LITMIR.BIZ

       Chapter 4

      The family solicitor was almost as familiar to Harriet as Gwen. David Castle had been in and out of Meadowbrook for as long as she could remember. He was a few years younger than their father, still practising law, showing no signs of wanting to retire as he wore his customary pinstripe suit and silk tie. He had been at the funeral, of course, where they had greeted him like an uncle, but now he was there in an official capacity and suddenly everything felt serious. It wasn’t the money. None of them, as far as she knew, was desperate for money, or the house. Goodness knows, she had already been agonising about what they would do with Meadowbrook now. After all, it was their childhood home, the last place they had to remind them of both parents and it was her father’s pride and joy. If they had to sell it, it would be another step in saying goodbye. First was the death, then the funeral and now this. It was all taking their father further and further away from them. She couldn’t imagine not having Meadowbrook or another family living here, but then what choice did she have?

      They all sat awkwardly waiting for David to speak. Mark had wanted to join them, arguing that Pippa needed his support, but David told him that the strict instructions were that it was only the four of them with him in the room.

      ‘You all know that your father wasn’t always orthodox,’ David said, as he cleared his throat, tugged at his tie as he stood behind their father’s desk. They all nodded. ‘And although I told him it was probably a terrible idea, he wanted to make a video recording for you.’

      Harriet startled. She wasn’t sure how she felt about seeing her father’s face on a screen, or hearing his voice again.

      ‘You’re bloody kidding?’ Freddie asked.

      ‘No,’ David continued. ‘I’m afraid not. He wouldn’t be dissuaded. He said, and I quote, “I want to say goodbye to my children this way and I saw it in a film once.” And I also want to warn you that its contents aren’t exactly normal either. So, I shall play it for you. Are you ready?’

      The four siblings looked at each other. Harriet thought they most definitely weren’t ready. But they all stared at the TV screen on the wall of the study as David pressed a button on the remote control.

      After a while an ear appeared on screen.

      ‘Can you see me? Well can you?’ their father’s voice boomed. Harriet jumped. It was as if he was in the room with them.

      ‘Um, only your ear,’ Gwen’s voice replied.

      ‘Well move the bloody camera, Gwen,’ Andrew said and, after a few more swear words, his face appeared.

      ‘Oh my.’ Harriet took a sharp intake of breath. She saw his face every week on their Skype calls but seeing him on screen like this, knowing he was buried in the ground, threatened to derail her. For the first time since her father died, she felt tears burning behind her eyes. Pippa was already sobbing; Freddie had his arms around her. Gus was staring at the screen as if he couldn’t quite believe what he was seeing and Harriet, who was sat next to Gus, finally felt as if she might be able to cry.

      ‘Right, you all listen carefully now,’ Andrew continued in his loud, clear voice. ‘I’m sorry that I’m dead. I might be a lot older than I am in this video, but I’ve a feeling that I’m not. The doctor said my heart wasn’t the most stable and I knew that it might give out at any time. I could have maybe had some surgery but I didn’t want to do anything which didn’t come with a guarantee, and surgery didn’t. But living does, because living comes with the guarantee of death. So I chose that.’ He paused, turning his head. ‘Gwen, are you getting all this?’

      ‘Yes, Andrew, clear as a bell,’ Gwen’s voice replied. Goodness, it didn’t surprise Harriet that Gwen was her father’s partner in crime on this.

      So, her father shunned surgery, without even discussing it with them. That made her angry but also, it made sense. Her father hated illness, didn’t believe it in. As children, they had to be practically hospitalised to get a day off school.

      ‘Right, so I’m dead, and you’ve buried me now, so all that remains is for you to hear about my last will and testament. And I know, you’re not greedy children, but anyway I have money, and I’m dead, so I don’t need it and it has to go somewhere.’ He took another pause.

      ‘He looks as if he’s enjoying this,’ Freddie pointed out.

      ‘He certainly likes saying that he’s dead a lot,’ Harriet concurred.

      ‘It’s so strange,’ Gus said.

      ‘Daddy could be eccentric,’ Pippa pointed out.

      He started talking again and they all fell quiet.

      ‘So where was I? Ah yes, my last wishes. Well my dear friend David will have a copy for each of you, and as I don’t know what date it is – I mean, I know what date it is today, but I don’t know what date it is when you are watching this, then I cannot say for sure. Gwen, does this make sense?’

      ‘Not really, Andrew,’ again Gwen’s voice rang out.

      ‘OK, so this isn’t exactly my will, I’m not sure how legal a video recording would be, but the thing is that David will read you my final will and testament a year from the day when you are hearing this. To reiterate, this isn’t my will, it’s kind of a pre-will, and in a year’s time you’ll hear the final thing.’

      ‘What the hell?’ Gus said. The four siblings looked at each other aghast.

      ‘What the hell I hear you ask?’ Andrew continued. Harriet shivered, this was beyond bizarre. Seeing, hearing, her father like this, it was both comforting and uncomfortable. ‘Well, you see, my dear children, it’s like this. I might not have been the best father to you all. I tried, but after your mother died, as your only parent, I feel I was lacking. I tried to give you all you needed, or all I thought you needed, education, money, ambition and strength, but I’m not sure I was able to show you how important happiness was, because after I lost your mum I forgot how to be happy a lot of the time. I missed her, I missed her dreadfully, and when she died a part of me died with her, but I couldn’t fall apart, not properly, because I had you four.

      ‘I know I pushed you all to do well, I wanted you to be carbon copies of me, but only because that was all I knew how to do. And I think I made a mistake. I think your mother would have taught you to be who you wanted to be and I fear that I always tried to drive you to be who I wanted you to be. And at the same time I spoilt you all materially.’

      Harriet felt thick with emotion. Yes, her father had been a hard taskmaster but she loved him and it killed her – bad choice of words – that he felt he had failed them. Why hadn’t she ever told him that he hadn’t failed them? Now it was too late.

      ‘Now I am proud of each of you, I know you didn’t always think I was, and I know I didn’t say it enough, but I am. My only regret is that I didn’t try harder to keep us closer as a family. I let you go too easily.

      ‘Harriet, my darling firstborn, you are such a high-flyer and I couldn’t be prouder, but I wish I had tried to get you to visit me more. I would so have loved to see you in person and not just on the computer. Although it’s too late for regrets now I know that.’ He seemed to look right at her and Harriet felt sick.

      ‘And, Gus,’ he continued, ‘I didn’t support you enough with the divorce. I sometimes think that I only saw you because of Fleur and I adore my only granddaughter but I love my son too and I’m not sure I ever told or showed you that enough.’

      Harriet couldn’t look at Gus; she couldn’t bear to see the hurt on his face.

      ‘And also, Gus,’ their father continued, ‘I never let you be who you wanted to be. That is my biggest failing. One I wish to rectify now, but more of that later.

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