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Montgomerie

      Ask him? Good-night.

Lady Frederick

      Good-night. [He goes out. Lady Frederick goes to the French window that leads to the terrace and calls.] Gerald!

Gerald

      Hulloa!

[He appears and comes into the room.Lady Frederick

      Did you know that Captain Montgomerie was going to propose to me?

Gerald

      Yes.

Lady Frederick

      Is there any reason why I should marry him?

Gerald

      Only that I owe him nine hundred pounds.

Lady Frederick

      [Aghast.] Oh, why didn't you tell me?

Gerald

      You were so worried, I couldn't. Oh, I've been such a fool. I tried to make a coup for Rose's sake.

Lady Frederick

      Is it a gambling debt?

Gerald

      Yes.

Lady Frederick

      [Ironically.] What they call a debt of honour?

Gerald

      I must pay it the day after to-morrow without fail.

Lady Frederick

      But that's the day my two bills fall due. And if you don't?

Gerald

      I shall have to send in my papers, and I shall lose Rosie. And then I shall blow out my silly brains.

Lady Frederick

      But who is the man?

Gerald

      He's the son of Aaron Levitzki, the money-lender.

Lady Frederick

      [Half-comic, half-aghast.] Oh lord!

END OF THE FIRST ACT

      THE SECOND ACT

      The scene is the same as in Act I. Admiral Carlisle is sleeping in an armchair with a handkerchief over his face. Rose is sitting on a grandfather's chair, and Gerald is leaning over the back.

Rose

      Isn't papa a perfectly adorable chaperon?

[The Admiral snores.Gerald

      Perfectly.

[A pause.Rose

      I've started fifteen topics of conversation in the last quarter of an hour, Gerald.

Gerald

      [Smiling.] Have you?

Rose

      You always agree with me, and there's an end of it. So I have to rack my brains again.

Gerald

      All you say is so very wise and sensible. Of course I agree.

Rose

      I wonder if you'll think me sensible and wise in ten years.

Gerald

      I'm quite sure I shall.

Rose

      Why, then, I'm afraid we shan't cultivate any great brilliancy of repartee.

Gerald

      Be good, sweet maid, and let who will be clever.

Rose

      Oh, don't say that. When a man's in love, he at once makes a pedestal of the Ten Commandments and stands on the top of them with his arms akimbo. When a woman's in love she doesn't care two straws for Thou Shalt and Thou Shalt Not.

Gerald

      When a woman's in love she can put her heart on the slide of a microscope and examine how it beats. When a man's in love, what do you think he cares for science and philosophy and all the rest of it!

Rose

      When a man's in love he can only write sonnets to the moon. When a woman's in love she can still cook his dinner and darn her own stockings.

Gerald

      I wish you wouldn't cap all my observations.

[She lifts up her face, and he kisses her lips.Rose

      I'm beginning to think you're rather nice, you know.

Gerald

      That's reassuring, at all events.

Rose

      But no one could accuse you of being a scintillating talker.

Gerald

      Have you ever watched the lovers in the Park sitting on the benches hour after hour without saying a word?

Rose

      Why?

Gerald

      Because I've always thought that they must be bored to the verge of tears. Now I know they're only happy.

Rose

      You're certainly my soldier, so I suppose I'm your nursery-maid.

Gerald

      You know, when I was at Trinity College, Dublin —

Rose

      [Interrupting.] Were you there? I thought you went to Oxford.

Gerald

      No, why?

Rose

      Only all my people go to Magdalen.

Gerald

      Yes.

Rose

      And I've decided that if I ever have a son he shall go there too.

[The Admiral starts and pulls the handkerchief off his face. The others do not notice him. He is aghast and astounded at the conversation. Lady Frederick comes in later and stands smiling as she listens.Gerald

      My darling, you know I hate to thwart you in any way, but I've quite made up my mind that my son shall go to Dublin as I did.

Rose

      I'm awfully sorry, Gerald, but the boy must be educated like a gentleman.

Gerald

      There I quite agree, Rose, but first of all he's an Irishman, and it's right that he should be educated in Ireland.

Rose

      Darling Gerald, a mother's love is naturally the safest guide in these things.

Gerald

      Dearest Rose, a father's wisdom is always the most reliable.

Lady Frederick

      Pardon my interfering, but – aren't you just a little previous?

Admiral

      [Bursting out.] Did you ever hear such a conversation in your life between a young unmarried couple?

Rose

      My dear papa, we must be prepared for everything.

Admiral

      In my youth young ladies did not refer to things of that sort.

Lady Frederick

      Well, I don't suppose they're any the worse for having an elementary knowledge of natural history. Personally I doubt whether ignorance is quite the same thing as virtue, and I'm not quite sure that a girl makes a better wife because she's been brought up like a perfect fool.

Admiral

      I am old-fashioned, Lady Frederick; and my idea of a modest girl is that when certain topics are mentioned she should swoon. Swoon, madam, swoon. They always did it when I was a lad.

Rose

      Well, father, I've often tried to faint when I wanted something that you wouldn't give me, and I've never been able to manage it. So I'm sure I couldn't swoon.

Admiral

      And with regard to this ridiculous discussion as to which University your son is to be sent, you seem to forget that I have the right to be consulted.

Gerald

      My dear Admiral, I don't see how it can possibly matter to you.

Admiral

      And before we go any further I should like you to know that the very day Rose was born I determined that her son should go to Cambridge.

Rose

      My dear papa, I think Gerald and I are far and away the best judges of our son's welfare.

Admiral

      The boy must work, Rose. I will have no good-for-nothing as my grandson.

Gerald

      Exactly. And that is why I'm resolved

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