Something Old, Something New - Darcie Boleyn

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rarely get together outside of school because neither of us has time but in work we’re as thick as thieves.

      ‘So good to see you! I relaxed… a bit,’ I say as I breathe in her distinctive and expensive perfume and admire her golden skin and glamorous highlighted hair. ‘But you look fabulous! How was your holiday?’

      She waves a hand dramatically, ‘Oh you know darling. Hot and sultry, just how I like my men.’

      We giggle like schoolgirls even though I’m almost forty and she’s in her mid-fifties. It’s also funny because Laura is happily married to Dean, and has been for the past ten years, so he’s the only man she has eyes for. They live comfortably, as she teaches and he has a successful career with a retail chain, and they’re devoted to each other.

      ‘Great to be back, eh?’ She gestures at the staffroom and I wrinkle my nose. It’s never great to be back, especially in January, but at least I get to catch up with her.

      We make coffees and find seats then exchange the usual pleasantries with other teachers and support staff. I like seeing how much healthier teachers are following a break but I also know you can guarantee that within two weeks, maximum, the rosy cheeks will have been replaced with pale gaunt ones and the sparkly eyes will be dull and dark-shadowed. It’s one of the saddest things about this profession. These apparently normal people can be reduced to ghoul-like creatures within just fourteen days because of the workload, the pressure to get that all-important C grade out of every pupil, and the daily grind of the job. No wonder recent trade union surveys claim that many teachers are thinking of leaving the job within the next few years.

      Just then, a loud throat clearing interrupts the murmur of sixty voices. All eyes turn to the towering form of our leader and we wait in silent, if slightly resentful, anticipation. I make an effort to unclench my teeth. It is too early in the term to be so tense.

      ‘Good morning everyone!’ she announces as she eyeballs us, checking that we are suitably attired, suitably awake and suitably humble. ‘Welcome back.’

      There are a few hesitant replies, so she tries again. ‘I said… Good morning, everyone!’ She flashes large, white teeth in an attempt at a smile and I know that if I was standing, I would have to fight the urge to take a step backwards. Grudgingly, like grumpy teenagers, we reply with forced gusto. ‘I hope that you all enjoyed Christmas and that you are ready to commence the spring term refreshed and raring to go.’ She grins again at the staff, daring anyone to show an ounce of dissension. We plaster on fake smiles and I even find myself nodding. I hate this side of me. I’m not a sycophant but I just want to stay below the radar. I have no desire to invite more scrutiny into my life, thank you very much, so going with the flow is much easier than trying to fight it. I guess I’ve always tried to stay below the radar, although not always successfully. After losing my father, I became an instant target for the school bullies and it took a lot of effort to keep my head down and my mouth shut. There were a few occasions when I almost lashed out and attacked my tormentors, but the thought of what my mother was going through always helped me to keep myself in check. The bullies soon tired of trying to get a rise out of me and found another more volatile target for their cruelty. I used to wonder if my dad was actually there somewhere, looking down at me, feeling guilty about what he’d done and about the after-effects of his actions. Would he have worried about what I’d have to go through, would it have changed what he did? I shake my head to dispel the unsettling thoughts.

      The head teacher seems placated and she launches into a monologue about termly plans, meetings, book scrutinies, lesson observations and pupil trails. It’s the same old story that every new term brings and I try to quell the fear that rises in my throat and threatens to choke me, or even worse, to draw attention to me by forcing me to projectile vomit across the staffroom. I can just picture the effect that would have on morning briefing; it would probably make the newsletter. English teacher Annie Thomas fired for defying the head! Because I do not doubt that this head teacher would see it as an act of defiance rather than as a bodily function that occurred as a result of work-related stress.

      I have to make an effort to stay upright in my seat as I listen to it all. I am so tired of the doubt, exhausted by the scrutiny of books, of lessons, of planning, and of me. I came into this job fifteen years ago and in that time it has changed so dramatically that I barely even recognise it any more. It was meant to be a stable job that I could fit around my child, then my children, one that would provide a good income and a pension whilst being sufficiently stimulating to maintain my enthusiasm.

      It has not been that for some years.

      The English syllabus, my own subject, changes almost annually as different levels of the educational hierarchy decide that specifications need tweaking and pupils need more – or less – challenge, but the end result is always the same. Teachers are to blame for our illiterate young. Teachers are to blame for our ill-mannered young. And teachers are to blame for… well… just about everything that can’t be blamed on doctors, nurses and the police. Perhaps the most bewildering thought is that I’m supposed to work until I’m sixty-eight if I want to get my full pension. I mean, that’s almost another thirty years! I’m burning out now and wonder how I’ll ever make it that far.

      As the head rounds up her speech, Laura gently pats my hand, dragging me back from my thoughts. ‘Ready?’

      I nod reluctantly. But as I am about to rise from my chair, the head teacher holds up a hand. ‘And finally… I would like to welcome two new members of staff who are joining us today. The first is Melody Cromwell. She is our new second in Mathematics. And the second is Phillip Brown, who is here to cover Miss Hillman’s long-term sick leave.’ She grimaces at the word sick and my stomach clenches. This senior manager, just three years older than me, who spent a mere six years in the classroom before beginning her ascent to the leadership team, loathes sickness. I fear for poor Miss Hillman, I really do, should she ever return.

      The new teachers, fresh meat for the predatory system, smile around at everyone with the confidence of the young and reckless. They do not yet know the truth about this world of red and green pens, this autocracy of deadlines, sleepless nights, irritable bowels and stomach ulcers. This is a world where frailty will lead to your destruction. The worst movie villain has nothing on our senior leadership team, where the trade union has been crushed and no one dares try to revive it.

      But the new teachers will know the truth… very soon…

      As I drain my coffee and place the mug next to the sink, the music from a well-known TV show plays through my head, and I almost laugh – almost – as I make my way to registration, imagining a giant finger jabbing at the newly qualified teachers. You’re hired… or… you’re fired…

      I wonder which is worse.

      ****

      The week passes in the usual blur of trying to pack too much in to too short a time and before I know it, Friday is upon me and I am teaching the last lesson. In spite of the exhaustion, I am always filled with jubilance during this lesson because it is the end of the week and the chance to breathe and relax, if just for a few hours, is in sight. This is week one of the timetable, so I have Year Ten, Set Three – persuasive writing. I have more chance of teaching Dragon how to bark I will survive in Spanish than I do of educating these teenagers about forms of writing, but I will try regardless.

      ‘So…’ I eye the young people – our future, our pride and our joy – as they sit facing me. Which is a good start. At least they’re actually sitting down and looking my way. I wonder if some of them are conserving energy before their Friday night drinking binge at the local park. I’m not being cynical, they openly brag about their plans to seek inebriation on Friday evenings—and sometimes during the week. One of the girls blows a pink bubble that pops and sticks to her lips and chin. I look away as she half-heartedly picks at the tacky mess, knowing that reprimanding her for chewing will only result in a debate I cannot win. ‘What makes a good piece of persuasive writing?’

      A few hands drift into the air but many of the pupils drop their gaze to the floor, praying that I will not ask them to contribute. I pick one of the raised hands. ‘Harry?’ I try not to

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