LITMIR.BIZ

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She felt like a mad woman but she knew that she had good reason to feel that way because this was complete madness. She couldn’t believe what she was seeing. It was incredible how much a person could fool you and she felt like the biggest fool of them all.

      All she’d wanted to do was get home, have a hot bath and then climb into bed and sleep the remainder of the day away, sleep until she felt better. Was that too much to ask? Was it really? Well, yes, in Neil’s world it had been, because obviously his girlfriend coming home early had been a complete inconvenience to him and his extra-curricular activities.

      ‘Babe, please …’ Neil stretched his arms towards her, his fingertips inches away from her skin.

      ‘Don’t you dare touch me!’ Laurie screeched, flinching out of his reach. The last thing she wanted was his slimy fingers on her skin. ‘And you!’ she spat, pointing at the red-head who was picking up items of clothing from off the bedroom floor. ‘You’d better hurry up before I drag you out myself.’ The red-head scurried out of the room with her head ducked low. Neil tugged a T-shirt over his head and glanced her way as he headed for the door. He didn’t try to plead his case again and she was glad of that. She didn’t need or want any excuses from him. She knew exactly what she’d seen.

      ***

      Some hours later, as the clock ticked just past two am, Laurie brought her knees up to her chest. Did anybody know how she truly felt? Surely there had to be someone out there who could see past it all? Or was she completely alone, with no one to turn to now? She could hardly share her feelings with Neil after finding him in bed with another woman. Perhaps a therapist was the best option after all. She wasn’t sure what was going to happen now, wasn’t sure of anything any more. She thought about the old saying, the one about the straw that broke the camel’s back … She exhaled a shaky breath and knew that this was that ‘broken back’ moment for her. Neil. Neil who she’d loved and trusted with everything she’d had. His cheating had been the last straw for her.

      She sat there in the silence, staring at nothing in particular. She was upset more than anything, now that she’d had time to think about it. Bloody Neil. Bloody red-head. Bloody life! She’d never felt more out of sorts. Nothing felt solid, concrete or constant. The silence of the apartment was becoming dizzyingly overwhelming, and with the wine that was flowing through her system she felt about ready to topple off the chair.

      As she delved further and further into her thoughts, she tried to think about whether there had been any signs that could have hinted towards Neil cheating on her. He was an accountant, he worked long hours, had a lot of meetings with clients etc. Was the red-head a client, Laurie wondered? How long had this ‘thing’ been going on for? Weeks? Months? Years? Did she even care? She wasn’t sure. She wasn’t sure of anything at that moment. After what she’d just found happening in her bedroom, the feeling she’d been battling with since Rosa’s death was stronger and more unavoidable than it had ever been before, and slowly but surely she was beginning to recognise it as the need to get away. As she sat there, the peculiar feeling rushing through her veins and curling around her every nerve-ending, she realised that that was exactly what it was. The need, a desperate urge, to get away from her life and have a break. She needed to take off the pressure that had been weighing down on her since before she could remember. She needed to go somewhere, far away from here, where she could collect herself and put herself back together. Without the help of her mother. Without the opinions of other people. For once, she needed to listen to what her heart was telling her, and for once she felt that it was the right thing to do. She had Rosa to thank for the sudden surge of courage, so she sent a silent prayer of thanks to her friend who’d made her realise just how precious life was.

      ***

      ‘Wait a minute, you want to leave?’ Brian stared down at the resignation on his desk which Laurie had placed there moments before. He looked genuinely horrified by it and didn’t seem to know what to do. ‘You’re leaving us? But … why?’

      Laurie had practised her speech throughout the early hours of the morning. She’d had no chance of sleeping so she’d written her resignation instead, and decided on what she was going to say to Brian. In the end, she’d decided to keep it simple and to the point. She had wondered if perhaps quitting her job was a bit over the top, but she hadn’t known what else to do. ‘Something’s happened, Brian, and I need some time away from here to sort myself out. There are things I need to figure out for myself. I need time away, time to pull myself back together. I’m sorry but I feel like I have no choice.’ Her eyes slid down to Brian’s cluttered desk. She fiddled with the cuff of her suit jacket and waited to hear what he’d say next.

      Brian adjusted his tie and wriggled about in his chair for a moment. His brows furrowed as he skimmed his eyes over the resignation yet again, unable to take it in. ‘What’s happened? Is there anything we can do here to help you at all?’ His expression was one of concern.

      ‘It’s just …’ She wasn’t sure whether to tell him the whole story or not. ‘You see, it’s Neil. There’s been … another woman I guess. Last night. It’s all very upsetting and I’d rather not go into great detail but …’

      Brian’s eyes closed momentarily and his head bowed. ‘Laurie, I’m so sorry.’ He placed the resignation back onto the desk and scrubbed a hand against his chin. ‘How awful. I don’t blame you at all for feeling this way, but do you really feel like quitting is the only option? There are other roads we can go down. Hang on.’ He pulled open one of the drawers and began to rifle through files and stapled-together sheets of paper. ‘Have you thought about taking a sabbatical rather than leaving for good?’ he asked with a raised brow. ‘It gives you the chance to go off for a while and do what you think needs to be done to help yourself, but you have the security of knowing you can return after the agreed amount of time …’ He trailed off and held out a leaflet towards her. ‘Unfortunately, we wouldn’t be able to continue to pay you during this time, but …’

      Laurie flicked through the leaflet quickly. The idea of taking a sabbatical hadn’t even crossed her mind until now, but it was comforting to know it was there as an option. ‘How long would I be able to take off?’ she asked.

      ‘How long do you think you’ll need?’

      Laurie thought quickly. ‘Six months?’

      Brian nodded slowly, thoughtfully. ‘I think that’s certainly do-able.’ He took a sip of coffee from the mug on his desk, then returned it to the coaster. ‘Given the circumstances, I’d like to offer you this option, Laurie. You’re a fantastic member of our team here at Howard & Bowe, I’d rather have you take the time off and return to us, rather than disappear completely.’

      Laurie nodded. She smiled gratefully. ‘Thank you, Brian. I think this is a good idea. I think I have enough saved up to get me by while I’m away. You’re sure six months is okay?’

      ‘I’m positive. Like I said, though, I’ll be unable to pay you during this six months, but if you’re sure that you can get by it shouldn’t be a problem. Six months from now would see you back here mid-January, in the New Year. Do you need time to consider, or are you happy for me to pass you the forms over now and arrange the meeting with HR?’

      ‘I’d be happy to have them now.’ Brian rifled through his drawers again, then handed over a wad of paper. ‘Thank you.’ Laurie sat back in the seat and studied them. ‘How soon can I go?’

      ‘Give me a day or two to get everything sorted HR wise? I’m aware you have a cluster of holidays built up and waiting to be used. If it takes any longer then I’m sure we can use a couple of those to hurry you along.’

      Laurie nodded. ‘That sounds great to me.’

      ‘Do you have somewhere to stay in the meantime?’

      The answer to that question was no. She didn’t want to remain in the apartment with Neil still there. It would be strange and upsetting. No, there was no way she could stay there. She’d have to pack up her stuff and find somewhere else until things work-wise were ready, then she’d head off. Away from London, away from Neil, away from work.

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