LITMIR.BIZ

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turmoil.

      Taking a deep breath, she crossed the road safely and, once she was on the other side, glanced back over her shoulder to get another look at the driver, but the car had moved on.

      ‘Calm down,’ she told herself again. ‘You’ve got to calm down, otherwise you’ll have a heart attack before you reach thirty.’

      She took another deep breath and cursed herself silently, knowing that, on top of her problems at work, she was still shaken from the night before and what had happened with her boyfriend Matt. They’d been together for four years but, as far as Nina was concerned, it was over. She could still see his face now, ashen and furious, his eyes burning with anger as she’d told him how she felt and how she couldn’t go on in a relationship with him.

      ‘I won’t let you do this to me, Nina,’ he’d told her as she’d stood in his flat, desperate to leave.

      But the thing was, Nina wasn’t going to allow him to do—

      She paused. Allow him to do what? She didn’t have the words to explain it, even to herself. All she knew was that this man made her feel miserable. Perhaps it was a kind of abuse she experienced with him – an emotional abuse. One thing was for sure – he made her feel worthless and deeply unhappy by the things that he did and the things that he said to her. A romantic relationship wasn’t meant to be like that, was it? She was pretty sure that she was an average woman, without too many unrealistic expectations when it came to the opposite sex, but surely she should at least feel happy with her chosen partner and not live in dread of what he might do or say next.

      She swallowed hard as she remembered all the times he’d made her cry with his belittling comments. He always had to be in control of her – making her say and do things to please him, and she went along with it just to keep the peace and to placate him. But she’d been living a lie. For all those years, she’d been living a lie. Well, she’d finally vowed to herself that it was over and that she’d never let something like that happen to her again. Not ever. She was free from the hold he’d had over her, and she was going to put him out of her mind for good now. In fact, she’d rather not think about men at all at the moment. She had enough on her plate as it was.

      ‘Talk to Janey,’ Nina told herself, thinking of the dear friend she’d arranged to meet for lunch. Janey had an answer to every question and a solution to every problem. Walking through the main door of The Black Horse, she saw her perched on a barstool, and let out a loud sigh of relief.

      ‘Was that you being tooted at?’ Janey asked through a mouthful of salt and vinegar crisps.

      ‘Some idiot almost crashed at the traffic lights,’ Nina rolled her eyes, not wishing to acknowledge the fact that it had been her fault. ‘It’s been one of those days,’ she said, sitting down heavily on the barstool next to her friend.

      Janey stared at her with undisguised horror. ‘God, Nina! You could plant potatoes in that forehead of yours. Are you okay?’

      Nina gave a smile that only just began to unfurrow her brow. ‘Actually, it’s not just been one of those days – it’s been one of those months. Still, I shouldn’t be doing this, you know.’

      ‘Doing what exactly?’

      ‘Drinking during my lunch hour,’ she said with a little laugh.

      ‘Oh, it’s only one,’ Janey encouraged. ‘I’ve ordered our lunch to help soak it up, so it won’t do you any real harm. Anyway, you look as if you need it.’

      ‘I certainly do,’ Nina said, her eyes widening until she looked positively possum-like.

      ‘So, what is it? Why the phone call at that ungodly hour this morning?’

      ‘I’m so sorry about that,’ Nina said. ‘I just needed to see you today.’

      ‘You don’t have to apologise,’ Janey said sweetly. ‘I’m not blaming the bags under my eyes on you.’ Janey grinned but Nina didn’t respond. ‘Tell me,’ she prompted, obviously wondering what it was that had cost Nina her smile.

      Their drinks arrived and Nina took a sip of her white wine, letting the sweet liquid flow into her system, her bright eyes seeming to focus on something that wasn’t quite present.

      ‘I’ve broken up with Matt,’ she said at last.

      ‘What?’ Janey almost choked at the impact of her words.

      Nina shifted her weight on the stool. ‘It’s been building up for some time now and it just wasn’t working.’

      ‘Are you kidding? You two were brilliant together! Matt was – well, he was so charming and handsome and—’ Janey paused to find the right word, ‘perfect.’

      Nina visibly flinched. ‘No,’ she said quietly, ‘not perfect.’ For a moment, she thought of her first few magical dates with Matt, when he had completely swept her off her feet with his good looks, his wit and his charm. Like Janey, she’d sincerely thought he’d been perfect, but she soon realised that nobody was perfect and it had been only a few weeks later that she’d seen the true Matt.

      He’d been the sort of person who found it so easy to make friends because he had an uncanny ability to charm anybody he liked, but that charm would evaporate in private to reveal the real him – the cruel, controlling Matt that most of the world never saw.

      ‘Well, what then? Was he seeing someone else?’ Janey tucked a strand of blonde hair behind her ear and looked closely at her. ‘You two have been together for longer than I can remember. I think I’ve worked my way through half a dozen relationships in the time you’ve been a couple and I always thought—’ she paused.

      ‘What?’ Nina asked softly.

      ‘I don’t know,’ Janey said, a wistful expression on her face, ‘just that I’d be throwing confetti over the pair of you before too long.’

      Nina suddenly felt guilty for never having confided in her friend before, and suddenly wondered why that was. But, deep down, she knew why she’d kept quiet – because she’d blamed herself for the problems with Matt and had stupidly gone on believing that things would get better. Only they hadn’t, and she’d finally realised that she had to put a stop to things.

      Nina blinked hard, trying to prevent her tears from spilling. She’d promised herself that she wasn’t going to cry because she’d wanted this to happen; she’d made it happen by instigating the break-up with Matt, and yet the huge swelling of unhappiness that filled her shocked her to the core.

      ‘Do you mind if we change the subject?’ She looked at Janey and, for a moment, neither said anything.

      ‘Okay,’ Janey whispered, sensing her friend’s discomfort. ‘But that’s not all that’s bugging you, is it?’

      Nina shook her head. ‘Like I said last night – my whole life’s a mess.’

      ‘Come on then – let’s hear it,’ Janey took a sip of wine, as if she needed fortifying before hearing Nina’s next confession.

      ‘Work,’ Nina said, making the word sound as if it were some newly discovered disease.

      ‘Well, that makes a change,’ Janey said with a tut.

      ‘I nearly walked out this morning,’ Nina confessed, closing her eyes and reliving the nightmare again.

      ‘Why didn’t you, then?’ Janey asked, having long been aware of Nina’s ability to aspire to something rather than to act.

      ‘But where would I walk to?’

      ‘God – you’re always so practical!’ Janey chided. ‘You spend far too much time thinking, and not enough time doing. Sometimes you should just go for it.’

      Nina sighed. ‘That’s easy for you to say. You’ve got a great job. But not everyone’s dad owns a travel agency and sends his daughter to Greece every other week.’

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