LITMIR.BIZ

       But I could only make seven words out of that word you gave me. The ones I didn’t get were: ire, rue, rein, sue, rinse. I asked Mum if she could do it and she got the same as you! She says you must be very good at English. I am afraid you will think I am rather ignorant as I had never heard of the word ire! Please don’t be shocked. I have heard of it now and I will remember it.

       Mum told me what it meant. She said it is another word for RAGE, which is what I felt last week at school when a stupid boy called Rory McArthur bashed out at another boy (Kevin Halliwell, who is his Dire Enemy) and got my friend Yasmin instead. He got her on the ear and made her cry. I know he wasn’t aiming at her, but I still felt ire. He is such a clumsy boy, and so aggressive. Poor Yasmin had to go to the rest room and lie down. Rory got a good telling off. But he will just go and do it over again. There is nothing that can stop him. He and Kevin have this hate thing, and anyone that gets in the way, well that is just too bad. BOYS. puke!

       We are on half-term! Are you? If so, are you doing anything exciting? I am just staying home with Mum but we are playing lots of games and having fun.

       Oh, you asked me about e-mails! I am afraid we do not have a computer. I am really sorry about this, Mum says we will have to get one some time but not just yet as she has too many bills to pay. I expect Arthur would get one for us if Mum told him I wanted one, but Mum always says she is not going to SPONGE. In other words, we must make do and be independent. I know she is right and I am not complaining. But meanwhile we will have to be pen pals by snail mail, if this is all right with you?

       I hope you will not mind. There are a lot of things that other people have that we do not. For instance, a video. For instance, a microwave. For instance, a dishwasher. A girl at school called Carrie Francis once asked me how we survive. She says it must be like living in the 1940s house that they showed last year on TV Did you watch it? I was like GLUED to the set, it was so fascinating. Seeing how people lived! But Carrie is just stupid to say that me and Mum live like that. We don’t! We have central heating and a television and a washing machine, just like everyone else. We are not primitive! That girl really gets on my nerves at times.

       Now for the exciting bit! I have been keeping it till last. THE PARTY!

       It was the hugest fun! It was held in a hall, and there was this DJ called Ryan who organised everything and did Prince Charles impressions. He looked just like him! It was really funny.

       There were thirty of us in all. NO BOYS. Carrie Francis arrived wearing a tall white floppy hat with asmile on it. She kept batting her eyelashes at the DJ, trying to make him fancy her. (Which he clearly didn’t!) Susanna, the one that was having the party, said she was way over the top. In the end Susanna’s mum had to step in and tell her to calm down.

       You will want to know what we did. Well, we danced a lot! The bands we danced to were S Club 7 and Steps. (Two of my favourites!) He also played “Sex Bomb” by Tom Jones, which Susanna’s dad didn’t approve of! Susanna says he is not very cool. But anyway there was nothing he could do to stop it!

       As well as dancing there were also lots of songs that you do the actions to, such as “Superman” and “Macarena” by Los Delrio. We also had a limbo contest using the DJ’s microphone stand, plus a game where there were three teams and we had to pass a balloon over, then under, from person to person. Phew! I think that DJ wanted to tire us out. Which if he did he certainly managed it, as by the end even Carrie Francis had stopped batting her eyelashes. Oh, and her tall floppy hat wasn’t tall any more! She took it off and put it on a chair while we were doing the limbo and a girl called Abbie that is rather BIG, went and sat on it and squashed it flat. So now it was a squashed floppy hat! It looked ridiculous. Well, it looked ridiculous to begin with, but after Abbie had sat on it it looked even more ridiculous. I expect it was a bit mean of me but when I told Mum about it afterwards I giggled. I said, “It looked like a hat that’s had too much to drink!” But it serves her right for saying me and Mum live like they did in the 1940s.

       Anyway, that is all about the party. I hope you enjoyed it. Now I want to hear about your visit to the British Museum! And see how quickly you can get into my maze.

       Loadsa luv, Katie.

       PS Here is another joke.

       What do sea monsters eat?

       Fish and ships!

       Ho ho!

       Hi, Katie!

       You sound like you had really good fun at the party! My friend Sarah had a DJ last year but I don’t think it was the same one. I cannot remember his name, but he didn’t look like Prince Charles! I would remember if he had.

       Our visit to the British Museum was totally brilliant! We saw all these ancient old mummies wrapped up in bandages. Quite s-s-s-Scary! But very interesting, of course. Now we have to write our mummy stories. Lily says she is going to write one about a mummy that starts pouring “fountains of blood” out of his eyes. It is a mad mummy! Somehow or other it gets hold of a chain saw and starts running all about the museum sawing peoplein half. She says there are going to be “arms and legs chopped off and intestines spilling out”. You might think this shows what a great imagination she has, but in fact it was in a film we once saw, so all she is really doing is just copying.

       My story is going to be about a sad mummy. He is a mummy who is suddenly brought back to life and can’t understand where he is, or why he is shut up in a glass case with everybody staring at him. He misses his wife and children! He doesn’t realise that he has been dead for thousands of years. I will have to work out a happy ending, though, as I wouldn’t want him to suffer for all eternity.

       I must tell you that it was really funny, while we were at the museum. for starters, me and Sarah got a bit hyper on the train going there. We couldn’t stop giggling! We giggled at just about everything. Mrs Frost told us to behave ourselves or she would send us back to school, so that quietened us down a bit until we got to the museum and then, oh dear! We discovered a mummy that looked exactly like this really nerdy teacher that we have called Mr Spooner. He is very dry and withered, like a piece of old twig. Or like a mummy! If you wrapped him in bandages, you wouldn’t be able to tell the difference. It was Sarah that saw him first. She showed him to me, and before I could stop myself I had cried, “Mr Spooner! What is he doing here?” Everyone just collapsed into mad giggles. Even Mrs Frost nearly laughed, I saw her lips twitch! She told us that we were the very worst bunch she had ever had to deal with.

       I hope she doesn’t put it in my report!

       We are just having half-term now. A week, after everyone else! I don’t know why we always seem to have different holidays from other schools. I am not doing anything special. Lily has gone away with one of her posh friends to a cottage they have. They are going to ride ponies and go to gymkhanas, and be all hectic. I could have gone if I had wanted, but I decided I would rather just stay at home. I have lots of things to do. Such as:

      Sticking things in my scrapbook

      Sorting photographs

      Helping mum in Flora Green

      Writing

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