LITMIR.BIZ

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Alaina insisted.

      Not facing her, I waved off her concern.

      LaToya, one of the agency’s administrative assistants, placed her palm on my forehead. “Oh, hell. She’s warm. And look at her eyes…they’re glazing over. I think she’s gonna pass out. Will, go get a damp cloth!”

      I pushed LaToya’s hand away and got to my feet. “I’m not dehydrated, I don’t have a fever and I sure as hell am not about to pass out. I’m perfectly okay.” I glanced around the conference room at my colleagues. “Please stop treating me like I’m an invalid.”

      Alaina shot me a look of grave concern. “Honey, your fiancé is dead. How can you be okay?”

      “You heard the newscast. He was found in bed with another woman,” I said casually, adding a nonchalant shrug. “I guess he got what he deserved.”

      “Got what he deserved?” Alaina repeated, aghast. “And yesterday, you were showing me travel brochures, telling me where you want to go on your dream honeymoon.” She shook her head. “Girl, don’t pretend this news isn’t devastating.”

      “I’m shocked, yes,” I said, again trying to feign a calmness I didn’t feel. “But I’m trying to put things in perspective. Eli was screwing someone else. That makes him a lowdown dirty dawg if ever there was one. And one thing I can’t stand is a cheating man. Trust me, I’m thanking my lucky stars that I didn’t walk down the—”

      I couldn’t get my words out before I burst into tears.

      “Oh, sweetie.” Alaina wrapped me in a hug.

      With her hugging me and stroking my hair, I allowed myself a total meltdown. The love of my life was dead, as were all our dreams for the future.

      And Rayna…my God, how was I going to explain this to my baby?

      “Seriously,” I heard Debbie say behind me. “You need to go home. Be with your daughter.”

      “Home…Oh my God,” I croaked.

      Everyone in the room must have picked up on the alarm in my voice, because there was a chorus of questions.

      Pulling out of Alaina’s arms, I glanced around and studied the crowd. I think every single person from the agency was in the conference room at that moment, and as much as I appreciated the concern of my true friends, I didn’t want to be the day’s gossip for the curious.

      “Alaina,” I began quietly. “Get these people out of here, please. I need to talk to you and Debbie.”

      Debbie must have heard me, because before Alaina could approach her, she immediately turned off the television, then began to speak in her I’m-the-boss tone. “All right, everyone. Show’s over. We have a business to run here. Back to your desks.”

      When Debbie spoke, people listened. She was that kind of boss. My coworkers started for the conference room door, some more slowly than others, all glancing back over their shoulders to shoot looks of pity at me.

      Will appeared holding a wet cloth, and glanced around in confusion as people moved past him.

      “Will, back to work,” Debbie told him. Not saying a word, he raised the cloth, and she continued. “Forget the wet rag. Just get back to work!”

      Will knew better than to piss Debbie off, so he whirled around and disappeared. With him gone, she shut the conference room door to give us some privacy.

      “What is it, honey?” she asked when she reached my side again. Debbie, though she could be a total bitch when necessary, did have a soft side for the people she liked. “You sort of freaked out when I said you should go home.”

      My stomach tightened with the reality that, because Eli was dead, so much in my life would change. “The condo…we’ve got a mortgage. With Eli gone, I can’t afford the payments—not on my own.”

      The thought of having to move had me on the verge of hyperventilating. Only three months earlier, Eli and I had purchased the gorgeous apartment in the heart of Miami Beach. It was a place that both Rayna and I loved, in a location that was ideal.

      “If I can’t afford the payments, I’m going to have to move,” I moaned. “And I don’t want to leave South Beach! I can’t move to…to Kendall!”

      “What’s wrong with Kendall?” Alaina asked, sounding a tad defensive. “It’s quiet, beautiful, a great place to raise a family. Not everyone can live on South Beach.”

      “Alaina,” Debbie began, “don’t take everything so personally. We know Kendall is a beautiful place. It’s just that if it were any farther west, it’d be in Naples.”

      Despite my misery, I cracked a smile at Alaina’s shocked look. If there was one topic that got Alaina riled, it was the subject of Kendall being too far from the center of Miami.

      “I love Kendall,” I said, then misery gripped me again. “But my perfect sister and her perfect family live there. I’ll lose my mind if I have to move in with them. And I love the penthouse Eli and I bought. But I wouldn’t be there if it weren’t for Eli. I’ll have to move, and Rayna…how many changes does my little girl have to deal with in her short life? Carla’s been the best babysitter ever. And Eli…” My voice cracked, forcing me to finally slow my rant. “She loved Eli so much.”

      “And now we know that Eli was a no-good piece of shit,” Debbie said frankly. “However, let’s hope he had the good sense to have a will written.”

      “Yes!” Alaina exclaimed, excited. “He played for the Braves. He’s got to have a will. And I’m sure he’ll have left you enough money to pay off the mortgage.”

      My heart lifted with hope. “Lord, I hope so. But he hasn’t played in seven years. We never really discussed it, but I don’t think he’s got millions in the bank anymore.” I caught myself talking about him in the present tense, as though he were still alive, and my stomach tightened with the sickest of feelings. I wondered when I’d ever get used to referring to him in the past tense.

      “And life insurance,” Alaina continued. “He must have had life insurance.”

      “Forget life insurance,” Debbie said. “At the very least, you both must have gotten mortgage insurance from the bank. In the event that one of you dies, the mortgage should be paid off.”

      I heard what Debbie and Alaina were saying, but my brain—and my heart—were stuck on the reality that I’d have to refer to Eli in the past tense.

      Dead. Gone. Was my fiancé.

      Killed while screwing his lover.

      A tear rolled down my cheek, and both Debbie and Alaina stopped talking. “I can’t believe he was cheating on me,” I said as they stared at me. “I can’t believe he’s dead. I can hardly fathom this. What do I tell my daughter?”

      “I don’t know,” Debbie admitted, her shoulders drooping. “I really don’t.”

      “You’ve talked to her about heaven, haven’t you?” Alaina asked. “When my kids’ hamster died, I told them that he’d gone to hamster heaven, where he was running to his heart’s content. That brought them a sense of peace.”

      I didn’t see how the fate of a family pet could even compare to the death of a father, but didn’t say so. Instead I said, “No, I haven’t talked to Rayna about heaven. I figured she’s a little young to understand the concept.”

      For several moments, no one spoke. What was there to say? Eli was dead, and nothing either of them said would make that reality any easier to deal with.

      “I know I need you here,” Debbie said, breaking the silence, “but you go on home. I meant it when I said you could take as much time as you need. Paid leave, of course.”

      I sighed. The idea of going home frightened me more than staying at the office. Going home meant I’d have to deal

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