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      Shared meals can provide a sense of cohesion simply by bringing family members together. According to Drs. Jane Anderson and Den Trumbull, authors of the analysis, sitting down with each other at the end of the day allows families to reconnect, to communicate with one another, and to share values. Children like structure, and family meals help provide that. Dinnertime together is also a chance for children to observe how their parents interact and express emotions, and for the whole family to learn how to treat each other with respect. Teenagers who have more frequent meals with their families are more likely to report having positive relationships with them. Specifically, it doubles their chances of having “excellent relationships” with their fathers and with siblings.³⁰ According to one study, 71 percent of teens consider spending time with family members the best part of family meals.³¹ Family dinners are an opportunity for kids to see their parents make family time a priority and for parents to share their values over the dinner table. Since this is time for kids to be with their families and not their peers, no cellphones allowed!

       Take Family Vacations and Nurture Extended Family Relationships

      Family vacations can also be valuable in strengthening family relations, and Dr. Sax believes they should be done without friends tagging along. Expensive trips to faraway places aren’t necessary. Visit places such as historic sites and state and national parks and bring a picnic. In trying to connect your child to your culture and your values, it can help to live near extended family (if they share your values), so that other adults such as aunts, uncles, and grandparents can help offset peer influence. If that’s not possible, there are other ways to have extended family members be part of your children’s lives. Besides visiting them when possible, have your children use Skype and FaceTime to stay in touch and establish close relationships. Extended family members can become part of the authoritative community that children need, even from a distance.

       Build a Community

      Doherty writes about what author and fatherhood advocate James Levine and his wife did when their teenage daughter became a challenge. First, they arranged a meeting with the parents of their daughter’s five closest friends. “Jim reports the result was an amazingly effective parent support group that met three times a year through their daughters’ high school years. The group opened up channels of communication among the families, helped parents hold firm against sometimes unreasonable demands from their daughters, and helped their daughters resist unreasonable peer pressure.” Don’t go it alone! Seek out like-minded parents at church or at your children’s school for support.

       Expect Respect

      Don’t tolerate disrespect from your children. In Take Back Your Kids, Doherty advises parents to “challenge every disrespectful behavior — without exception — because that is the only way that the child will understand your expectations and the meaning of the behavior you want to extinguish.” Maintain your own emotional control: be calm and focused. He recommends cultivating a tone of voice that communicates your seriousness.

      It’s never too late for parents who want to stop the disrespect they’ve allowed to go unchecked. Doherty advises encouraging children to become allies in changing things. “Children are happier when they are consistently respectful to the most important adults in their lives,” he writes.³²

       Make a Family Mission Statement

      Dr. Thomas Lickona recommends making a family mission statement. If you want to be clear about the values you want to foster in your children and the kind of behavior you expect from them, write out a mission statement that explicitly spells that out. He suggests posting it where everyone can see it and refer to it. Dr. Lickona provides this example of one family’s mission statement:

      • We commit to being kind, honest and trustworthy, and fair.

      • We don’t lie, cheat, steal, or hurt someone on purpose.

      • We don’t whine, complain, or make excuses.

      • When we make a mistake, we make up for it, learn from it, and move on.

      • We work to keep our minds, bodies, and souls healthy, strong, and pure.

      • We commit to learning and growing in our faith through practice and trust in God’s goodness.

      • We live with an attitude of gratitude and joy.³³

       Have Family Meetings

      This is another suggestion straight from Dr. Lickona, who believes that having regular family meetings is one of the best ways to build a positive family culture. Such meetings can also be used to solve problems, resolve sibling issues, and discuss policy on matters such as screen time and chores. “It’s the time,” he writes, “when you are the most explicit about the kind of family you want to be.”³⁴ Dr. Lickona suggests starting with a half-hour meeting once a week and including popcorn or some kind of snack so it becomes something kids look forward to. Have one person speak at a time, with no interrupting, and focus on problem-solving instead of blame. It’s an opportunity for parents to share their values and for children to participate in solving problems.

      Chapter 2

       Schools

      When it comes to school, there are abundant opportunities for educators to encourage progressive attitudes and introduce concepts that are anathema to Christian parents. Much of this occurs in the context of sex education classes, which we will discuss in all its troubling detail in chapter four. Aside from those classes, schools are busily promoting the acceptance of gay lifestyles, so-called “samesex marriage,” and gender fluidity. These topics can easily be woven into regular classes without parental knowledge or consent.

      Long before same-sex marriage was legal in any state and years before Caitlyn Jenner was gracing magazine covers, my children’s school decided to put on an assembly for the elementary grades (kindergarten through fifth) called “Cootie Shots.” Billed as an anti-bullying program, it was in fact a series of skits intended to introduce concepts like same-sex marriage and transgenderism. The sketch called “In Mommy’s High Heels” speaks for itself. It was about a little boy who enjoyed dressing up like a girl.

      That was bad enough. But the skit that we found most objectionable was called “The Duke Who Outlawed Jelly Beans.” The story goes like this. After a young duke is temporarily put in charge of a kingdom, he first outlaws jelly beans. Next, he decrees that since he grew up with a mother and a father, that living arrangement will be the only one allowed. That puts at risk the boy who lives with his grandparents, the girl who lives only with her mother, and of course, the girl who lives with her two mommies. As my husband and I explained to the principal, the real message of the skit wasn’t that people shouldn’t be bullied — it was that all living arrangements are equal. A girl, for example, could easily take from it the message that when she has a child it won’t matter whether there’s a father in the picture. We cited the “Hardwired to Connect” study conducted by the YMCA of the USA, Dartmouth Medical School, and the Institute for American Values that recommended, among other things, that “we reevaluate our behavior and our dominant cultural values, and consider a range of changes in our laws and public policies, in order substantially to increase the proportion of U.S. children growing up with their two married parents.”³⁵

      Our stepping forward and speaking up was to no avail. The assembly went on as planned. But here’s the real kicker: The school did not intend for parents to know about the “Cootie Shots” assembly ahead of time. There was no announcement, no parental notification, no mention of it in any email blast. I happened to find out about it purely by accident and was able to inform a few like-minded friends. Thankfully we were able to have our kids skip it.

      Given the fact that so-called “same-sex marriage” is now enshrined in law and that transgenderism is on a similar path to forced-acceptance, parents with children in private secular and public schools will

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