Writing: B2+ - Els Geyte Van

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the writer does not address the audience. An improvement would be: ‘The future of the internet will be decided by the needs of its customers. One development is therefore likely to be service improvement.’ This takes out the question, the word ‘hope’, which is quite personal, and the need for ‘we’, which refers to internet customers.

       Secondly, we need to reduce the internet service access fees. Moreover, there are always technological developments in the pipeline.

      This follows on from the previous text about the internet, so we can avoid the ‘we’ by saying ‘Another customer requirement is a reduction in access fees.’ The second sentence contains an idiom, ‘in the pipeline’, which means ‘in the process of being completed, delivered, or produced’. Idioms are very rare in academic writing, and it is better if you don’t use them. The sentence could be improved as follows:

       ‘Technological advances can also be expected, as companies are always developing their systems in order to stay competitive.’

       Analysis of annual financial reports is an art, which involves many complexities. Even when they are looking at the same natural beauty, amateur painters and great masters will have completely different interpretations. Different people might obtain different conclusions when reading the same report.

      This student is using an analogy: financial analysis is compared to an art form with many complexities. It is not wrong to use an analogy, as it involves comparison, which is an academic skill. However, analogy and metaphor can be quite poetic in nature, in which case they are not academic. The student is going too far in the second sentence. An improvement would be: ‘The analysis of financial reports can be said to have more in common with art than with science, as it relies on interpretation and not just facts. This is why different analysts may reach different conclusions.’

      Конец ознакомительного фрагмента.

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