtime is stress. They aren’t worried about the actual getting-ready-for-bed routine. They are anxious about the very end of the routine – when you leave them alone to fall asleep. Fear of going to bed alone will make the whole routine stressful and your child is much more likely to act out in any way he can to delay the impending alone-in-bed time. This makes the whole bedtime hour less enjoyable for you too.

      Get behind the eyes of your child and understand bedtime procrastination from his viewpoint. Ask yourself, “If I were my child, what would I need from my parents at bedtime?” Answer: my parents! Instead of regarding bedtime as a chore, think of this prolonged going-to-bed ritual as quality time you spend with your child. This may be the only time during the whole day when he has your focused attention, so of course, he wants to make the most of it and reconnect with you. If you can relax and enjoy this time, you will both be happier.

      Parents in this situation will usually need to take a step backwards and spend a few weeks or months sitting by their child’s bedside using the fade away technique introduced above.

      This can be difficult, since you are tired and your tired child is being very demanding. You may be wanting some time with your partner or time just for yourself. Take it as a compliment that your child enjoys this special time with you. We worry more about babies who are not so “demanding” of their parents at night. And keep it in perspective – those early years fly by quickly.

      Sears’ Sleep Tip: It’s all about attitude. Instead of dreading prolonged bedtime rituals, view them as treasure times that you are storing up so that you can all sleep better later on.

      Develop a consistent bedtime ritual using the tips from earlier in this chapter. On nights when you know you don’t have enough patience for the whole routine, call in a crutch. Listen to an audiotape of your child’s favourite story, or watch a calm video together. You can snuggle up on the couch with your child, enjoying bedtime closeness without expending a lot of energy. Many nights when Matthew was three to four years old he and I snuggled together in a beanbag and he dozed off to Lady and the Tramp. Meanwhile, Martha was free to be with baby Stephen.

      tuck me in, dad

      Little minds are in a receptive state at bedtime. Bedtime stories can help a child reflect on her life, and you can tuck a little teaching into the stories you tell. Events from your growing-up years are a great source of bedtime tales.

      You can also use bedtimes as teachable moments to implant into your child pleasant thoughts and admirable values as she drifts off to sleep. Do this night after night and these bits of wisdom will be filed away in her library of experiences. Years later these bedtime lessons will be an important influence in her life.

      Bedtime prayers are a time-honoured tradition for smoothing out the wrinkles of life and for passing on parental values and beliefs. Teach your child a familiar prayer, or make up your own prayers of gratitude and concern for others.

      Dr Bob remembers toddler Andrew used to ask while snuggling to sleep, “Tell me good things, Daddy.” Bob would create peaceful scenes for Andrew to imagine. “We are sitting next to a quiet river in the warm sunshine with little fish swimming by.” Four or five little images would help Andrew settle into sleep peacefully.

      After one or two stories, if she wanted more I said something like, “Mummy needs to go put on her pyjamas now, and I’ll be back to check on you in a few minutes.” I encouraged her to look at the books we had just read together. She was okay with that and would often be asleep by the time I got back.

       Wants to stay up late

       Our two-year-old figts going to bed until 10 or 11pm. I know he’s tired, certainly we are. How can I get him to sleep earlier?

      The most important aspect of helping a toddler go to bed early, especially when you know he is tired and is just fighting it, is to learn what his tired time is (review page), anticipate it, get into the bedtime routine early, set the stage for sleep (review page), and do this consistently night after night. You may also need to eliminate any afternoon naps (see “Getting Baby to Nap at Predictable Times”, page). (See related situations, “Establish a Set Nap Schedule”, page.)

      Also, take inventory of what else is going on in your family. Does your child miss you during the day and want to make up for it at night? Are changes in your routine, such as a move, a change in childcare providers, or the arrival of a new baby, upsetting your child? Some children don’t want to go to bed because they are afraid of going to sleep. Others resist bedtime because they don’t want to be separated from their parents or because they want more “quality time” with their parents. In our family we noticed that the busier and more preoccupied we were during the day, the more our children lobbied for quality time at night.

      You know that your son needs to get to bed earlier so that he can get enough sleep. And you and your partner may need some couple time in the evening. So how do you take what you have figured out about why your child is resisting bedtime and use this insight to get him to sleep earlier?

      If there are stressful situations that make it hard for your child to sleep, try to remedy them. Make an effort to spend quality time with your child at times other than bedtime. Encourage lots of active play, so your child really is tired at night. Turn off the television.

      Plan ahead for an earlier bedtime. Start your winding-down-for-bed routine earlier. Have your child take a bath and get his pyjamas on earlier in the evening. Then at least he is ready for bed, and you don’t have to hurry through the whole routine when you are both tired and cranky. Then use the time between bath and bed for quiet games and other activities that you do together.

      It may be that your child is just not ready to go to sleep before 10pm. Throughout this book we have stressed the importance of earlier bedtimes, especially for infants and children. Yet, an early bedtime may not work well in your family. With today’s busy schedules, parents may not have much time with their children during the day. As a result, children demand more attention from their parents in the evening and balk at bedtime. If your child is, on the whole, well rested (maybe he’s taking a long afternoon nap that helps him stay awake at night), a later bedtime may be more realistic. When your child goes to bed is not as important as going to bed at the same time from one night to the next.

       Wakes up too early

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