LITMIR.BIZ

      Me and my boy on the beach, Bahamas, 2006. We’d not been together for long, but I knew Jack was special.

      10th September 2008

      The boys go to their dad’s today. I explained to them first that I need to go into hospital so that the tadpoles in my tummy can be put to sleep. In my book they are far too young to know what the word ‘cancer’ means and there is no need to tell them.

      I am planning to go and see Jack in prison later because I need a cuddle with him before the operation. I can’t wait to touch him and see him again. I know he’s very worried about me and looking forward to seeing me too.

      Then just after lunch I got the worst news: Jack is being moved to a different prison so I can’t go today. I had no idea this was going to happen. My whole world just seemed to stop when I found out. I so badly needed to see him. Why isn’t he here?

      I sat and watched TV all evening, depressed and upset but trying not to think about it. I keep smiling and putting on a brave face.

      I said on camera, for my Living TV show, that people must think I am not taking this seriously as I laugh and joke about it all the time. But no one is taking it more seriously than me. I’m the mum of two small boys, for god’s sake.