LITMIR.BIZ

       FOURTEEN

      Micah’s body went rigid. Sabina had a key. It was her apartment. She wouldn’t knock. Micah knew who it was and the thought of answering the door made her start to sweat. She could ignore it.

      “Micah?” He yelled through the door, confirming her suspicion. She remained frozen, hoping he would go away.

      “Micah, I know you’re in there. I saw your light on.”

      She could have left her light on. It didn’t mean she was here.

      “We need to talk. Please, just let me in.”

      Go away!

      “I can just talk through the door if you prefer. Not sure if your neighbors will be too happy about that, though.”

      Her neighbors would hate it. Besides, it was none of their business.

      “Micah, please. I need to talk to you. I need to see your face.”

      She couldn’t help herself, peeking through the door’s peephole. He looked the way she felt. He ran his hand through his hair, which looked as though it had seen better days. She rested her forehead on the cold door, letting out a deep breath she hadn’t been aware she was holding. She couldn’t face him. She just couldn’t do it.

      “I can hear you breathing and can see the shadow of your feet. Please. Just open the door.”

      Her hand rested on the cool metal of the doorknob. She couldn’t face him, but couldn’t help responding to him, either. “You weren’t supposed to get that.”

      “I gathered that much.”

      “I’m so sorry, Josh.”

      “Open the door, Micah. Sorry for what?”

      “For ruining everything. I’ve messed it all up.” She turned the knob and slowly opened the door, standing back to let him in.

      “Micah.” His eyes brimmed with pain and indecision. She knew whatever words came out of his mouth would hurt her. They would cut like a knife. Even her name on his lips sliced through her.

      “Don’t. Don’t say it.” She couldn’t bear to look into his eyes anymore. The words came out on a whisper, too difficult to say. “I don’t think I can handle it.”

      “It’s just that... Micah, I still see you as Drew’s. I think I’ll always see you that way...off-limits. He was one of my best friends. I have to honor his memory in this.”

      She spun at his words, a spark igniting within her. How dare he? She spoke through clenched teeth. “He’s gone, Josh. His claim on me died with him.”

      “But still—”

      She cut him off. He’d hear her out even if it was the last she ever said to him. “As my friend, do you really think that’s fair to me? To condemn me to a life of loneliness because once I belonged to someone who is now dead? Is that what you hope for me? Is that all you see happening in my future? Because I’m considered untouchable to you?”

      Micah walked to the window, her eyes unable to take anything in but the snowy-white abyss that lay beyond. Her tone softened after she took a deep, calming breath, her back to him. “Drew was my first love. That place in my heart will always belong to him. But what we had, although real, was nothing more than teenage love. Even if that accident hadn’t happened, I honestly don’t think we would have lasted much longer. No matter how much I have imagined it.”

      She pulled the edges of her robe tighter, needing its comfort and warmth. “For the last ten years, I’ve desperately held on to a memory, an idea. I fooled myself into believing that my life was pointless without him, that any hope of a happy future had died with him. But it was all lies that I told myself to put off the grieving process. I had become comfortable in my denial. It felt safer than the alternative, which was to put myself back out there, susceptible to heartbreak again. Sure, I went through the motions. I appeared to be normal, happy and healthy to the naked eye. But deep inside of me, hidden from sight, lay this ticking time bomb that just waited for the perfect moment to explode. That semblance of normal life blown to smithereens, leaving me wounded and gaping and empty.”

      Micah paused; silence echoed throughout the room. Josh hadn’t said a word, nor had he made a move. But she could feel his presence. Slowly she turned, looking him straight in the eye. “I’ve put him to rest. I’ve faced my inner demons head-on. I have fought my way through denial, depression, anger and bitterness. I have battled it out with the memories and ghosts that haunted me. And after I won, I locked the past away once and for all. I’ve finally found acceptance and peace and freedom. So don’t you dare tell me that I am still bound by a man long since dead! He’s controlled my life from the grave for far too long. But not anymore.”

      She took another deep breath. Her knees felt weak, but she ignored them, gathered her nerve and stood up straighter. He would not see an ounce of weakness in her. Not if she could do anything about it.

      “I survived Drew. I can

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