Sixteen Shades of Crazy - Rachel Trezise

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her fleshy legs. ‘Din’t have much on. Kelly’s there. Best way to teach urgh is to chuck urgh in at the deep end. She don’t listen to a word I bloody say. I deserve some time off, anyway. It’s hard work running a top company, El. Not like workin’ for someone else.’ She grinned; bared the fleck of gold in her molar. It must have had something to do with her, this cosy little set-up. Ellie wanted to ask her outright what Johnny was doing here, but Rhiannon’s fat face would curdle as soon as Ellie uttered the first J. She had to wait for the mystery to unfurl of its own accord, or resort to listening to Dai Davies.

      ‘El?’ Marc said. He was holding a plastic bag open, presenting her with four cans of lager.

      She took one. Andy shook his head, and then by thought association patted his jeans pocket to check his car keys were still there.

      ‘Have some food,’ Siân said, waving at the Tupperware boxes. There were salads and chicken kebabs, hot-dog sausages stuffed in fresh finger rolls, a bottle of mustard seed dressing fallen on to its side. Andy picked a salad bowl up and started gnawing at a slice of cucumber. ‘Been looking at some outfits for the wedding,’ he said as he chewed, a rivulet of juice dripping from his lips.

      Ellie rolled her eyes. ‘It must have taken you ages to prepare this,’ she said, hoping Siân would reveal the origin of the picnic.

      Siân shook her head. ‘Chan gave me the kebabs last night. I threw the rest of it together this morning.’ She packed some of the used Tupperware into a cooler bag, said, ‘So did you find anything you liked? There was a wedding at St Illtyd’s this morning. I saw it when I was leaving. What it was, the bride in cream, the women in coffee. What colour are you thinking about, El?’

      ‘Yeah, El,’ Rhiannon said, flipping on to her belly. She picked up one of James’s stray miniature cars and threw it into Siân’s cooler bag. ‘What colours are ewe ’aving? Tell Auntie Rhi. Bet ewer gonna do somethin’ really unconventional.’

      ‘No,’ Ellie said. She knew she should say something about shoes, rings, jewellery; something that sounded convincing. The last thing she wanted was to give Rhiannon the impression that she didn’t want to marry Andy. But she was aware of Johnny sitting mere feet away. Her nerves were still fluttering, cells colliding with one another, pushing microscopic waves of panic through her veins. ‘Ivory,’ she said, glancing at him. He wasn’t listening but she tried to change the subject anyway. She pointed at the stage, said, ‘Who’s this band, then?’

      ‘The Water Babies,’ Griff said. He opened a can, sending a spray of white foam across the grass. ‘They’re shit. Don’t know how they got this contract – probably related to someone from the council. Wait till the Peel session goes on air, El. Fuckin’ bunch of Muppets’ll be too shamed to show their faces.’ He twisted the metal tab from the can and flicked it at Andy.

      ‘Wanna get her off the pill now,’ he said, pointing at Ellie. ‘Wanna start as soon as you get hitched if you wanna catch up with us. Me ’n’ Siân are going for the soccer team.’ He looked at Siân but Siân was looking down at the blanket, her eyes fixed on a blue criss-cross in the tartan, her bitten fingers lodged in her mouth. Ellie noticed her lipstick: vermilion red; the colour of blood.

      ‘I’m sure she’s pregnant anyway,’ Griff said, ‘the way she keeps crying in front of films that ain’t sad.’ He spat a glob of lager on the ground. As he did, the atmosphere changed, the sun sliding behind a cloud.

      Johnny stood up, his long, skinny frame stretching into the heavens. Everyone watched as he brushed grass blades from his clothes and stooped to offer his girlfriend his hand. She took it and straightened up, the grey T-shirt that had ridden up her flat torso falling down over her taut waist. For a second, Ellie had spied her belly button, big and hollow, wedged in the centre of a size eight stomach, the colour of an unripe peach. She looked down at her own pierced navel; flesh plump around the steel belly bar. She was a size twelve on a good day.

      ‘Sorry, everyone,’ the woman said, gesturing at the food. ‘Johnny wants chips so we’re just going for a walk into town. We won’t be long.’ Ellie felt her heart sink, her oesophagus constrict, like someone with a nut allergy who’d just swallowed a whole sugared almond.

      Rhiannon sat up. ‘There’s a good fish shop on Taff Street,’ she said. ‘Does Clark’s pies an’ that. Want me to show ewe?’

      The couple didn’t answer her. They were already on the path leading out of the park, walking shoulder to shoulder, their footsteps concurrent, like policemen searching for evidence. They were stick figures on the other side of the railings when Griff said, ‘Who does he think he is? Arrogant English bastard. There’s plenty of food here, but that ain’t good enough for him, is it?’

      ‘Fuckin’ ’ell, Griff,’ Marc said. He was inspecting an elongated mustard stain down the front of his Liverpool shirt. ‘It doesn’t cost anything to be friendly. We only invited ’em because they don’t know anyone else. They only just moved here for God’s sake. Have some tolerance, will you? We’ll keep a welcome an’ all that.’ He spat into his hand, massaged the saliva into his chest.

      Ellie smiled slyly to herself. It was Marc who’d invited Johnny, ergo it was Rhiannon who’d invited Johnny. The cunning cow fancied him herself – that’s why she’d made such a hubbub about being in love with Marc. At the Pump House, when Ellie had asked for his name, Rhiannon knew what Ellie was thinking because she was thinking the same thing. Ellie stole a quick peep at her. She was turned towards the railings, looking at the park gate, a nervous hum skimming out of her curvilinear lips. She was waiting for him to come back.

      Griff ripped a grass stalk out of a big clump growing next to him, threw the wheat-coloured seeds on the breeze. ‘You don’t know what it’s going to cost yet,’ he said. ‘He could be a fuckin’ yardie for all we know. Dai said—’

      ‘Yardies don’t come from Cornwall,’ Rhiannon said, cutting him off. She kicked him in the ribs, showing everyone her black lace M&S knickers. ‘Bloody thicko! ’Ey come from Jamaica.’ Griff stared at her for a moment, but said nothing. He turned to look at the stage.

      The band had already finished. The only sound was of children splashing and screaming, the noises from the swimming pool reverberating across the park.

      Exactly eight minutes later, eight minutes that seemed to go on for eight years, Johnny came back, creeping towards the gathering like an insect on its stick legs. The girlfriend sat next to Siân. Johnny sat next to Ellie, his thighs hitched up to his chest, a polystyrene tray balanced on his kneecaps. While he’d been gone, the fire in her nerves had waned, but the moment he sat down it instantly came roaring back. Her heart pumped so fast she was sure everyone could see it, pounding against her ribcage, pushing the material of her blouse out, then pulling it back in again. She held her breath and watched from the corner of her eye as he lifted the chips to his mouth and shoved them inside, one after the other, chewing them regimentally. He caught her eye and held the tray up, offering her one.

      Ellie shook her head and turned away. There was an anti-war demonstration trampling along the path on the other side of the park, fifty-odd people holding handmade placards aloft. ‘No More Blood for Oil,’ one said. As long as she could feel his awesome gaze on her face, she kept her eyes fixed on the demo.

      ‘You ever heard of the petro-dollar?’ he said as he put the polystyrene tray down on the ground. Ellie shook her head again, colour rushing to her face. She was so tense her jaw had locked. She was incapable of speech.

      ‘The petro-dollar is the cause of this war,’ he said. ‘Oil from the OPEC countries is always paid for in American dollars, right? So if Japan needs oil it needs to get some Yankee dollar.’ Ellie couldn’t quite meet his stare. He was something to look at: run-of-the-mill face and infolded lips, but large iron-oxide-black eyes, darker than carbon. She couldn’t understand a word he was saying for being fixed by those strange eyes. She quickly swallowed the well of saliva building up in her mouth and it went down like double-edged razor blades. ‘So to get American dollars,’ he said, ‘Japan needs to sell goods to the American economy. Let’s say it sells them

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