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why don't you have him?

Lady Frederick

      Good heavens, I'm old enough to be his mother.

Gerald

      Nonsense. You're only ten years older than he is, and nowadays no nice young man marries a woman younger than himself.

Lady Frederick

      He's such a good fellow. I couldn't do him a nasty turn like that.

Gerald

      How about Montgomerie? He simply stinks of money, and he's not a bad sort.

Lady Frederick

      [Surprised.] My dear boy, I hardly know him.

Gerald

      Well, I'm afraid it means marriage or bankruptcy.

Lady Frederick

      Here's Charlie. Take him away, there's a dear. I want to talk to Paradine.

Enter Paradine Fouldes with Mereston.Fouldes

      What, still here, Lady Frederick?

Lady Frederick

      As large as life.

Fouldes

      We've been taking a turn on the terrace.

Lady Frederick

      [To Mereston.] And has your astute uncle been pumping you, Charlie?

Fouldes

      Eh, what?

Mereston

      I don't think he got much out of me.

Fouldes

      [Good-naturedly.] All I wanted, dear boy. There's no one so transparent as the person who thinks he's devilish deep. By the way, what's the time?

Gerald

      About eleven, isn't it?

Fouldes

      Ah! How old are you, Charlie?

Mereston

      Twenty-two.

Fouldes

      Then it's high time you went to bed.

Lady Frederick

      Charlie's not going to bed till I tell him. Are you?

Mereston

      Of course not.

Fouldes

      Has it escaped your acute intelligence, my friend, that I want to talk to Lady Frederick?

Mereston

      Not at all. But I have no reason to believe that Lady Frederick wants to talk to you.

Gerald

      Let's go and have a game of pills, Charlie.

Mereston

      D'you want to be left alone with the old villain?

Fouldes

      You show no respect for my dyed hairs, young man.

Lady Frederick

      I've not seen him for years, you know.

Mereston

      Oh, all right. I say, you're coming for a ride to-morrow, aren't you?

Lady Frederick

      Certainly. But it must be in the afternoon.

Fouldes

      I'm sorry, but Charles has arranged to motor me over to Nice in the afternoon.

Mereston

      [To Lady Frederick.] That'll suit me A 1. I had an engagement, but it was quite unimportant.

Lady Frederick

      Then that's settled. Good-night.

Mereston

      Good-night.

[He goes out with Gerald. Lady Frederick turns and good-humouredly scrutinises Paradise Fouldes.Lady Frederick

      Well?

Fouldes

      Well?

Lady Frederick

      You wear excellently, Paradine.

Fouldes

      Thanks.

Lady Frederick

      How do you manage it?

Fouldes

      By getting up late and never going to bed early, by eating whatever I like and drinking whenever I'm thirsty, by smoking strong cigars, taking no exercise, and refusing under any circumstances to be bored.

Lady Frederick

      I'm sorry you had to leave town in such a hurry. Were you amusing yourself?

Fouldes

      I come to the Riviera every year.

Lady Frederick

      I daresay, but not so early.

Fouldes

      I've never surrendered so far to middle age as to make habits.

Lady Frederick

      My dear Paradine, the day before yesterday, Lady Mereston, quite distracted, went to the post office and sent you the following wire: "Come at once, your help urgently needed. Charlie in toils designing female, Maud." Am I right?

Fouldes

      I never admit even to myself that a well-dressed woman is mistaken.

Lady Frederick

      So you started post-haste, bent upon protecting your nephew, and were infinitely surprised to learn that the designing female was no other than your humble servant.

Fouldes

      You'd be irresistible, Lady Frederick, if you didn't know you were so clever.

Lady Frederick

      And now what are you going to do?

Fouldes

      My dear lady, I'm not a police officer, but a very harmless, inoffensive old bachelor.

Lady Frederick

      With more wiles than the mother of many daughters and the subtlety of a company promoter.

Fouldes

      Maud seems to think that as I've racketted about a little in my time, I'm just the sort of man to deal with you. Set a thief to catch a thief, don't you know? She's rather fond of proverbs.

Lady Frederick

      She should have thought rather of: When Greek meets Greek, then comes the tug of war. I hear Lady Mereston has been saying the most agreeable things about me.

Fouldes

      Ah, that's women's fault; they always show their hand. You're the only woman I ever knew who didn't.

Lady Frederick

      [With a brogue.] You should have avoided the Blarney Stone when you went to Ireland.

Fouldes

      Look here, d'you want to marry Charlie?

Lady Frederick

      Why should I?

Fouldes

      Because he's got fifty thousand a year, and you're head over ears in debt. You've got to raise something like four thousand pounds at once, or you go under. You've got yourself a good deal talked about during the last ten years, but people have stood you because you had plenty of money. If you go broke they'll drop you like a hot potato. And I daresay it wouldn't be inconvenient to change Lady Frederick Berolles into Lady Mereston. My sister has always led me to believe that it is rather attractive to be a Marchioness.

Lady Frederick

      Unlike a duchess, its cheap without being gaudy.

Fouldes

      You asked me why you might want to marry a boy from ten to fifteen years younger than yourself, and I've told you.

Lady Frederick

      And now perhaps you'll tell me why you're going to interfere in my private concerns?

Fouldes

      Well, you see his mother happens to be my sister, and I'm rather fond of her. It's true her husband was the most sanctimonious prig I've ever met in my life.

Lady Frederick

      I remember him well. He was president of the Broad Church Union and wore side-whiskers.

Fouldes

      But she stuck to me through thick and thin. I've been in some pretty tight places in my day, and she's always given me a leg up when I wanted it. I've got an idea it would just about break her heart if Charlie married you.

Lady Frederick

      Thanks.

Fouldes

      You know, I don't want to be offensive, but I think it would be a pity myself. And besides, unless I'm much mistaken,

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