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Fossils. Robert A. Webster
Читать онлайн.Название Fossils
Год выпуска 0
isbn 9788835418597
Автор произведения Robert A. Webster
Жанр Зарубежный юмор
Издательство Tektime S.r.l.s.
They felt worn out, aching in places that hadn’t hurt for many years. Elvin and Steve’s fingertips stung, Wayne’s wrists felt like lead, and Charles’s throat felt like he had gargled sand. They persisted, and with only a few days left, they ran through each song on their playlist. They finished their last song and smiled at one another.
“We’ve cracked it, we sound great,” said Steve, and the others smiled and nodded.
“It’s 8 o’clock, shall we ‘av a break and nip to the Pavilion for a pint,” said Elvin, looking at the welts on his fingertips.”
“Good idea,” said Charles sounding hoarse, “I’m parched.”
They went to the Pavilion, whistling and humming their tunes.
While drinking beer, Steve said, “I know we think we sound great, but I’d like another opinion,” he smirked. “I have a plan.” He leaned forward and announced, “Let’s put on a show at Fossdyke before we perform at the Wellow and get feedback from the wrinklies.”
The others frowned.
“Chewy won’t allow that,” said Wayne.
Steve smirked, “Leave her to me. I’ll call Lucy,” he said.
The others agreed if Steve could pull it off.
Steve called Lucy and told her about their impromptu gig, telling her it was important. Lucy had never heard her father play, but from reports she’d had from Mrs Chew, glad she hadn’t. However, Steve was insistent that she came along with Bernard, telling her that she was in for a big surprise, and they would arrange everything if she cleared it with Mrs Chew.
Although getting late, Lucy called Mrs Chew, who said that the band was a noisy, raucous bunch of old louts, whom the residents constantly complained about and still avoided the recreation room. However, Mrs Chew agreed when Lucy told her if that was the case, she would stop them from playing once and for all.
Elvin knew his children always made excuses why they were too busy to come; they seldom came to visit and when they did, the visits were brief. Charles still felt angry with his family after Mary's passing, so neither he nor Elvin contacted their families.
The four sat in silence around the table. They hardly touched their beer as they waited on tenterhooks for a phone call. They jumped when Steve’s phone rang.
He spoke to Lucy for several minutes, hung up, looked at the anticipation on the faces of his bandmates, grinned, and announced, “Right lads, we better get an early night, we have a busy day tomorrow, we have a concert to perform,” said Steve.
The next morning, Steve, Wayne, Elvin, and Charles placed several rows of chairs a short distance from the band's speakers, leaving floor space in front of their instruments. Unsure of how many would attend, they’d figured ten chairs should suffice.
Steve felt delighted that his daughter would come. He knew Lucy had a good sense of humour because she had married Bernard the Bonehead.
“Lucy will come to see us later, so let’s put on a good show,” said Steve looking proud.
Not wanting to strain themselves, they sat around their instruments and hummed the tunes, going over each song in their heads.
Later that morning, a signwriter came with vinyl letters for Wayne’s drum. After 30 minutes, ‘FOSSILS’ in black vinyl letters arched around the top of the bass drum skin.
The four stood and admired the work. They now felt like a band, albeit a wrinkly one. They nodded at one another.
After lunch, Mrs Chew came in, stomped over to the four, and with a stern look, announced, “Mr and Mrs Fossdyke will be here at 7 o’clock. Mr Chew and I will come to watch you make fools of yourselves, and then we can stop this music nonsense and everyone can get their recreation room back without you terrifying them.”
She then looked at Wayne’s drum and read out the vinyl print. “Fossils,” she groaned and sneered. “Dopey Old Codgers would be more fitting.”
She turned, strode out of the recreation room, and went into her office for a cigarette. She puffed away smiling. ‘Tomorrow we can be back to normal, and the other wrinklies would stop complaining. I’d better get the afternoon bingo organised.’ she thought and looked at her watch. ‘Arthur will be here soon and want a sub,’ she stubbed out her cigarette and left her office.
Arthur Chew, her husband, worked mornings cleaning the local council offices. Although seldom seen at Fossdyke because if he wasn’t at work, he frequented the local pubs and working men’s clubs, and an avid domino player. Arthur frequently popped into Fossdyke to get money off Hilda, as he was always skint and liked afternoon domino sessions at the British Legion club. He waited for his wife in her office.
Mrs Chew came in smiling. She lit a cigarette, gave Arthur £20, and told him, “Be home early, we have to come here tonight. I want to witness my problem old farts making fools of themselves and get banned from playing their racket here ever again.”
Mr Chew frowned and looked puzzled, so Mrs Chew explained, “I told you about those four old idiots playing their racket and upsetting everyone, especially the boss’s Dad, Steve.”
Arthur nodded, although he couldn’t remember because his wife constantly grumbled, so he seldom paid attention.
She told him, “They’ve got a stupid group called, Fossils. They’re playing at the Wellow tomorrow, but want to torture us first,” she sniggered, “but after tonight it will all be over.”
Arthur shrugged. He had seen flyers and posters in the British Legion about a band called Fossils playing at the Wellow on Friday, but nobody had ever heard of them. Smiling, he thought, ‘this could be fun, wait until I tell the lads down the legion that Fossils are a band of old codgers at Fossdyke on their last legs.’
He chuckled, kissed his smiling wife on the cheek, and left.
The four decided not to play their full playlist and chose four songs. Starting with, Life is Too Short to Be Sad, followed by the ballads, Vulnerable and Cry alone. They would finish with Rolling Thunder, a fast beat rock song.
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BERNARD AND LUCY ARRIVED at 7:00 pm and went into the recreation room accompanied by Mr and Mrs Chew. Lucy and Bernard went over to the four. She kissed her Dad and said hello to the others.
Several other residents saw the Fossdyke’s arrive, and, seeing them and the Chew’s going into the recreation room, they risked venturing in. A few brave old souls nervously sat down and waited to hear the music, hoping it would be a piano recital. However, they became unnerved when they saw Charles’s piano in the corner behind the four at thier instruments.
Steve glared at them, shook his hips, and curled his top lip.
Wayne counted them in and they played, Life is Too Short to Be Sad. When they finished, they went straight into the ballad, Vulnerable.
Fossils, engrossed in their song, did not see the shocked expressions on their audience faces. The melodic ballad made the hairs on the back of their necks stand on end. Bernard filmed the performance on his camcorder; flitting around the room, getting shots from various angles, imagining himself to be Steven Spielberg until Lucy motioned him to sit down.
Charles’s croaky, melancholy tenor voice echoed around the recreation room.
Pearl and Svend Neilsen, a lovely old couple in their eighties, went to the floor in front of the band and waltzed to the tune. Doreen and Stan Bullen, another loving elderly couple living at Fossdyke, joined in with a waltz. Other