Broken Reflections - Geneva Ayala

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aciryl

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       cuticles

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       nightmar3

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       imgarbagetoyou

       demise

       tormented

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       is astrology even real?

       self loathe

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      my past keeps screaming at me. it makes sure i don’t do anything but sleep. it always reminds me of the mistakes i’ve made and thrown in the ocean to drown deep. it keeps washing up shore and mentioning these white bars that’d keep me numb when life started stripping the happiness from me. i promise i don’t want to go back. the trees listen to my pain when i cry outside—it starts to rain. i don’t know where i’m going yet,—shit doesn’t feel the same. trying to figure out what life’s all about but i keep getting caught up in emotional droughts.

      if i fall would you be there to catch me? i’m playing hide-and-seek with the wolves. are you listening to me? where have you gone? i’ll write you a love note and leave it at the lake. promise me you’ll go look for it. there’s not much time left. have you been paying attention? don’t let them follow you home. in a world full of darkness you’ve managed to remain so pure. help me overcome my demons,—they’re unkind. you’re laughing but i don’t understand. what do you mean when you say you love me? am i the only one? do you like love? can you handle love? you have grown. i’m so proud of you. obsession is an understatement. i will never let go of your soft caress. i ask you not leave me or do me like the rest. keep me out of my head. make me feel love all over again. it’s beginning to get cold outside and the cold reminds me of you. i hope you’re safe where ever you are. i hope you’ve eaten something and slept. maybe because i want you to dream of me. do you remember my voice? i feel you when i sleep. i don’t want to fight anymore. take the razors away from me. watch me when i’m frantic. it feels like swallowing needles when i beg you to stay. in other words it hurts that i even have to ask you to stay. please break my heart another day.

      the other week when you said i mean the world to you did you mean it? i remember when you didn’t know how my love felt. now you’re looking for someone who understands, you. better than i could i assume. but you still call me. and i still answer. i was ready to keep you safe from the world. i want to be there. falling for your gaze every time. but darling, you know that once you’re gone you can’t come back, right? i can’t restrain you from an infatuation. i just hope you never forget me. you were there for me—you knew me. remember when i was the one you wondered about? and now you’re not here. roaming the streets at 3:00 a.m. to find you. isn’t it funny how things work? how life falls into place? talk to me, don’t leave me here wondering. hurting you was never my intention. i’ve wiped tears off your beautiful face, i was there for you. don’t worry, i remember every second of your love. i always wake up thinking you’re next to me.

      my side of the room is gloom and raw. guide me to the land where i can become whole. the blood is beginning to harden along my fingers. as my lungs collapse you pull me from the frozen halls of my mind. if the sun explodes and everything is red would you walk with me? i think of you often. we could lie together or go on an adventure. should i take my shoes off before we jump? the light is fading out. do you have anything you want to say before we do?

      i’ve been wandering through ruins all night searching for any evidence if you still love me. the second time i got lost was the hardest, i kept repeating to myself that this is what you wanted. i was left alone in the dark. i still hear your voice, except it’s more faint and my feet bleed when i follow the echoes it casts. we both promised that this would… last winter when you joked about driving us into the lake i laughed but i wish you did instead of hesitating nervously. yes, i would’ve been mad but only for a moment, see an unknown eternity is what we’re chasing. and with anyone else you’d never find such magic, it’d just be complacent. my cheeks stiffen from the tears as i stagger through what was once a civilization. i don’t want our love to disappear, i just don’t know how to save it.

      warm, streaks of red trickled down her arm onto the floor, it comforts thee. the fire in her eyes, resemble the rage she’s kept inside for years—it seems. forsake the emotion into a dark pit, never thought twice when she went to dismiss and cover up the pain.

      but each day it would rain, washing away all the dirt,—covering the resentment, the agony and the hurt. forgetting that she bared the blood marks on her shirt,—everyone still knew so what she had done didn’t work. all her efforts went down the drain, like the tears from her eyes, like the blood from her veins.

      she screams out into the night, every chance that she gets. always trying to hide, to run, to forget, ’cause every move that she makes she’ll inevitably regret.

      little deer lost in the woods,

      a fawn searching for warmth

      struggling without embrace,

      baby, don’t leave me for good

      my cheeks flushed a pale pink,

      what a feeling it was keeping

      you close to me initially,

      the sun would set before us

      and your eyes became black,

      pushing my last cigarette into the dirt

      i realized my heart was intact,

      as

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