I Think My Dad Is a Spy - Sognia Vassallo

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my god, I know. I don’t know what was worse—banging into Mr McNabb or Janice telling the WHOLE WORLD my dad is a spy,” I said glaring at Janice.

      “Oh it was definitely when you slammed headfirst into Mr McNabb,” Janice pointed out ever so efficiently.

      My friends were both nodding in agreement reminding me of those silly bobble-head dolls. I was so upset with them that I didn’t bother to argue the point any further. Instead I walked off in the direction of my locker.

      “STOP THAT McCLAIN! PUT DOWN THAT BOY INSTANTLY!” bellowed Mr McNabb. His booming voice snapped me back into the horrible reality that was high school.

      McNabb was yelling at Michael McClain who was holding poor Dunstan Milfrey up by his underwear in what was suitably called a ‘Hanging Wedgie’.

      “IF YOU ENJOY HANGING AROUND WITH THE JUNIORS SO MUCH, I’M SURE WE COULD ARRANGE FOR YOU TO JOIN IN SOME OF THEIR CLASSES TODAY!” McNabb bellowed across the quadrangle.

      “No sir. I’m sorry sir,” Michael retorted as he quickly dropped Dunstan back on the ground.

      “What an idiot,” I said sadly shaking my head in shame.

      “Yeah, I agree,” said Theo.

      “Me too,” said Janice. “Soooooooo Sophie, what do you think about what I said earlier; you know about your dad?” Janice reminded me.

      She looked overly excited about her ridiculous theory.

      I was trying hard to ignore that she even mentioned the ‘my-father-is-a-spy-nonsense’ when all of a sudden I saw the Luna twins coming this way.

      “Good morning Mr McNabb,” sang Lulu and Lola as they stood blocking Mr McNabb’s path, causing him to come to an abrupt halt.

      “Oh, good morning girls,” he stammered as he desperately looked around for any type of distraction other than the identical twins standing before him.

      “Would you like us to carry anything to your office today?” the Luna twins chorused. Every word they said they sang together. They were so annoying it made me sick.

      “A-hem…no thank you girls…not today,” Mr McNabb said awkwardly as he tried to move past them. He stepped forward, sideways and backwards but the girls mirrored his actions and blocked his path. I felt kind of sorry for him as he looked extremely uncomfortable. I could tell by the dread in his eyes that he was desperate for someone, anyone, to rescue him.

      Suddenly my imagination began to drift off. I had another idea for a cartoon drawing; I was running towards the Loony twins waving my arms and shooing the horrible girls away like they were a pair of oversized seagulls. Squawk! Squawk! I laughed out loud.

      “Soph…Sophie? Sophie George are you even listening to me!” Janice barked.

      I didn’t realise she had even been speaking to me. I wanted to say, ‘yes, of course I heard you Janice’ but I didn’t want to lie. I was thinking of something to say when all of a sudden I saw Mrs Smith, the deputy principal, arrive on the scene.

      “This ought to be good,” I murmured, rubbing my hands together excitedly.

      “Yoo Hoo! Mr McNabb!” she screeched, “Do you have a moment?” She waddled briskly along the path, past the tall yellow rose bushes.

      Mrs Smith reminded me of one of those WWE wrestlers, like in wrestle-mania. She is quite short but very stocky and when she glares at you with her cold grey eyes it makes you weak in the knees.

      At the start of the year I drew a cartoon of Mrs Smith wrestling with Mr McNabb. Somebody most have got hold of it and photocopied about a million copies because by the end of the day nearly every student had a copy of the drawing.

      Thank goodness I didn’t sign my name on it but unfortunately Mr McNabb recognised my drawing style and I got detention for it anyway. Although he must have thought it was funny too because I saw him smile as he put a copy in his briefcase to take home.

      However today Mr McNabb was quite relieved to see Mrs Smith coming his way and happily waited for her to catch up. As soon as Mrs Smith joined him, she glared up at the twins and told them to shoo off and stop bothering the poor man.

      The girls were infuriated; they huffed loudly and stormed off with their noses high in the air. I made a mental note to myself to draw a cartoon of the ‘Loony twins’ as oversized seagulls being shooed away by Mrs Smith in her wrestle-mania costume. “He, he, he,” I tittered under my breath.

      I like drawing cartoons, writing stories and making short films because one day I am going to be a famous writer and movie producer. Last year in primary school I made a short film documentary about the people living in Orchard Mead. Mrs Bingle thought it was so good she entered it into a nationwide competition; I won first prize. A few people didn’t think I deserved to win because they said I had exploited them.

      Well all I can say is that the camera doesn’t lie. It wasn’t my fault that my hidden camera had caught Mr Hammond visiting Mrs Benning-Finlay’s office late one evening while her husband was out of town. But apparently it was my fault they got divorced because I left that scene in the movie! I only set up the camera in the first place because Mrs Benning-Finlay told me she suspected her secretary was stealing office supplies.

      Journal entry:

       Tuesday, 10:27pm

      During second period Mr Griggs told us to pair up because we were going to do a science experiment called the ‘Pop Test’. Janice pushed and shoved her way through the students who were busily squabbling amongst themselves to see who was going to pair up with whom and barged her way in between Theo and I with a mighty shove. She bowled him out of the way and declared me her new partner.

      “Hey that’s not fair!” Theo shouted from the laboratory floor.

      “Finders keepers, losers weepers,” Janice teased poking her tongue out.

      “NO PUSHING MISS VOYCE. IF YOU CAN’T PAIR UP PROPERLY WITH SOMEONE, I WILL FIND YOU A PARTNER!” scolded Mr Griggs eyeballing her from above his glasses.

      He never missed a trick old Mr Griggs and I suppose he had to be very vigilant trusting a bunch of teenagers with highly explosive and poisonous chemicals. I imagine it must be quite a stressful job.

      “Sorry sir, I didn’t mean to push. I meant to bump into Theo, I slipped,” Janice stuttered.

      “YOU DIDN’t SLIP AND THAT WASN’T A BUMP! YOU BULLDOZED INTO ME,” Theo scowled angrily.

      “Oh and you don’t need to find me a partner, I already have one—it’s Sophie,” Janice said ignoring Theo as she yanked me out from behind the desk as evidence.

      Theo gasped with outrage as he shot up off the floor and brushed himself off.

      I felt sorry for him, not just because his usual neat and carefully parted hair looked terribly scruffy, but because Theo was left without a partner.

      “Okay Miss Voyce,” said Mr Griggs. “But I don’t want to see pushing in my laboratory again, leave it for outside.”

      “HUH! THAT’S IT?!” Theo growled as he stomped his foot hard onto the floor in protest. Theo looked over at me with a ‘I-can’t-believe-that-Janice-got-away-with-it-look.”

      Neither Mr Griggs nor Janice took any notice of his tantrum. Janice was too busy fussing over the seating arrangements and I wondered who Mr Griggs would pair Theo with. I looked around the room to see if anyone else was without a partner. I was kind of hoping that because Janice’s regular lab partner Laurie Holmes wasn’t here today, that Theo could be a trio with us.

      “MR THEODORE RILEY COME OVER HERE PLEASE,” called Mr Griggs, snapping his fingers

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