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How to be Heard. Julian Treasure
Читать онлайн.Название How to be Heard
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isbn 9781633536722
Автор произведения Julian Treasure
Издательство Ingram
Listening is an act of love, and like all acts of love it requires some work or it can succumb to atrophy.
In this book you’ll be learning some structures and exercises to help revitalise your listening in relationships, rebuilding and renewing intimacy.
LISTENING PERSUADES AND INSPIRES
When I started my first business in magazine publishing, our original advertising salesperson, John, was the polar opposite of the stereotyped loud, brash sales executive. He was so quiet that you could never hear his side of the phone conversation. He never stood on his chair, or did a countdown at the start of the day, or slapped himself in the face before a call. He had a gentle, quiet and polite nature; when he listened, you really felt heard. Despite the lack of fizz and buzz going down the phone line, people just seemed to love buying from him; his sales figures were amazing. He went on to launch a division, buy it out from us, and sell it for a large sum – all, I am sure, at well-modulated volume levels and with very attentive listening.
Ask any top-class salesperson what the most important part of a sales call is and they will almost certainly say: “Listening!”. We all know how irritating it is to have someone sell without listening. We feel disrespected because our needs are not being discovered or met. Listening is how a good seller can identify the problem, and tailor a solution to match it exactly; a call like that can come across as caring, helpful and kind, to the point where we feel grateful after buying whatever it is. That is a recipe for long-term repeat business.
As any parent knows, the need for persuasion is not restricted to selling. Whether the issue is a tantrum-throwing toddler or a recalcitrant teenager experimenting with booze or drugs, listening can be a transformative first step in persuading a child towards more productive behaviours. If we want our children to listen, we need to show them how, by listening to them.
Listening is the oil in the engine of inspiration. We can inspire people only when we know what they want – which means listening.
LISTENING IMPROVES HEALTH
We’ve seen how dramatically sound can affect our health and wellbeing. Developing a practice of consciously listening to the world around us is the only way to discern which sounds are health-giving, and which will make us sick. If we are conscious, we are in a position to take action, whether that’s moving our location or blocking the noise. Some of the exercises later in this book will help you to develop exactly these skills.
LISTENING EDUCATES
It’s said that the Greek philosopher and mathematician Pythagoras erected a screen in front of the teacher so that first-year students were not distracted by visual input and could listen properly to what they were being taught. Gradually over the years, the tables have been turned, and the written word has replaced aural teaching at the top of the table, to the point where we now speak of ‘book learning’.
Conscious listening is a wonderful tool for learning and for growth. As you’ll discover, we listen through a set of filters. Once you gain mastery of that process and control of your filters, you too can empty yourself of what you know (or perhaps what you think you know) and make room for plenty of fresh lessons!
The power of speaking
The human voice is the instrument we all play, but very few people have ever had any training in how to use it effectively. This is a complex, versatile and powerful skill and it is extraordinary that we don’t teach or test it in schools.
To paraphrase the old song, it is what you say and the way that you say it. Your voice is your breath projected into the world; it’s the only part of you that you can send forth outside of your own body
SPEAKING AND INSPIRATION
I live in Orkney, a set of islands off the north coast of Scotland that are liberally scattered with antiquities from prehistory. Possibly the most famous is Ring of Brodgar, a stone circle dating back to around 3,000 BC. Each of the 60 huge stones that originally formed the ring (27 are still standing) had to be dragged miles to the site before being erected, which must have taken incredible organisation and determination, not to mention teamwork, for these Neolithic people. Even with modern equipment this would be a major operation. These people had no power other than their own muscles; they worked of their own volition, unlike the slave labourers who built the pyramids. They must have been very highly motivated.
I often wonder who had the idea to create this seminal structure, which some scientists believe inspired all the stone circles in the UK, culminating in Stonehenge. Whoever it was must have been a potent speaker indeed, to inspire thousands to commit so much time and energy over many years to such a huge project.
Throughout human history, powerful speakers have inspired people to change their beliefs, create or destroy social systems, adopt personal lifestyles, follow religious or philosophical paths, take up arms and fight, form movements, work in teams – and build monuments. Innumerable great sporting performances have been triggered by an inspirational talk from a coach or captain.
If you want to make a difference in the world, you will most likely need to inspire others, and you may need to be a leader. Your voice is the most powerful tool you have for these things.
SPEAKING AND PERSUASION
Possibly the most famous and strongest form of vocal persuasion is hypnosis. You may have seen high-speed onstage hypnotism, where the hypnotist instantly induces trance states and the uses spoken suggestions to have people change their behaviour even after the trance ends. Strong suggestions made to the subconscious are not confined to the entertainment industry; hypnosis is now a widely acknowledged and relatively mainstream therapeutic tool, able (subject to an individual’s level of suggestibility) to reduce pain, help stop smoking and clear skin complaints, among other uses.
Persuasion in its widest context is critical in life. Many achievements are beyond the scope of one person acting alone, which means we very often need to persuade others to help us or join our team in order to achieve our goals.
The voice plays a key role in the process of persuasion – not only what we say but also how we say it. Some people struggle to have their voice heard, while others seem to carry natural authority. Stature and body language play a role, but the largest part of this authority derives from speaking, in which both content and delivery play their parts. We will cover both of these aspects of speaking intensively in this book with exercises and tips to help you gain power and authority in your speaking, allowing you to be more persuasive and achieve more of your goals by enrolling people in your passions.
SPEAKING AND HEALTH
If you’ve ever had the experience of not being listened to, not being able to make a dent in an argument, being disrespected, feeling invisible in a group, not being taken seriously, being talked over, being continually interrupted, or secretly crying out to be heard, then you know that the inability to express oneself clearly and powerfully is bad for you. It’s debilitating and frustrating to be ignored. It creates stress and anxiety if it continues or repeats in relationships – and it can eventually cause sickness or even violence. I suspect that at least some of the antisocial behaviour from young people in urban environments arises from this feeling of frustration: “Nobody’s listening to me, nobody cares, so why should I?”
If only we taught our children how to express themselves clearly and powerfully, how much less ill health, stress and violence would we see in the world?
SPEAKING STORIES
One of the most potent styles of speaking is storytelling. We all love a story: as soon as we hear the words, “Once upon a time…” our inner child wakes up; we metaphorically curl up and look forward to the wonders to come. For as long as language has existed, I’m willing to bet that people have told stories to share their day, keep alive the exploits of legendary heroes, pass on cultural traditions, or simply to soothe their children to sleep.
For