LITMIR.BIZ

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told that it is necessary to take me to the doctor because he felt by the fingers that I injured some nerve which can become the reason of muscles withering on a leg. Mother was frightened because she knew about his force, only half – drunk father began to quarrel on grandfather.

      “Are you, Gatso, normal? Look, the child is like a gold apple and you invent something and philosophize. With such words don’t cross my threshold anymore!”

      “Listen, Nedzhelko”, – grandfather began to speak with a calming voice. – You know how much I respect and appreciate you!”

      “Damn you. If you respect me, so never put a curse on the child”.

      “God be with you, Nedzhelko! How can you tell this? What damnation? This is my child too!”

      “Go on, go on, Gatso. All know that you are able to do any nonsenses…”

      “It isn’t a shame!” – mother spat towards father – How can you tell such words to uncle?”

      “Be silent, witch, probably It’s you, who probably persuaded this witcher to say such things!” – Father continued with a half-drunk voice.

      Grandfather tried to calm them, but only mother, because of all endured torments and humiliations and braved by the presence of grandfather, couldn’t keep silent. She answered him in the sickest way:

      “I know that there are not bigger witches and sluts than your sisters…”

      The unexpected blow knocked down her from a chair. Half – drunk father began to beat her. Grandfather tried to stop him, but father hit him and grandfather felt in other party. We began to cry and squall. We felt sorry for mother and grandfather.

      “I will kill you, slut! I will break off on hundred pieces!” – shouted father and began to bit mother who was doubled up and tried to protect her head with hands.

      Grandfather rose after received blow, directed his hands in the direction of father and father felt as if he was hit by a huge fist. Grandfather transferred hands to another side and father flew away as a rag doll there. He hit a back against a wooden rack with the placed ware. Many plates broke. Once again grandfather transferred hands, and once again the body departed and some back broke two – three chairs. Father was rather large person, but at that moment I had feeling that his body is similar to a rag which is shaken out by someone. Though I was still small, but then I thought that it is an excellent lesson for father and after that he will improve his behavior and will better treat mother and us. Let him fell what we experience when he daily beats us! Several minutes passed, but father didn’t move. Then he began to shake his head. We still poorly cried and mother calmed us. We thought that when he gets up, he will revenge to all of us. Somehow father, with a great difficulty, sat down at a table. He took a glass and poured out all water on the head. He shook it and water was sprayed extensively.

      “Listen, Nedzhelko, that I want to tell you and remember it well. Don’t dare more in this life even to think of hitting this child. You’ve to know. If I hear that you at least once hit him, you will remember me and you will never forget it. My sister left on me a precept of caring for her and you because of the bad drunk head beat her! The reason is your drinking… And, believe me, I won’t let you do it!”

      In these several minutes father completely sobered.

      “They say that each dog barks in front of his house. So, I did alike in my home. Raki and a demon made of me inhuman”.

      “Nedzhelko, I don’t want to offend you and to say that you are inhuman. I would never do it, but couldn’t see as you beat my niece. I know that you want to promise me that you won’t beat her and you will stop drink, only it will last to the first bottle. Raki kills you, Nedzhelko. And you saw that you are able to live without it. You didn’t drink more than for two years. At this time, you worked and you were respected by people”.

      “It isn’t necessary, Gatso, it isn’t necessary, I ask you! You don’t know what happens inside my heart. Pain, Gatso, breaks me off. I worried about my family. Father has asked me to care for all and my sisters… They have killed me, Gatso. If we were a bad family, I would understand… And so, we are rich, respected, and they have dishonored us. And where, Gatso, I am respected? Where we will only appear, people laugh over me and provoke. Avoid to talk to me and if it will happen, then unwillingly. I feel superfluous unusual everywhere. My family has thrown us. No, Gatso, I can’t promise to stop drinking. I will drink till I’ll be alive, but I will try not to beat my family at least. You are right. They aren’t guilty of anything. I am guilty that I have such big family and that has spoiled their life”.

      “Nedzhelko, you have to live for the sake of them and you shouldn’t be concerned that others tell”.

      “In vain, Gatso, everything is vain. Only when I will get drunk I don’t see a smile on strange faces and I don’t hear their insult. Here I am completely sober and things that I will promise now, believe me, so will be till my last day in life. I will drink while I’m alive, but my family I won’t offend. And one more thing, Gatso. I am poor, but I ask you while I live, don’t come and don’t bring us gifts any more”.

      Mother has begun to swear again, but grandfather has calmed her and promised not to come any more. After that he has left, and father has kept this promise. He drank so hard as if he wanted to kill himself with alcohol. He didn’t beat us and didn’t scoff at us as earlier. And with mother he behaved rather decently. There were good moments during these two years too. She has again become pregnant. Somehow at this time, we played with children and again – I have hit left knee. This leg at me was thinner than right because of last trauma. Possibly muscles as grandfather told, have begun to desiccate. At the beginning there was nothing terrible, but in several days the leg has begun to hurt indescribably. There was no my grandfather who could put his hands on a knee and could help again once more. Mother has taken me to the doctor as I couldn’t go. Have examined me and except hypostasis could find nothing. They gave me some hypostasis pills, having explained that it has arisen from blow. I drank tablets which helped me a little and it was easier for me. In couple of days pains have again begun. Again, I’ve to visit the doctor. Then he has made a detailed survey. Then they sent me to Belgrade. There it was found – some nerve has begun to desiccate because of blow. I have released from hospital with an explanation that in process of growing, the left leg in development will lag behind right. This diagnosis was completely exact.

      Day by day I grew more and more, the body developed, only the left leg became thinner and thinner. It was not only that. It lagged behind also on length. I suffered from pains and constantly cried. Mother drove me to different doctors, but nothing helped.

      On the second of May, 1970, when I was six years old and four months, for the first time in life father took me to hospital. Better he wouldn’t do it. Or it is destiny and it had to occur as it was written down somewhere in God’s books. This day father was drunk too. Possibly it was bothered by my crying and he took away me to the doctor and as soon he saw us began to shout at him:

      “Listen, Mister Lazovic, why do you bring this child again? Your spouse was told already several times that only ablation of a leg can help!”

      Half – drunk father looked at them and understood nothing. Then the doctor began to explain to him again:

      “When we received the analysis from Military Medical Academy of Belgrade in which colleagues explained that the nerve on his leg dries, we at once understood that operation is inevitable. We explained it to your wife who didn’t want to understand actual state. For anything she didn’t want to sign a consent to carrying out operation. I don’t know whether she explained to you that we wanted from her and I don’t understand why at these moment you didn’t appear, but I know that every day tightening is indescribably risky for life of your child”.

      Then the father began to abuse mother and to say that she told nothing to him… He asked the doctor what is necessary to help me. The doctor answered that as the parent it is necessary to sign the consent to ablation of a leg. Father agreed. At the end of the working day, about half past two, father endorsed the document according to which tomorrow at ten in the morning my leg had to be amputated on knee, and in case of need up to a femur. He left me in hospital. Later

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