LITMIR.BIZ

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this awful sudden gush and then a crippling, bend-over pain and, terribly practical, Finn had helped her to her door, had taken her inside and had then called James. They’d never discussed it further—instead it had been a brief nod in passing and Ava had been grateful for that. Grateful now that Finn never stopped to ask when James was returning, or how she was getting on.

      No, they just shared the same brief nod and greeting.

      Grief recognising grief perhaps.

      Respecting it.

      Avoiding it.

      ‘I can’t believe we’re going to have to go through all this again.’ Evie broke into her thoughts. ‘I really don’t think he’ll consent to surgery a second time.’

      ‘Why did they cancel the operation?’ Ava asked. ‘I thought they had everyone on board, it’s been planned for weeks.’

      ‘This piece of equipment they need,’ Evie explained, ‘they’re having trouble calibrating it. There’s a technician coming over from America so it looks like it will be another week before the surgery can go ahead. They just can’t risk even a single mistake.’

      ‘What did he say when they told him?’

      ‘Not much—a few choice words and then he took out his drip, put on his suit, told me where to go, and not very nicely either, and now he’s back at work—he’s doing a ward round as we speak, no doubt chewing out everybody in his path. Ava …’ Evie’s eyes were anguished ‘… the thing is, with Finn and I, I know it’s very on-and-off, I know how appalling he can be, but in the last few days we’ve been close. Last night we …’ She let out a startled half-laugh. ‘I can’t believe I’m discussing this.’

      ‘You won’t make me blush,’ Ava said.

      ‘We had a really nice night.’ Evie was awkward. ‘I mean, it was really intimate, amazing. It wasn’t just sex, it was so tender, we were so close.’ Ava said nothing, reminded herself she was thinking as a friend, not a therapist, and she let Evie continue. ‘And now, just like that, he’s told me to get out, that he doesn’t want me around.’

      ‘Give him some time,’ Ava said. ‘He would have been building himself up for this surgery, and to have it cancelled at the last minute—’

      ‘But cancellations happen all the time and you don’t see couples breaking up over it,’ Evie interrupted. ‘He said that now he knows a bit how the patients feel when we cancel them at the last minute.’

      ‘Ooh, are we going to get a new, compassionate Finn?’ Ava was pleased to see Evie smile. A cheerful person, Ava found that a little dose of humour helped in most situations.

      Most, not all.

      ‘Finn compassionate?’ Evie rolled her eyes, and then sat quietly as she finished her drink. Ava sat in silence too, a comfortable silence that was perhaps needed by Evie before she headed back out there, but after a moment or two in their own worlds it was time to resume appearances, to play their parts. Evie drained her drink and stood. ‘Thanks so much, Ava.’

      ‘Any time,’ Ava said.

      ‘Oh.’ Evie suddenly remembered. ‘That gorgeous husband of yours comes back today, doesn’t he?’

      ‘This morning.’ Ava nodded. ‘He’s heading straight in to work. That’s James.’

      ‘Well, you can see him tonight,’ Evie said. ‘He’s the luckiest guy in the world, isn’t he? Married to a sex therapist …’

      Ava grinned. ‘Again, I’d be patronising you if I laughed, if you had any idea of the amount of times I hear that each day …’

      She was sick of hearing it.

      So too must James be.

      The assumption that they must have most amazing sex life and wonderful relationship was a pressure in itself. As if people thought her job followed her home, as if the smiling, cheerful, practical Ava, who was open to discuss everything, who managed to deal with the most sensitive subjects with barely a blink, translated to the Ava at home.

      Finn would never say such a thing, Ava thought as she saw Evie out.

      Or maybe he would, she mused—nervous, embarrassed, new to a wheelchair, maybe Finn would crack the same old jokes if she offered her help.

      She stood alone in her office and looked out the window at the glittering view and wondered if she could stand to leave it, not so much the view but her work here. She didn’t want to start over at another hospital or open a private practice. Because SHH was so cutting-edge she got the patients in her office that she was most interested in helping. It was no doubt the same reason James would remain here, but how hard would it be to work in the same hospital, to see your ex-husband most days?

      Ex-husband.

      There, she’d said it and she didn’t like how it sounded.

      More than that, she didn’t want to be James’s ex-wife.

      CHAPTER TWO

      ‘LOVELY flowers.’ Elise was a bit flustered but George was friendlier this time. ‘From your husband?’

      ‘They are.’ Ava smiled. ‘Come in, take a seat.’

      She had been seeing them for a few months now. For George and Elise it was a complicated process and not as simple as writing a prescription. George had been in an accident at work last year, an appalling accident where he’d seen a colleague die. It wasn’t just George’s physical injuries that had caused him pain. Over and over he had relived the moment of the accident and the depression and anxiety had been all-engulfing. He’d seen his GP but the medication for the depression had affected his libido, which had increased his anxiety, and by the time they had arrived at Ava’s, the pair had all but given up, not just on their sex life but on themselves.

      She was seeing them monthly as a couple and George was also having one-on-one counselling with Ava, but more about the accident and the flashbacks he was getting and his appalling guilt that the colleague who had died had been so much younger than him.

      ‘How have you two been?’ Ava asked.

      ‘We’re doing fine,’ George said, handing over a folder. ‘I’ve done my homework.’

      Ava grinned and checked off their sheets. Her methods were a bit flaky at times, and with some couples she made things a bit more fun. With George and Elise she had them playing Scrabble, taking walks, doing little quizzes to find out more about each other, just little things, and she looked through the sheets.

      ‘Elise?’ She saw the woman’s worried expression as she handed over a folder. She looked as if she was about to start to cry. ‘Elise, the homework’s for fun …’

      ‘It’s not that.’ She was really flustered, Ava realised. ‘You know you said we weren’t to …’ She could hardly say it.

      ‘I suggested that you didn’t try to have sex.’

      To take the pressure off George Ava had suggested a sex ban, kissing and holding hands only—which apparently they hadn’t done for decades.

      ‘Oh, we haven’t,’ Elise assured her.

      ‘Okay.’

      ‘We did get a bit carried away, though,’ George admitted.

      Quite a bit carried away, it turned out! By the time their hour was up, they were all smiling. ‘I’ll see you again next month and, George, you in two weeks,’ she said to the couple. ‘And follow the rules this time.’

      She grinned at her own success. Okay, they had a long way to go, but they were both determined to get there, and with a couple as lovely as them, they would, Ava was quite sure.

      ‘Ava?’ She heard a knock at the same time she heard her name, Elise and George had left the door open. She felt her stomach

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