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he'll be more likely to behave wherever you take him. An entertaining correlate to that, which I didn't make up, is, “If you like the dog, you must accept the fleas.” In my estimation, it's a lot like learning a new language. If you have the basic structure and grammar down, you can go to that country and quickly pick up more vocabulary and soon you'll be improvising, whereas if you go knowing nothing about the basics and try to engage in discussions right off the bat, good luck with that. That may work if you're 10 years old, but probably not if your age is a multiple of 10.

      The reason I've taken the time to mention where I am coming from relative to the topic of emotional intelligence is because this book represents an evolution in my own thinking, not only about EI but of my understanding of the neuroscience of emotions and their profound role within perception itself. My own training on the topic of EI stems not only from my graduate studies but from having worked for 25 years in companies like the ones whose competency models helped define this particular articulation of EI. I was responsible for implementing leadership competency models and making sure people's performance reflected them. When I saw this wasn't happening nearly as much as one might think, I realized defining what makes a good leader is a different value proposition than what it takes to become one.

      The key is whichever model of EI we ascribe to, it shouldn't just point the way; it needs to give us specific practices and methods for working with our own minds. Moreover, our emotions are but one factor—albeit a critical one—in the constellation of what determines how we behave. It turns out, our capacity to reframe and shift both our perceptual stance and our interpretation of what we perceive are vital to the conversation. That's the part of the discussion we're delving into now in this book. Whatever we do, let's not leave the EI competencies at the level of mere words or concepts trapped within the confines of a framework or their colorful bubble graphics. Let's also strive to live and embody them!

      Emotions play a variety of notable functions in our lives, including elevating and drawing our attention to their signals. Like a carrier pigeon, our emotions transport salient messages between the brain and the body, forming a powerful feedback loop. The way the scent of a skunk dutifully follows its owner, our emotions forewarn of their approach in the form of bodily signals and affect as if to let us know they're on the premises. And like a skunk's musky trace, they leave a lingering impression you can almost taste. Emotions set a definitive tone, a palpable atmosphere to whatever is already present. As our emotions make themselves known, their valence and salience flood our bodies like the vibrant colors of a sunset we behold but briefly before its glistening rays of light suddenly fade to an icy blue gray.

      Even though we've been trained to use single words to describe how we feel, words like happy, sad, mad, or glad, when pressed, we each define these words, as well as our experience of them, quite differently. The moment we look at emotions from the individual perspective of how we experience them, the way we describe them necessarily shifts away from single-word or one-dimensional descriptions. “Sad” is just a word we assign to an entire complex of sensory signals interspersed with mental impressions evoked in the process.

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