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hands.] How d'you do?

Lady Frederick

      [Introducing.] Captain Montgomerie.

Captain Montgomerie

      I think we've met before.

Fouldes

      I'm very pleased to hear it. How d'you do. [To Mererston.] Are you having a good time in Monte Carlo, Charles?

Mererston

      A 1, thanks.

Fouldes

      And what do you do with yourself?

Mererston

      Oh, hang about generally, you know – and there's always the tables.

Fouldes

      That's right, my boy; I'm glad to see that you prepare yourself properly for your duties as a hereditary legislator.

Mererston

      [Laughing.] Oh, shut it, Uncle Paradine.

Fouldes

      I rejoice also to find that you have already a certain command of the vernacular.

Mererston

      Well, if you can browbeat a London cabby and hold your own in repartee with a barmaid, it oughtn't to be difficult to get on all right in the House of Lords.

Fouldes

      But let me give you a solemn warning. You have a magnificent chance, dear boy, with all the advantages of wealth and station. I beseech you not to throw it away by any exhibition of talent. The field is clear and the British people are waiting for a leader. But remember that the British people like their leaders dull. Capacity they mistrust, versatility they cannot bear, and wit they utterly abhor. Look at the fate of poor Lord Parnaby. His urbanity gained him the premiership, but his brilliancy overthrew him. How could the fortunes of the nation be safe with a man whose speeches were pointed and sparkling, whose mind was so quick, so agile, that it reminded you of a fencer's play? Every one is agreed that Lord Parnaby is flippant and unsubstantial; we doubt his principles and we have grave fears about his morality. Take warning, my dear boy, take warning. Let the sprightly epigram never lighten the long periods of your speech nor the Attic salt flavour the roast beef of your conversation. Be careful that your metaphors show no imagination and conceal your brains as you would a discreditable secret. Above all, if you have a sense of humour, crush it. Crush it.

Mereston

      My dear uncle, you move me very much. I will be as stupid as an owl.

Fouldes

      There's a good, brave boy.

Mereston

      I will be heavy and tedious.

Fouldes

      I see already the riband of the Garter adorning your shirt-front. Remember, there's no damned merit about that.

Mereston

      None shall listen to my speeches without falling into a profound sleep.

Fouldes

      [Seizing his hand.] The premiership itself is within your grasp.

Lady Mereston

      Dear Paradine, let us take a stroll on the terrace before we go to bed.

Fouldes

      And you shall softly whisper all the latest scandal in my ear.

[He puts on her cloak and they go out.Lady Frederick

      May I speak to you, Admiral?

Admiral

      Certainly, certainly. What can I do for you?

[While Lady Frederick and the Admiral talk, the others go slowly out. Through the conversation she uses her Irish brogue.Lady Frederick

      Are you in a good temper?

Admiral

      Fairly, fairly.

Lady Frederick

      I'm glad of that because I want to make you a proposal of marriage.

Admiral

      My dear Lady Frederick, you take me entirely by surprise.

Lady Frederick

      [Laughing.] Not on my own behalf, you know.

Admiral

      Oh, I see.

Lady Frederick

      The fact is, my brother Gerald has asked your daughter to marry him, and she has accepted.

Admiral

      Rose is a minx, Lady Frederick, and she's much too young to marry.

Lady Frederick

      Now don't fly into a passion. We're going to talk it over quite calmly.

Admiral

      I tell you I won't hear of it. The boy's penniless.

Lady Frederick

      That's why it's so lucky you're rich.

Admiral

      Eh?

Lady Frederick

      You've been talking of buying a place in Ireland. You couldn't want anything nicer than Gerald's – gravel soil, you know. And you simply dote on Elizabethan architecture.

Admiral

      I can't bear it.

Lady Frederick

      How fortunate, then, that the house was burnt down in the eighteenth century and rebuilt in the best Georgian style.

Admiral

      Ugh.

Lady Frederick

      And you'd love to have little grandsons to dandle on your knee.

Admiral

      How do I know they wouldn't be girls?

Lady Frederick

      Oh, it's most unusual in our family.

Admiral

      I tell you I won't hear of it.

Lady Frederick

      You know, it's not bad to have the oldest baronetcy in the country but one.

Admiral

      I suppose I shall have to pack Rose off to England.

Lady Frederick

      And break her heart?

Admiral

      Women's hearts are like old china, none the worse for a break or two.

Lady Frederick

      Did you ever know my husband, Admiral?

Admiral

      Yes.

Lady Frederick

      I was married to him at seventeen because my mother thought it a good match, and I was desperately in love with another man. Before we'd been married a fortnight he came home blind drunk, and I had never seen a drunken man before. Then I found out he was a confirmed tippler. I was so ashamed. If you only knew what my life was for the ten years I lived with him. I've done a lot of foolish things in my time, but, my God, I have suffered.

Admiral

      Yes, I know, I know.

Lady Frederick

      And believe me, when two young things love one another it's better to let them marry. Love is so very rare in this world. One really ought to make the most of it when it's there.

Admiral

      I'm very sorry, but I've made up my mind.

Lady Frederick

      Ah, but won't you alter it – like Nelson. Don't be hard on Rose. She's really in love with Gerald. Do give them a chance. Won't you? Ah, do – there's a dear.

Admiral

      I don't want to hurt your feelings, but Sir Gerald is about the most ineligible young man that I've ever come across.

Lady Frederick

      [Triumphantly.] There, I knew we should agree. That's precisely what I told him this morning.

Admiral

      I understand his place is heavily mortgaged.

Lady Frederick

      No one will lend a penny more on it. If they would Gerald would borrow it at once.

Admiral

      He's got nothing but his pay to live upon.

Lady Frederick

      And his tastes are very extravagant.

Admiral

      He's a gambler.

Lady Frederick

      Yes, but then he's so good looking.

Admiral

      Eh?

Lady Frederick

      I'm

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