LITMIR.BIZ

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I should not wear those horrid, horrid dresses, nor mix with those horrid, horrid painted people.”

      “No.”

      “And we should be quite alone, you and I?”

      “Hum! there would be a third.”

      “Oh, Grandy, Grandy!” cried Sophy, in a scream of shrill alarm. “I know, I know; you are thinking of joining us with the Pig-faced Lady!”

      MR. WAIFE (not a muscle relaxed).—“A well-spoken and pleasing gentlewoman. But no such luck: three pounds would not buy her.”

      SOPHIE.—“I am glad of that: I don’t care so much for the Mermaid; she’s dead and stuffed. But, oh!” (another scream) “perhaps ‘t is the Spotted Boy?”

      MR. WAIFE.—“Calm your sanguine imagination; you aspire too high! But this I will tell you, that our companion, whatsoever or whosoever that companion may be, will be one you will like.”

      “I don’t believe it,” said Sophy, shaking her head. “I only like you. But who is it?”

      “Alas!” said Mr. Waife, “it is no use pampering ourselves with vain hopes: the three pounds are not forthcoming. You heard what that brute Rugge said, that the gentleman who wanted to take your portrait had called on him this morning, and offered 10s. for a sitting,—that is, 5s. for you, 5s. for Rugge; and Rugge thought the terms reasonable.”

      “But I said I would not sit.”

      “And when you did say it, you heard Rugge’s language to me—to you. And now you must think of packing up, and be off at dawn with the rest. And,” added the comedian, colouring high, “I must again parade, to boors and clowns, this mangled form; again set myself out as a spectacle of bodily infirmity,—man’s last degradation. And this I have come to—I!”

      “No, no, Grandy, it will not last long! we will get the three pounds. We have always hoped on!—hope still! And, besides, I am sure those gentlemen will come here tonight. Mr. Merle said they would, at ten o’clock. It is near ten now, and your tea cold as a stone.”

      She hung on his neck caressingly, kissing his furrowed brow, and leaving a tear there, and thus coaxed him till he set-to quietly at his meal; and Sophy shared it—though she had no appetite in sorrowing for him—but to keep him company; that done, she lighted his pipe with the best canaster,—his sole luxury and expense; but she always contrived that he should afford it.

      Mr. Waife drew a long whiff, and took a more serene view of affairs. He who doth not smoke hath either known no great griefs, or refuseth himself the softest consolation, next to that which comes from Heaven. “What, softer than woman?” whispers the young reader. Young reader, woman teases as well as consoles. Woman makes half the sorrows which she boasts the privilege to soothe. Woman consoles us, it is true, while we are young and handsome! when we are old and ugly, woman snubs and scolds us. On the whole, then, woman in this scale, the weed in that, Jupiter, hang out thy balance, and weigh them both; and if thou give the preference to woman, all I can say is, the next time Juno ruffles thee,—O Jupiter, try the weed.

      CHAPTER VII

      The historian, in pursuance of his stern duties, reveals to the scorn of future ages some of the occult practices which discredit the march of light in the nineteenth century.

      “May I come in?” asked the Cobbler, outside the door. “Certainly come in,” said Gentleman Waife. Sophy looked wistfully at the aperture, and sighed to see that Merle was alone. She crept up to him.

      “Will they not come?” she whispered. “I hope so, pretty one; it be n’t ten yet.”

      “Take a pipe, Merle,” said Gentleman Waife, with a Grand Comedian air.

      “No, thank you kindly; I just looked in to ask if I could do anything for ye, in case—in case ye must go tomorrow.”

      “Nothing: our luggage is small, and soon packed. Sophy has the money to discharge the meaner part of our debt to you.”

      “I don’t value that,” said the Cobbler, colouring.

      “But we value your esteem,” said Mr. Waife, with a smile that would have become a field-marshal. “And so, Merle, you think, if I am a broken-down vagrant, it must be put to the long account of the celestial bodies!”

      “Not a doubt of it,” returned the Cobbler, solemnly. “I wish you would give me date and place of Sophy’s birth that’s what I want; I’d take her horryscope. I’m sure she’d be lucky.”

      “I’d rather not, please,” said Sophy, timidly.

      “Rather not?—very odd. Why?”

      “I don’t want to know the future.”

      “That is odder and odder,” quoth the Cobbler, staring; “I never heard a girl say that afore.”

      “Wait till she’s older, Mr. Merle,” said Waife: “girls don’t want to know the future till they want to be married.”

      “Summat in that,” said the Cobbler. He took up the crystal. “Have you looked into this ball, pretty one, as I bade ye?”

      “Yes, two or three times.”

      “Ha! and what did you see?”

      “My own face made very long,” said Sophy,—“as long as that—,” stretching out her hands.

      The Cobbler shook his head dolefully, and screwing up one eye, applied the other to the mystic ball.

      MR. WAIFE.—“Perhaps you will see if those two gentlemen are coming.”

      SOPHY.—“Do, do! and if they will give us three pounds!”

      COBBLER (triumphantly).—“Then you do care to know the future, after all?”

      SOPHY.—“Yes, so far as that goes; but don’t look any further, pray.”

      COBBLER (intent upon the ball, and speaking slowly, and in jerks).—“A mist now. Ha! an arm with a besom—sweeps all before it.”

      SOPHY (frightened).—“Send it away, please.”

      COBBLER—“It is gone. Ha! there’s Rugge,—looks very angry,—savage, indeed.”

      WAIFE.—“Good sign that! proceed.”

      COBBLER.—“Shakes his fist; gone. Ha! a young man, boyish, dark hair.”

      SOPHY (clapping her hands).—“That is the young gentleman—the very young one, I mean—with the kind eyes; is he coming?—is he, is he?”

      WAIFE—“Examine his pockets! do you see there three pounds?”

      COBBLER (testily).—“Don’t be a-interrupting. Ha! he is talking with another gentleman, bearded.”

      SOPHY (whispering to her grandfather).—“The old young gentleman.”

      COBBLER (putting down the crystal, and with great decision).—“They are coming here; I see ‘d them at the corner of the lane, by the public-house, two minutes’ walk to this door.” He took out a great silver watch: “Look, Sophy, when the minute-hand gets there (or before, if they walk briskly), you will hear them knock.”

      Sophy clasped her hands in mute suspense, half-credulous, half-doubting; then she went and opened the room-door, and stood on the landing-place to listen. Merle approached the Comedian, and said in a low voice, “I wish for your sake she had the gift.”

      WAIFE.—“The gift!—the three pounds!—so do I!”

      COBBLER.—“Pooh! worth a hundred times three pounds; the gift,—the spirituous gift.”

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