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       We are the hands of the Goddess, Beyoncé,

       And to her we offer to put our hands up.

       We are the booties of the Goddess,

       And to her we offer up cake by the pound.

       We are the moufs of the Goddess, Bae,

       And to her we offer cigars on ice.

       The patriarchy:

       How the hell did this shit happen?

       Oh, babeh.

       Let us find strength

       In this kitchen half-naked.

       In her name we make the world ready

       For this jelly.

HOW TO FEMSPLAIN FEMINISM TO YOUR FRIENDS

      Feminism is all about us women having each other’s backs, but it’s also about setting an example for those who may not be as enlightened as yourself. After all, you’re not really a feminist unless you’re sharing a slice of feminism with all your gal pals and raising them up to your level.^* Since a rising tide lifts all boats, it’s up to you to gath-her your friends together for gal-therings from time to time, braid their hair into cute feminist plaits, and empower them with the feminist discussions and tools they need in order to know that you already know more than they do. That’s what feminism is all about!

      You may have heard the term “mansplaining,” which is when men explain things you already know in a condescending way. Now, when we need to explain important feminist concepts like brow shaping to women (who should probably already know them by now), we “femsplain.” Femsplaining allows us to empower ourselves and other women at the same time, while throwing just a teensy bit of shade their way for being so basic. It’s a very important part of the work we do!

      When you femsplain feminism to your friends, make sure you don’t femsplain what’s wrong with other women;^** rather, femsplain what’s right about you.^*** If other women come across as lesser feminists as a result, then so be it. It’s in your power to feminspire women to be good feminists—almost, but never quite as good as you. Here’s how.

      Feminvite them over.

      A good invite is fun and playful while also conveying the importance of the gal-thering. Use some empowering phrases to get friends excited for the event, like, “We have got to get our gal on!” Give the night a fun and funky title like “Lisa’s Lady Bash” or “Wear Your Stretchy Jeans!” And always, always mention there will be booze. Drinking propels feminist discussion, so pick up your fave bottle of alc-her-hol and get ready to partake in the discourse.

      Put on some fempowering music and talk about your bodies.

When your friends arrive, start slow by playing some early Beyoncé and then pass out some homemade probiotic yogurt. This will help get them comfortable and set the mood before you dish out that feminist knowledge. Before they know it, you’ll be telling them how “real” their bodies are and how beautiful their curves look. In the 1960s, this type of group discussion was called “consciousness raising,” but for our modern-day purposes we’d rather call it “woking up like this” because it just sounds better.