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can it be me?

      How can, how can, how can it be?

      April 19th, 2024

      I wish I

      poem

      I wish I could be able to go back in time.

      I wish I could only do things right.

      Anyway, everything seems to be fine.

      Don't worry, I will be just alright.

      I failed everything, and that's true.

      I was telling myself “I hate you”.

      Maybe that's the reason of my loss.

      Self-hypnosis is the most horrific force.

      My mind is my weapon, so I fight.

      My heart is the target, so I die.

      When your tears fly like arrows, hitting you,

      You give up, there's nothing left to do.

      And I'm going to fall from the height

      I have ever ever barely gained.

      I'm afraid to come face to face

      With rocks, cold water and huge waves.

      If only I could do things right.

      If only I knew how to fight.

      Their voices wouldn't have been heard

      If only I had reached that top.

      April of 2024

      ***

      poem

      I keep trying to sort out my own thoughts,

      Keep forgetting those forget-me-nots.

      The weather is sunny outside,

      But it's raining in my anxious mind.

      Yes, I've died a thousand times,

      I was lying with mysterious lies.

      Ask me what I want and you won't

      Get an answer, 'cause I finally lost my hope.

      You're going to ask me again if I agree.

      I'm not worthy of you, don't you see?

      And we will be both sorrowful and confused.

      So, the best choice for us is to refuse.

      2023

      Boston Strangler

      song

      [Verse 1]

      Was it love that I saw

      Or the challenge from Saw?

      We loved watching horror films.

      Now we're their heroes, it seems.

      I listen to thunder like music.

      'Cause I find this shit amusing.

      After my meeting with you,

      I don't know what to do.

      [Chorus]

      I find it funny to look

      At the crooked

      Graphics of the monsters.

      You needed proofs

      You've become too

      Much like the Strangler of Boston.

      I find it funny to look

      At the crooked

      Graphics of the monsters.

      You needed proofs

      You've become too

      Much like the Strangler of Boston.

      But do really think I'm cursed?

      Ooh.

      But I don't scare and don't slam doors.

      Ooh.

      You're hiding a knife up your sleeve.

      Ooh.

      You behave either like a maniac or like a thief.

      I find it funny to look…

      [Verse 2]

      You said that kindness won't buy

      The world, but I asked you why.

      You said my book was too kind.

      I won't make any money now.

      (I've made it free, bye-bye)

      You like horror films, don't you?

      I also find this nonsense cool.

      But if I had a choice between you

      And the monster, guess who I'd choose.

      [Chorus]

      I find it funny to look

      At the crooked

      Graphics of the monsters.

      You needed proofs

      You've become too

      Much like the Strangler of Boston.

      I find it funny to look

      At the crooked

      Graphics of the monsters.

      You needed proofs

      You've become too

      Much like the Strangler of Boston.

      But do really think I'm cursed?

      Ooh.

      But I don't scare and don't slam doors.

      Ooh.

      You're hiding a knife up your sleeve.

      Ooh.

      You behave either like a maniac or like a thief.

      I find it funny to look…

      Spring of 2024

      Dead End

      song

      [Verse 1]

      Now I'm dead

      Now I'm fine

      I will never ever cry

      And I walk through walls

      Thanks to God

      Thanks to Death

      I will never feel my breath

      The crunch of bones

      And my heartbeat songs

      [Chorus]

      Probably everyone would consider it a curse

      But this is just my choice

      That's neither true nor false

      People think I'm sick, I'm just a freak

      But I think it's a dream

      I'm no more human being

      [Verse 2]

      Now I'm free

      Now I see

      How desirable death can be

      And life is simply terrible

      My rotting body

      Scares everybody

      It's so vicious and so muddy

      Life wasn’t an idyll

      My death is revival

      [Chorus]

      Probably everyone will forget me in two days

      I don't see sunny rays

      I found another place

      People think I'm geek, but I've become free

      Death

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