LITMIR.BIZ

Скачать книгу

a bottle of wine for two uber-cool girls in jumpsuits, who are laughing at something he has just said. Wowsers, how does he do it?

      ‘You’ll be waiting a long time,’ says Luke.

      Before we leave, I walk back into The Cow to go to the bathroom in the basement. On my way back up the stairs, Skinny Jeans is coming down. We do a polite little side-step-side-step dance, and I smirk and head past him without saying anything.

      ‘What . . . that’s it? No conversation? After all we’ve been through?’ he says, and we pause on the same step.

      ‘Oh, did I hurt your feelings? I am sorry,’ I say. ‘What would you like to discuss?’

      He chuckles and looks me right in the eye. ‘Your phone number.’

      High five! Robert really is good at this. Looks like someone isn’t failing at being single after all. (That someone is ME. In case you’re wondering.)

      ‘I’m Mark, by the way,’ he says. ‘Abigail,’ I nod. You don’t look like a Mark, I think. I’m going to call you Skinny Jeans.

      At home, I potter around for a while, remembering to drink water and eat crumpets to soak up the booze. I try to read in bed, but almost immediately fall into a slumber with Jilly Cooper’s Polo open on my chest. When I wake up it is midnight, and I can hear voices downstairs. I wake up long enough to focus on them. It’s Robert and a girl. Good for him, I think to myself, then turn off my light and fall back to sleep.

       Chapter Six

      I’m finally embarking on my second-ever date. YES! I know. I’m happy for me, too. I’m not quite as nervous as I was last week. You can tell I’m not as nervous tonight, right? I had a mini confidence crash earlier, but I closed my eyes and took deep breaths till it passed. I just have to fake it, that’s what Robert said. Fake it till you feel it.

      It’s Josh from HR, the guy I met when I was out with Henry and Plum on Saturday night. We’re meeting at the Albannach bar, just off Trafalgar Square, for a couple of drinks. Robert recommended I make it drinks, not dinner, as it saves time if you decide you don’t like them. If you like them, you can do dinner on date two. I shared that piece of genius with Plum.

      ‘But that makes the date so much shorter, so they have less time to get to know you and decide they like you!’ she exclaimed in dismay.

      I thought for a second, and replied, ‘Shouldn’t you be deciding if you like them, not the other way around?’

      Silence.

      Perhaps I’m wrong. As previously established, I don’t have much ‘experience’ or ‘confidence’ in dating. (Harrumph.) Plum is seeing the guy she met at The Westbourne tomorrow night, by the way. And no, I haven’t heard from Skinny Jeans guy yet.

      I’m early, so I sit in Trafalgar Square for a little while and text people. To Sophie: Yes to shopping on Saturday. How was the wedding place?

      To Henry: Remember to chew.

      To Plum: Any news from Westbourne Guy? Thank you for clothes help.

      Plum helped me work out what to wear tonight over a series of long, highly specific emails today. The result – a pretty, pale pink mini-dress with brown platform sandals – feels both comfortable and confidence-boosting. ‘Pretty with a punch, in the form of the unexpectedly chunky sandals,’ said Plum. I think that might be my special flavour. Pretty With A Punch. Hell yeah, I speak style.

      I wait for a few minutes, but no one texts right back. I’ll take out my powder and check my make-up. Yes, good: smokey eye, nude lip gloss, check teeth, yes, good, fine. Right. Time to go . . .

      Boom! In a split-second, my stomach goes from mild nerves to hyperactive butterflies – no, that’s far too pretty for how it actually feels. My stomach is moths. Flappy, molty-winged moths. Deep breaths, Abigail. You can do this. It’s just a date. You won’t mess it up this time.

      Oh God, I think I’m sweating again.

      Text! From . . . oh, Robert.

      From Robert: You left your keys here.

      I check my bag to make sure. Yep. No keys. Shit.

      To Robert: Oops. Are you at home all night?

      From Robert: At The Engineer for a few drinks. Call in on your way home.

      How does he know I won’t be on this date till past midnight, I think. Josh From HR could be my soulmate, for all he knows.

      Ooh, another text.

      From Robert: Unless Josh From HR is your soulmate, of course.

      Bastard.

      To Robert: OK. Thanks. I’ll call you later . . . ps any advice for me, o dating sage?

      From Robert: Act like you don’t care.

      His tips are getting annoying. Isn’t that kind of the same as ‘act detached’, anyway? I check my watch. It’s 8 pm! I’m going to be a few minutes late. What a novelty. Time to go.

      The Albannach is a dark, masculine bar, with deer antlers on the wall giving it a slightly creepy look, and it’s full of business types having a post-work drink. I hope Josh sees me before I see him. I was tipsy when I met him last weekend, and yes of course I remember what he looks like but, well, I don’t want to have to gaze into the face of every man between 25 and 40 to make sure . . .

      ‘Abigail,’ says a voice behind me, and I turn around with a smile. It’s Josh. Slim build, slightly oversized pink shirt that gapes around the collar, pukish-taupe tie, little wire-rimmed glasses.

      ‘Josh!’ I say, and we kiss hello. No aftershave. Cheeks very warm.

      ‘I got us seats over here,’ he says. Following him, I look down and see that his trousers are about three inches too short. ‘Want to look at the drinks menu?’ he says, handing it over. He’s drinking a pint of beer.

      ‘Sure thing,’ I reply easily.

      My nerves disappeared the moment I saw him. I can’t believe I snogged him . . . He’s not quite how I remembered, ahem. I’m not sure he’s much more than 25 and he looks even younger. I study the cocktail menu for a few seconds, and automatically start reading the names aloud thoughtfully à la Bam-Bou.

      ‘Pea—’

      I stop.

      ‘I’ll have a Pear Sour, I think,’ I say. He smiles back and I realise that he has no intention of going to the bar for me. Of course! HR. Equal opportunity. ‘Back in a sec,’ I say, and walk up to the bar. What an awkward start.

      I get back to find him absent-mindedly squeezing something on the back of his neck.

      ‘I’m back,’ I say, slightly pointlessly.

      ‘Did you have any trouble getting here?’ he says quickly, taking a large sip of his beer and spilling a little on his tie.

      ‘Um, no,’ I say. ‘Did you?’

      ‘I did,’ he says earnestly. ‘I thought Trafalgar Square was near Leicester Square and, well, you can imagine!’

      It is near Leicester Square, I think, but don’t say anything. It’s not nice to make someone feel stupid. Even if they might be stupid. (Is he stupid?) Instead I smile. ‘Central London is designed to confuse. Perhaps next time you should bring a compass and some sandwiches in case you get lost.’

      Josh From HR continues, completely missing the compass/ sandwiches thing. ‘I know! I hate it! I never come here if I can help it. I never leave Wandsworth if I can help it, actually, except to go to work.’

      ‘Wandsworth is delightful,’ I agree, as it seems like something to say, though actually I have never been there. And why live in London if you hate the place? Move somewhere else. It’ll bring rent prices down for the rest of

Скачать книгу