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guide. Heck! I would have settled for a simple 30-minute advice session with anyone who’d been working for over a week.

      But you don’t always get that, and you’re thrown off the boat expected to swim. I’m going to make sure you do. I’m not going to let you sink, because I want you to succeed. I want young professionals everywhere to show anyone who’s ever doubted us that we know what we’re doing and we’re going to make a difference in this world.

      So I hope you enjoy the stories and the advice I’m about to share with you, and I wish you nothing but the best!

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       Talk to your boss about your career goals.

      Okay, so your boss obviously liked you during your interview. I mean, you’re starting a new job, right? So that means that your boss thought you were somewhat smarter and better than the other applicants. Your boss decided to give you a shot. They decided to hire you. That’s awesome! You know what your goal is now? Making sure that your boss likes you for more than five minutes. Best of luck with that!

      No but really, if your boss is a good boss, they’re going to want to get to know you a little, and while there’s no need to tell them that you occasionally spend your weekends upside down doing keg stands, it’s definitely the opportune moment to talk to them about your career goals. The truth is, your boss is either going to make you or break you. If your boss likes you, they’re going to give you new projects and they’re going to make it their mission to see that you grow professionally. If they don’t like you, eventually, you’ll end up quitting. That’s just how it goes.

      But since it’s day one, chances are you haven’t pissed them off yet and they still like you. Which also means that they might actually care about what you want to do with your life. So let your boss know, right now, where do you see yourself in a couple of years? What kinds of projects would you like to handle? What are you passionate about? What are you good at? If you share these things with your boss, your boss might be able to help you somewhere down the road. 5 months from now, there might be a project that requires graphic design, and if you’re good at that and you’ve made it known, they’re a lot more likely to connect the dots than if you’ve kept your hobby a secret.

      I have a rule. If I look at myself in the mirror and for even 3 milliseconds wonder whether or not my skirt is too short for work, I get my butt back into my room and change. I don’t care how cute it is. I don’t care how trendy it is. I don’t care how great my Instagram selfies would look wearing it. There is absolutely no room at work for questionable attire.

      Some offices expect you to show up to work in a suit and tie every single day. Others are a bit more casual. Every office is different. That’s something you’ll have to gauge for yourself upon arrival. However, there’s one thing they all have in common. No office wants their employees to look as if they’re ready to go out clubbing later that night. That much I can promise you.

      If I can see your bra, that’s a problem. If I can’t see your bra because you’re not wearing one, that’s even MORE of a problem. Six-inch platform heels are not appropriate. Neither are skirts that hug your butt so tightly that you can’t grab any extra fabric at your hips. Oh, and check the slits on your skirts, too! You might think your skirt’s okay for work. You might even do that thing where you place your arms at your sides to see if your fingertips reach the bottom of the skirt. That’s great! But if the slit on the back goes way up your butt, you really need to leave it for another occasion. Perhaps Halloween, the one night that it’s become socially acceptable to walk around half-naked. So yes, please do yourself and your co-workers a favor and watch your slits. I cannot even begin to tell you how many things I’ve seen via those slits that I definitely could have gone my whole life without seeing.

      Dressing professionally at work is non-negotiable. Sure, you can look chic and put-together and still rock the latest trend, but you can’t look like a stripper. I’m sorry, you just can’t. You should want to be taken seriously as a professional. You should want your boss and your clients to value your brain cells. You should want them to recognize you for your talents and your skillset, and they can’t really do that when they’re too busy looking down your shirt.

      If you want to succeed in your business, you have to know your business. Simple as that. Not just the textbook stuff, though. No, that stuff you’ve probably already learned in school (and forgotten at this point). But your industry changes every day. New stuff’s going on all the time, and new trends are always emerging. Better practices are constantly popping up, and the frontrunners in all industries often share their thoughts and ideas.

      You want to know that stuff. You want to stay current in your industry. You want to know what’s going on, and more importantly, where your industry is heading. That’s something that will set you apart big time. Most employees are comfortable doing their job day in and day out. They’ve been there 15 years and know what they need to do. They’re good at it, even. But that’s not enough anymore.

      The people and companies who succeed these days are the ones who can see where their industry will be 5 years from now. It’s the people who correctly anticipate the future that are most successful, and if you’re reading up on your industry all the time, chances are you’ll be a lot more in tune with the latest happenings than if you just go to work and do what you’re told. Besides, you want to be known as an industry expert. That’s how you move up in Corporate America. “Subject Matter Expert” is a new phrase that everyone’s throwing out there all the time. That’s what you want to be. That’s how you’ll get paid the big bucks, and honestly, you can’t live off of ramen forever!

      LOL. WTF. FTW! HIMYM. Basically, that’s how we communicate these days! We text and we Snapchat, and e-mail’s just that thing we use to get coupons from all the stores we shop at, forever tempted to buy more stuff.

      In the workplace, though, e-mail will likely be your primary method of communication. You’ll find that even people who sit right next to each other send e-mails instead of talking, something that I’ll never understand. Actually, I’m lying. I know why they do it. They send e-mails because e-mail’s the only way to cover your ass at work, something I’ll go over later. But anyway, if you want to survive in Corporate America, you need to know some basic e-mail etiquette rules so people don’t want to strangle you right off the bat. Here are some good starting points.

1.jpg Have an e-mail signature: there’s nothing more frustrating than receiving an e-mail from someone, wanting to give them a call to clarify something, and not being able to find their freaking phone number. I mean, if you’re looking to really get on someone’s shit list, don’t include a signature. But if you’d like to stay in their good graces, apply an e-mail signature to all your e-mails. It’s simple, really. Just your name and your phone number will suffice. Every office is different though, so you might want to check and see if there’s a standard e-mail signature you’re expected to have. Some people add their titles,

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